A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for almost 6 years. We are engaged now , and are moving in together in a few weeks. I have a few issues and would like someone elses point of view. He is a wonderful man , to good to be true in many ways. he genuinly cares about me and I appriciate that, but it is becoming annoying. A few examples : if im quiet, its always " what are you thinking" " whats wrong?" if my answer is nothing... he will ask again . I have asked him why he does this, he says that he wants to know what im thinking and that I dont let him in. (Must I tell him my every passing thought ?? ) And he will walk up to me and touch my forehead bc sometimes I get "worry wrinkles" as he calls them , so he will touch me forehead and ask me what is wrong, why do I look worried... And most of the time it is absolutley NOTHINg.... But it turns into something bc Im SO annoyed at him asking all the time. And he is SUPER sensitive and over emotional , so if I get annoyed at his prodding it becomes a two hour conversation about me raising my vioce or being sarcastic with him. This is a man who wakes up in the morning whistling zippity do da.. always bubbly , always happy, child like without a care in the world. I am happy ... but not that happy, and its annoying to me.The other night we were in bed watching basketball.. neither one of us talking , but I was lying two inches from him.. holding hands etc .... He asks " what are you thinking? I said nothing.. watching TV.. jsut like you.... ya know?? he asked again ten minutes later... I said ok WHY are you asking me that? He said " you seem distant" WHAT does that mean , I am TWO inches from you... Am I wrong?? I hate feeling like Im under a microscope and he is always watching me , wondering why I have a certain look on my face , or why I sigh, or breathe deep .. its ridiculous. When he walks into the room he has this huge goofy smile when he looks at me , and if I feel intense pressure to do the same thing..I feel like perhaps he is sort of wanting me to jump through hoops that I dont even know are in front of me... does that make sense? Like he wasnts a certain reaction from me , and doesnt really know how to ask for it? I cant take much more of it, thats for sure.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): Yes I agree that it is a wonderufl quality in a person and I consider myself extremley lucky. My ex husband was the total opposite and it became our downfall. Sort of funny huh?
It is not just me .. my dad asked me yesterday why he was so "clingy" , he noticed his following me and always asking me questions.
There is nothing on my mind that I am keeping from him and that I have an issue with. I just do not think it necessary to have to say my thoughts out loud like if I have a thought Im supposed to repeat it to him, just so he will know. It is an admirable quality , he just goes over board . I am going to have that talk tonight. (gently) :)
Thanks for all your advice
A
female
reader, Ask and you shall receive..(well,ill try my best) +, writes (7 April 2010):
 i think i know what you're trying to say, and to be honest i can imagine it to get quite frustrating, since u clearly have nothing on your mind for him to worry about or such. 1).For example I'm a type of person who drifts off into thought now and again and my bf goes nuts cos he doesn't know what's going through my head and i tell him, just let me b me, and eventually he got used to me,without his constant questions. but consider yourself lucky to a certain extent, cos there are some women who do not have partners who care enough to ask them how they feel/what's on their mind on a regular basis.... so be gentle when doing so! 2)I also heard that when someone always asks other people "how are you?, whats on your mind?" etc. its usually a sign that They have something they want to share/talk about. so try give that a go, ask him what's on his mind, he might be trying to tell you something. or 3) he might be feeling a little insecure and wants to make sure that you do love him, so he keeps asking you little question that to you might sound annoying but to him would mean something more since he sounds like a genuinely happy person, and might feel since you're arguing about his constant questions its upsetting him that HE is upsetting you, he seems like a sensitive guy, so whichever way you approach the situation remember he does show you that he cares about you! and that is what is most important at the end of the day. Good luck! Hope i have helped
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): Wow, i have never met someone that is so much like me...but after reading this i feel bad. he just wanna make sure that you are happy and he don't want you to feel like you have to worry, but since he don't know that the problem is really no him, he is going to continue to drill you about your thoughts...he loves you and if that is the biggest problem in your relationship, that someone cares about you, then the problem isn't him, it's you. yall have been together for 6 years and that's all you can think of...then call off the engagement....i'm sure you know plenty of females would love to be where you are...i had to tell myself the same thing...you never no what you have until it gone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): I read this and laughed because this is what my relationship is like! Right down to the ''you seem distant'' and the ''what are you thinking'' Only its me that does the asking and my partner who is the one getting annoyed. If your partner is anything like me, then he cares more about you than life itself and wants you always to be happy. This is why he keeps asking about what you are thinking. There is also an element of insecurity- not too much , mind, but enough that he needs some reassurance that you are not upset at something he has done or even worried about something going on in your life. Yes, it is annoying and it can get a bit much when its done every three minutes. My partner has spoken to me about this and I have cut down and only ask a few times a day and only if I REALLY need to. So the best thing is to speak to him about it but be gentle otherwise you might upset him. Finally, if you leave over this then you wil regret and even miss it. Yes, its annoying, yes it can get overwhelming at times but at least you know he ares for you. Imagine leaving this guy and being with someone who rarely (if ever) asked about how you were? Imagine lying next to a man who watched tv and barely acknowledged you... it might seem a welcome change but you will miss it. Think carefully before you do anything rash.
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A
female
reader, Vicci  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 Maybe you should talk to him, tell him you need space to think. Being in a relationship should mean you can tell each other everything, but you should be able to keep things to yourself without him being suspicous.
i say talk to him and explain your feelings, next time he asks. then just see how it goes x
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A
female
reader, seema shahid  +, writes (7 April 2010):
hey i guess thats really nice of him that he cares a lot about you and he always wants you to keep smiling.. he gets worried that is something troubling you or bothering you thats it.. this shows he madly loves you.. you can try not getting expressions which lead to such questions and try being more close to him and bubbly and the one who loves living his or her life to the fulliest.. show expressions that give him positive vibes and even then if it does not work sit and talk to him about it tell him there is nothing that i am thinking about and he should trust your reply and not ask again.. dont get annoyed your very lucky to have him he loves you madly.. all the best..!
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