A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a man online about six weeks ago. I just recently relocated to a new city and starting to date hereWe met online and talked about a week before he actually met me and the chemistry was really good. I liked talking to him in the evenings everyday. When we eventually met I was attracted to him and vice versa... we had a few dates and slept together on the third date. I know it was too soon but it happened. I was aware of the situation in the beginning that he's only been divorced a year and a little confused but I'm a little confused myself to be perfectly honest.I know I want to be married and Have kids. I really like him he likes me too but the a problem in all actuality is he isn't sure what he wants to do with his life and has considered relocating to another city (which I certainly don't have to do again.) But I like him and I've been lonely in this new town. What I want to know is; am I wasting my time again or is there an actual possibility this could be good? if he's telling me he's uncertain about his life and may relocate should I walk Now or wait???
View related questions:
divorce, met online Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2016): Here we go again! Another OP over-thinking and too concerned about how things will turnout long-term with someone they've only just met. You can't be concerned about the future; when you're barely into the present.
You've just met a guy, and he's attractive. You've had a few good chats. So far, my dear, that's all. You cannot think long-term about an infant-romance; only on what's practical and reasonable for your job, finances, and living situation.
Yes, you had sex way too soon. Women often fixate or connect love to sex, or see sex as love. Men can often manipulate woman for doing so.
No! You don't relocate over some guy you just met on the internet. If you're new in town, you go online and find-out the most popular hot-spots for entertainment, restaurants, concerts, and the local museums. Explore and discover! Make new friends.
You go solo and gain some comfort with independence in a new location, and it'll boost your self-confidence. You meet people when you get there, sweetie. Don't let loneliness redefine your independence as solitude. Loneliness is a liar. It drains your spirit and energy; so you'll be less inclined to explore on your own. It's also self-pity. You have to learn your way around, and not sit around moping about some guy you hardly know. Start your own circle of friends.
Sex too soon, often bypasses very important things you need intellectually. You'll form attachment based on superficial things you know about the person. Not the real person. Which is why people feel insecure whether their feelings are on the same page, or if it was just good sex.
If he's interested enough, he'll find the time and means to get to you. You don't have anything established or fully committed; so go about your new life and explore. Don't become dependent on someone for the sake of his company. That offers him too much power. Out of desperation, you'll overlook red-flags; because loneliness also produces unfounded fears to cloud your judgement. It creates a false sense of helplessness. You're not lost, you're relocated. You'll become acclimated once you're more familiar with your surroundings. You'll see.
Be a stronger woman, and you'll forge stronger and longer lasting relationships.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2016): You don't have to walk away, just don't take it too seriously. You can remain friends with him, since you like him, and stay in touch with him and go out on occasion but just don't fall in love with him.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (7 September 2016):
 Just continue as you are for now. You may be the thing that makes him want to stay put. If you like put a time limit on it - say a year. If you don't feel he's going to be a good long-term bet then you may have to part company. I know there may be a sense of urgency about having a family, but women seem to be having their families much later these days You can afford a little time to make a good choice.
...............................
|
