A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago I met this guy out of state. We really hit it off and he ended up moving in my state. He has an ex girl that he still has pictures with on social media. When she noticed that he moved to my state she immediately called him then blocked him. At the moment of the call I told him to pick up so we can see what she wants and he jokingly said "oh she's probably crying because she saw I moved her" that didn't sit well with me and it caused an argument. After we've talked I've decided to let it go. I am a girl who is a bit of a stalked so I noticed that his ex always blocks him after she sees were together and unblocks him only a few days later. That raised some red flags for me because in my gut I feel like he reaches out to her and try to patch things up and she unblocks him. Recently I've noticed that he followed her on one of the social media platforms and I've caused a fight between us which made him unfollow her. At the end of the day I understand that we live together and that he's with me but how do I over come this jealously. This girl lives in a different country and they have a five year history. Ive became so sick in my head that my daily routine has become going to her profile seeing if he follows her again.Am I wrong for not trusting my man?BTW I should mention that she always responds to his posts, and sends him love songs on a daily basis his phone is unlocked so I catch myself always going through his phone.He is always away do to working out of state so I have a hard time believing that they are not in contact when I am not around.
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his ex, jealous, stalking Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2018):
 It is clear that you don't trust what he tells you, and you have no right to go through his phone and invade his privacy my guess is that this is not going to work out.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (27 September 2018):
 Well you’re still checking his phone after being advised not to and you’re asking strangers on the internet whether to trust the guy or not. It’s quite evident that you will never trust what the guy has to say and will always be checking up on him.
You’ve caught him red handed speaking to other girls, do you REALLY need our advice here? If he gets that bored why can’t he compliment you or speak to his friends? Where’s your common sense?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE: He left his phone while he went to check the mail and I noticed on his phone he was talking to multiple girls complimenting them and asking where he can meet up with him.
after confronting him he says while he's on the road it makes he work long hours and over night driving (he's a truck driver) so he talks to people to keep him entertained.
after confronting him he deleted his social media and advised me that he is going to change. Should I believe it? what are your thoughts.
thanks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2018): She lives in another country. That's added security.
They are contacts; and I really don't think he feels the same for her, as she may feel for him. I think there are some residual-feelings on her part; but they may have made a pact to stay friends. You can pretty much trust a guy who leaves his phone around unlocked. Even if he deletes messages, one could come-in at anytime.
If you've been a stalker; then you've got issues no matter what he does. I suppose they broke-up; but not that long ago. He's over her, but nursing her through the breakup. He has some old pictures. He can file them away. He seems to do whatever you ask him to do; but you may have started dating too soon after their breakup. That's what this all seems to be about.
Snooping through his phone, insecurity, and jealousy are going to be the reasons you and he will eventually breakup. Not over her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2018): Your boyfriend is not hiding anything from you does that not tell you something? He has a past with her and it seems she is having trouble moving on but he has made his choice to be with you not her and again he is hiding nothing from you. I get where you are coming from, social media makes it so easy to check exes out and it has now turned into a daily obsession with you because you see this girl as a threat. I really think you need to block her and keep her blocked and work on trusting your boyfriend or it simply won't work.You can't predict the future all you can do is live for the moment and if you feel you love him and you are compatible then you have to work on your relationship and keeping it healthy. Do yourself a favour and block her, refrain from checking his phone because you are damaging your own mental health and torturing yourself.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (8 September 2018):
How long have you known each other?
Moving in after a few months is usually a recipe for disaster. You barely know each other! He could still have feelings for his ex yes, who knows besides him? He could have used this opportunity to move away from her to forget about her, you could be a rebound again who knows besides him?
What you are doing though is going about self sabotaging the whole situation. If I had a GF that was constantly asking about my ex, checking my phone and stalking my ex, she wouldn’t be my GF for very long that’s all I’ll say. What you are doing is creepy. What right do you have to check his phone? That is his personal information and communications. What would you say if you found him checking your phone? That’s a huge invasion of privacy.
If you don’t believe him then break up, being your BFs prison officer is not the way to live your life. Trust him until he gives you a reason not to, that’s what you have to do in a relationship, you trust your partner and expect them not to do anything to hurt you. If there’s no trust then why stay together?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (8 September 2018):
This is a lot off drama for a guy you have only met a few months ago!! He made a joke and you argued about it? Honestly that was a bit of a over reaction don't you think? Are you always this sensitive when you meet a new guy? You need to relax a bit or else you will drive yourself mental.
Try and not be the girl who is a stalker, no good can come from it and you are invading someone else's privacy. You do not have the right to do that. Honestly its been a few months and you are acting like a crazy stalking girlfriend! If she is blocking him and unblocking him then thats not really his fault. How on earth would she know when you are both together? Have you actually asked him is he still in contact with her or is this just a feeling you are going by? He should not have to unfollow her unless he wants to, forcing him in to doing things like this will push him away. Why are you so insecure?
You live together after only meeting a few months ago? That sounds awfully fast moving, how long has he been finished with his ex? Are you sure this is not a rebound on his part? Sounds like you both have rushed in to things. You are becoming obsessed with this girl and that is not healthy for you or him.
Are you wrong for not trusting him? Well you have not actually got any proof he is keeping in contact with her, and you are basically stalking them both so I am thinking it might be you that has the issue here. Have you spoke to him about how you feel?
When she sends him love songs does he reply? Does he know you are going through his private messages? You sound controlling and suffocating. I am shocked you haven't pushed him away yet, or is it he doesn't know how obsessed you are?
If you feel he is in contact when he is away then just finish this relationship. You don't trust him, weather he has done wrong or not it doesn't matter, you will never trust him. I think you need to take some time being single and work on your issues. You need to figure out why you are so insecure, why you feel the need to invade other people's privacy and why you become obsessed and go to stalker mode. I think you need help with your issues or you will never be able to have a good relationship in the future. I have never once felt the need to go through my husbands phone and vice versa, it is not normal behavior!
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