A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Right now I'm in a very unhappy relationship. I have no idea what my boyfriend is feeling or thinking!Here is some basic information:- He is the same age as me- We were great friends for years before becoming a couple- We've been dating for almost 8 months now- He lives in the same neighborhood- We have some friends and hobbies in common.I took the first step... one night I asked him to kiss me. He did. Then he said he didn't know how he felt about me but was willing to give us a shot.For the first 8 weeks, I'd tell him once a week that I liked him (I wanted to say it more often, but I didn't want to pressure him) and he never said it back.When we were together, we simply went to a park nearby and made out. The only times we went out (other than going to the park) were during friends' birthdays.After 4 months of dating I had to ask him directly: "Do you like me?" -- and he said "Yes, of course". But that's the only time he said it.We haven't had sex, but it wasn't for lack of "attraction". Trust me, we have no problems there. It's just that we are both mature people, who want to wait for the right time. Plus, we're both virgins.He never calls me. Once a week, at the most, I'll get a text message from him... simply saying what he is doing. -- EVERYTIME we went out, I was the one who went to him to ask if he was available.I tried "taking a break" and not calling him... just waiting for him to say something. A whole MONTH went by and in the end I was the one who called him.After 6 months of dating... I tried breaking up with him. It was really hard for me because I really love him. He kept his poker face and only said things like "Are you sure? Don't do anything you might regret in the future. You can either choose to give us a chance and maybe something great can develop or you can give up and never find out" -- In the end I chickened out and decided to continue the relationship.But nothing has changed! These 8 months of dating might as well have been ONE month, for all we experienced together. NO dates (making out in the park doesn't count as a date). NO meeting each other's family (his family doesn't even know he has a girlfriend). This doesn't feel like a relationship at all! It feel like a "friends with benefits" thing. He might introduce me to his friends as his girlfriend, but I don't feel like one at all!Valentine's Day? He didn't do or buy me anything. Instead we went to his ex-girlfriend's birthday dinner (I only found the "ex" part afterwards, or else I wouldn't have attended). Christmas? I bought him a gift, but he didn't give me anything. Total presents from him so far: ZERO.I don't think this can be solved through talking. I mean... if he doesn't like me, then it's useless to talk, right?Should I break it off once and for all?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Polite Fellow  +, writes (4 May 2009):
I don't know what to advise you, its scary how similar it sounds to my situation.I met a girl i really liked at she had trouble showing her emotions we could talk about shallow unimportant things but anything more serious and she'd shut down. for over a year i struggled to deal with it, spending time with her in secret without our friends knowing we were together and without her parents knowing.It turns out though it was just because we were both virgins and inexperienced. i was questionning everything and she was hiding from it all. I stuck with her, and for me its worked out so far. Been with her nearing on 5 years, granted her parents still don't know, and we are both still virgins... and shes never said she loves me. But i know thats her issues, she has trouble with certain aspects of relationships. I've been her only ever boyfriend so theres alot to adjust to and its taking her longer.Thing is the amount of times i nearly broke it off because i couldn't cope with exactly what you've said there, turns out i stuck it out and am happy with what we have now. i hear from her almost everyday, i meet up fairly regular often at her own suggestion and sometimes she'll just text to say shes thinking of me.In my case she was just Chronically shy, and if this guy didn't like you then he wouldn't be with you and wouldn't have tried to talk you off of breaking up. And if he was using you he'd probably be trying more than just taking you to the park for a kiss.Its up to you if you give him the chance, it depends on how much you like him. I do find it a bit odd though how he has little time for you or to give you gifts like you do him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): Neediness is a turn off to the opposite sex whether it is coming from the male or the female!
If you are unhappy with this guy...who seems to be extremely self-centered and uncaring, then do something about it!
In my opinion, the relationship is unsalvageable!
You deserve to be with someone who truly cares about you! I am sorry to say that this guy is using you! There is nothing worse than feeling used!
You are very young. You can find happiness if you eliminate this dead weight from your life. You are a giver/he is a taker...it is the makings of a very unhappy life! Take it from one who knows!
Britt
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A
female
reader, TisJustMe +, writes (3 May 2009):
Although You Say You Are Both Mature People, It Sounds Like He Just Isnt.. If He Has Said That He Likes You, Then There Is No Reason To Assume He Is Lying.. Maybe He Just Hasn't Grown Up Much Yet. Remember, Boys Take a While To Get It.. I Know That Isn't Much Help But If It Is Any Constellation, I Understand What You're Talking About.. It Can Be Hard If You Are Unsure About Whether Your Relationship Has a Future. Why Not Say To Yourself.. "I Am Not Going To Break Up With Him, I Am Not Going To Make Myself Stay With Him. But I Am Going To Find Out How He Feels About Me". Don't Let Yourself Feel Awkward Or Uncomfortable. After All, You Haven't Actually Done Anything Wrong. And Just Talk To the Guy...!If You Need Any Follow Up Advice.. Send Me a Message. Hope I've Helped Nicky x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): You did all the pursuing and chasing in this relationship and that's why you are getting zero effort on his part! It's basically a one sided relationship and that's not really fulfilling. It sounds like he can take it or leave it so I would find someone who really wants to be with you.
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