A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right OK. Basically I want to know if I'm right. I feel that my girlfriend of nearly 2 years is expecting way too much from me.We only live across the street, and I'm a very private person who loves their own space.Tonight (but lots of other times aswell), she asks if I want to come over to her house and basically just sit there with her and her parents watching TV. I used to be fine with this going on every night, but recently I've just gotten so bored of it and more often than not I end up making up one excuse or another. Then she asks can we meet in the road for a quick cuddle. Being the private person that I am who loves his own space, I often make up excuses for not even seeing her for 5 minutes. I just can't stand being around the same people for too long. It does my head in.Tonight though, I declined her offer to come and watch TV with her parents, and she sent a fairly bitchy text message and rang me up crying because she obviously knows that I don't spend enough time with her.I also feel though, that hardly ever wants to know me really. She doesn't have many girlfriends to go out with so she often goes to town with her mum. I haven't got a problem with that because I get my time away from her. But it really annoys me that whenever her mums not around, she come to me asking me to do stuff with her. I'm never her first choice.Who do think is in the right and wrong here?I value your opinions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008): Its perfectly natural that you like your time alone, and know that you are a private kind of person.Have you tried telling her how you feel? And pointing out that she shouldn't take it personally (UNLESS you are so annoyed at this point that she SHOULD take it as a personal criticism).The basic question is: if this can be resolved, do you still want to be in a relationship with her?If you do, try talking to her (see above comments), but also suggest that when the two of you get together you do something other than sit at her parents' home and watch TV.Maybe go bowling; go out for a meal, or attend a football or softball match that some friends have organized.....or a concert, or museum. If you live in London, there's lots of activities.Encourage her to make friends with other women, so she'll have some "gal pals." I don't think its really a question of who is right and who is wrong. Its more a question of compatibility. It may be that you and she are not really well-suited. If you've been together two years, you should have an idea as to whether this is so.To go back to what I said earlier: do you want to continue with her? Or do you feel the time has come to part ways? If so, tell her clearly why you don't want to continue, and let her express her feelings - she'll be shocked, upset, angry, hurt, so try to be kind. When you've had a chance to "hear her out" and to respond, then let that be an end to it.Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Seeker  +, writes (9 September 2008):
Have you discussed this with her? You say you make excuses, but perhaps instead of inventing reasons for why you can't hang out, you should simply explain (as you have done here) that you need time to yourself sometimes. You're not wrong for wanting your own space...not at all. But it does sound like you're also bored with her, and if that's the case it's not fair of you to waste her time by continuing to date her when she isn't a priority in your life. If you're realizing she's not the one for you, that's okay. You're a teenager. Just because you've dated for two years doesn't mean you're married to her, and if you don't like her the way you once did that's completely okay; people change. But be fair to her and tell her this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): Yea I can fully understand how you feel. I think that you have both got to accept that you are not right for eachother and you should both broaden your horizons.Ok, so we're talking about you here. Maybe you need to get out and about more, evening classes, club activities oh, I dunno. But, if you're happy with your life the way it is, just chill from her but tell her why: you feel that you're unsuitable for eachother and you have other things you need to be getting on with. You'd love to stay friends but on YOUR terms.So no, you're not wrong, you just have a life of your own to lead so tell her subtly.Good luck.
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