A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I got married three months ago, and we have been together for a little over two years. I am probably in the happiest relationship out of anyone I know.In the very beginning I didn't want to be official with him because I was so in love with my ex. Also, he had a one year old daughter (I WASNT a kid person), and a lot of people warned me that he was a player. I just wanted to have fun. finally at a pool party and after a couple drinks I was like "okay lets date!"later that week I totally made out with my ex. Then told my ex that I was done with him (not because of the guy I was dating, but because he was really bad for me)Went on hanging out with my husband (boyfriend at the time) and ended up totally falling for him and realizing that he is...well...perfect. Never have done anything bad since.The thought about the kiss didn't cross my mind till a month before we got married. I started feeling so guilty. So I decided to tell him. I didn't want him to marry someone who had a secret from him. As I was telling him though, I got nervous, and told him we kissed, but not very long and I pushed him away and told him I couldn't.my husband still got pretty upset.now i feel guilty because he doesn't know the whole truth. I also lied about the location. I told him it was at a club, when it was really in his room. I thought if I said it was in his room, he would think we had sex.am I totally over thinking this? I don't want our relationship to be based off lies.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014): Yw. Remember your husband married you for one reason. He is in love with you.
Hold on to that. Dont mind the rest destructive advice just keep what will do good and best for you.
God bless...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014): The only people who ever think "living with it" is doing their partner a favor are liars.
Think of any instance of a long held secret accidentally coming out. Did the victim of the lie feel grateful to their lying partner for trying to spare them the hurt and living with the guilt for so long? No, the victim is normally just hurt & angry that they were lied to.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (27 August 2014):
 I don't think coming clean is going to help, because now he is going to wonder what you really did and are you breaking it slowly to him. Can he trust that you are now being totally honest. He will also always wonder if you settled and married him because you could not get the EX. Being honest is good but you had a your chance and if you want this marriage to work just focus on the future and leave the past as it is history. This will cause more damage than good. Why hurt him more than you already have , so you can have a clear conscience - live with it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014): I suggest you come clean about everything, including where it happened, and why you lied, etc.
Its something that women need to understand better about dealing with men. When it comes to your past sex life or cheating, we MUST be able to trust you.
The truth may hurt but you have no idea how much worse it will be if any more lies come out in the future. It will NOT make the lie less damaging if 10 happy years go by before the truth accidentally comes out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): Yeah that's kind of what I was thinking. He just knows everything about me so I feel bad for not giving all the details. and hes already forgotten about it, he was only mad for like a day. He said he figured something like that happened (I was a bartender at a night club, partying all the time) lol.
Thanks for the answer. It makes me feel like I'm not a terrible person :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): Your husband was just surprised.
But its not really a biggie thing.
If his matured enough to think that it was all in the past eventually he will forget about it.
I mean whats the point of staying mad to someone. Btw nobodys perfect. Everyone is guiilty of white lies.
I am not saying its ok to lie. I am anti liars. However you did it for a good cause so forget about it.
Start anew. Treat your husband like the best hubby in the world. Never lie to him again. Love him with all your might.
Dont live in the past it will jeop your present.
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