A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok im 20 years old i just called things off with a guy i was with for 4 years. The relationship was mentally and physically abusing. He did a lot of drugs, drank a lot and lied constantly. He made me have a lot of trust issues towards guys. I grew up hanging out with mostly guys cause thats all that was in my family just about and im comfortable around them well he didnt want me having any guy friends. Well when i got out of this relationship my closest guy cousin introduced me to one of his friends that i fell for really hard. He is 27 and a really great guy. But now he has trust issues towards me because i lied to him about hanging out with an old guy friend of mine. Well after he found out nothing happened and we were just friends he calmed down and decided to give us another chance well then i found out he went to a girls house and got into a hot tub with her. I dont know what happened but i know it did happen he keeps telling me it didnt. Well we broke up because my ex and i lived in a different state and i had to go up there and get some of my stuff that i couldnt get when i left because i had no room in my car. Well i didnt have the money to get back home right then and the other guy got pissed off and broke up with me he kept saying i was going to end up getting back with my ex. Well we didnt talk for about a week and a half and he sent me a message talking about text him so i did and we started back talking well now we are hanging out again every now and then and he calls me really sweet names and if we are out he tells his friends thats my girl and gets jealous if another guy wants to try and talk to me he gets all defensive and says that guy is a piece of crap we are not together i just wanna know whats going on and when i ask him he says he cares about me and that loves being around me and kissing me and everything but he just dont about the whole trust thing. He will come to my house and stay the night and snuggle with me all night and not try anything sexually. He is sending me so many mixed signals that im confused. He treats me better than anybody i have ever been with and he adores my daughter. I wanna know if im wasting my time trying to get back with him or what. Can anyone help me?
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female
reader, persina1982  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 one thing i have learned... usually the men that have mental problems are the ones that will give u alotta love and attention. that does not mean hes good for you. you said the relationship was mentally and physically abusing. what makes you think that he has changed? first of all, he never accepted you the way you are. he didnt allow you to have male friends...why would u want to change your whole life and stop talking to all your friends because of a boyfriend? one day hell be gone and youll sit there and have nobody. men come and go, but friends will usually be there for you. dont turn your back on them. period. dont you think u deserve better? maybe u have gotten used to this kind of relationship so that u start thinking that this is normal and/or acceptable. but its not. there is a life after abuse. trust me i know because ive experienced it myself. u dont have to settle for someone like this and waste any more of your time and energy... because its not worth it. good luck
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