A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my bf and i have a few problems i lost my job 2 weeks ago i cant pay the rent and he accusses me off it i tryed to make a plan to pay rent but did not succeedhe says he cant trust me no more and that if i dont get to pay the stuff b4 hand then he is Gone! reacently he is avoiding me barely talking to me if he is talking to me he's telling me to do stuff for him or scream on me. And if i dont listen to him he says its his way or the high way!Meaning out off my life back to his parents place and i can suffer on my own with no money no work no place to stay he says bcoz off me he cant cope at work hes work at work are getting behind he is grinding me untill i get one he wants to leave me he keeps on saying how bad i am insulting me, i dont know him like that is it bcoz he is under stress,For him to be nasty with me and blaming everything on me is it a way to get rid off me i told him im sorry and i tryed my best but he says no money no relationship! i cry at nigh times dont know what to doWhat should i do ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): With being a child of a violent man, I'm telling you know please please get rid of him! This man is an awful person, If her really loved you he would stand by you no matter what happened to you. For gods sake this is the signs of a violent realtionship waiting to happen, you have already done one very important thing, made up excuses for him. My mum did that for ten years, don't put yourself through that. This man sounds similar to my father, he was always pressuring my mum to get a better paid job to pay the bills. LISTEN this man is not worth it, you've got to be strong and leave him, and start rebuliding your life independantly! Good luck! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (1 March 2007):
 What a horrible man, why would you want to stay with him.
My advice would be to tell him to sod off, then get someone to come and share the flat with you and help to pay some of the rent.
He is totally un-surportive, you have only been out of work for two weeks.
If you cant get him out and someone to share it with you, what about you leaving and going to your mums house for a little while until you get a job. Then you could look into sharing a flat with other girls. There are always people wanting to rent but cant manage it on there own.
Get rid of the horror, and get yourself a new life
XX you deserve better
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A
female
reader, NuttyGooner +, writes (1 March 2007):
 Ditch this self centred and uncaring git!
I think it is horrible the way he is treating you, it's not as if you walked out of your job or had any say in the matter! And trying to pin his own crappy work performance on your circumstances is out of order!
I found myself in a similar situation to you last year, I was out of work for a little while due to a huge family crisis. It put a massive strain on my relationship (at the time, we were long distance) and my bf was my rock! He was supportive and at my low times gave me an ear to voice out to (I knew he got sick of it sometimes), and he had his own issues, but we listened to eachother and pulled through stronger than ever - but your bf sounds like the complete opposite.
It's a good job you found out about this nasty side to your bf now! What if down the line, you found yourself expecting his child and he doesn't take it kindly, or what if you were bereaved and needed to take some time out? Is he going to bang on about the money you are not earning?
Put your happiness first, hold out for a job which makes you happy, not because he is threatening you to. You're having a rough enough ride without this git adding to everything. No man is worth crying over! It will build your self esteem and self worth by getting rid of this tosser and devote some time to you, and find someone else who will make you happy, which this guy clearly isn't!
Good luck, honey, you can do it! xxx
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A
female
reader, Whisper +, writes (1 March 2007):
 My honest answer.....get rid! We all do things when we are unde stress but there is no reason fo him to blame you for losing your job. Get out as soon as you can, and as nicola79 says, h has no right to treat you like he is doing. Maybe he thinks you will stand his crap and let him speak to you like this,maybe this is his way of ending it?i would shock him and make the first move, out of there, re build your life and find someone who respects you. Good luck honey xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): I think it's time for you to make some plans to going it alone, without this uncaring fellow in your life. Your bf's behaviors are not that of a man who genuinely loves nor respects you. Your bf is frustrated, angry and upset that you can't contribute at this time but that does not give him license to be cruel to you. Usually in a good, solid loving relationship, when one person is floundering or experiencing a life problem, such as job loss, the other one picks up the slack and helps. He needs to be supportive and understanding. Sadly, with your job loss you are in a dependent position, your bf has taken your vulnerability and is using it to gain a position of power over you. This is a form of emotional abuse and it's weakening you. What you need to do, is empower your life, look after 'you' and regain your footing back. Call up your parents and ask if you can come home to stay until you get back on your feet. And once you do, then get out there and start pounding the pavement, looking for a job. Being away from this bf will give you time and space to heal from his hurtful behaviors and it enables you to get your sense of purpose back again. He's lashing out at you and it is holding you back..he's making you feel even more worthless. He's not a keeper, dear no matter how much you care. I am sorry..but you need to hear this. The sooner you can accept he's not a loving bf to you, the sooner you can say 'enough' and gain the strength to move on. I wish you the best, hun. Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): Tell him to go. He is threatening it - then let him go. He accuses you and speaks to you nastily, then tell him to get lost. Life is too short.
You will manage on your own and a job will come along, don't worry. I survived for 5 years on my own, and it was great, you will build loads of self respect and confidence, go for it.
Take care and keep in touch.
xx
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A
female
reader, nicola79 +, writes (1 March 2007):
 He is a waste of space my love,tell him its not your fault you lost your job and that you are looking for something.
But that gives him no right at all do be like this with you. If I were you I would be gone by now,I would not stand for that crap. What a horribe person he is, is there anywhere you could move to? if there is then GO NOW.
I hope you sort things out sweety, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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