A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:well it started bad in the first place because i looked on my gf phone at a message that a male friend of hers sent to her. the message said and it was forwarded to her ....you and i do it in the bedroom.we do it in the livingroom we do it all over the house.we even do it(f***k***)standing up.we sure do love to text don,t we. send to ten dirty minds blah blah blah.ok its a joke about texting with an underlining meaning about having sex and dirty minds.ok i should,nt have looked at her phone and why am i so distrusting that i did so in the first place.ok before those answers can someone please try to explain to me about how i feel and is it wrong. i confessed that i looked at her phone and saw the text. she told me that she was going to tell me about that.first off she said that was out of character for him to send to her then she said he probably did so by accident. she told me that he had never sent anything like that before and she thought it a little weird and that she wanted to think about it before she told me.she then proceeded to go off on me about looking on her phone and brought up all the crap in our relationship.anyway i told her i was hurt that he felt he could send that text with the underlying meaning even if it was ajoke.i asked her if she was offended by it at all and was she going to say anthing to him.she said she wanted to think about it 2 days later she asked him if he accidently sent her a text he said which one and she mentioned something like the one about texting and he said no it wasn,t accidental sorry if it bothered you.she replied nothing.couple days later i asked her if she asked him she said what i just wrote and that was it.now hears one of the kickers we have been together for 4 years and broke up several times for very short periods (week to a month)and during our last break she told him we were done for good.so when we got back together she didn,t tell him.i told her to tell him we were together and that i was offened by it even though it was a joke.she said that her non responce to his last text was good enough.i said she didnt follow thru with what she said she was going to do.i told her i wanted her to tell him how i felt about it. she said he had probably forgotten all about it and that he was busy.i told her that a good time to tell him about it had passed when she originally was asking if he sent the text,anyways she finally reluctantly texted him that we had gotten back together again and were giving it another shot and that i felt that the text was inappropeate( nothing about how she felt about it and this was 2 weeks later)he texted back that he didnt no about a offending text which one.she said the text text about f***k*** that was really about texting and she says he didn,t say anything.i told her i wanted his number i wanted to talk to him myself.she refused and thats kinda of where were at.i have taken it on my own thru another avenue to contact him left him a message with my number and that i wanted to talk to him and he hasnt gotten back to me 4 days.she has been talking to him from what she tells me u the usally good mornings how r u and there has been no mention of any of this.i fill she has minimized this to him thru her texts and communication about this.i dont fill that she cares how i feel about this and that she cares more about her friendship with him than us and that they feel as if this is ajoke to me.i no im making alot of this that it shows insecurity on my part and that im concerned that if i with someone that cant respect my feelings on this not mentioning that it really concerns me she didnt find this offensive.she has told me that they have never been together sexually and that she has no feelings for him than friends i no im messed up but please what gives here am i totally out of line.
View related questions:
broke up, got back together, period, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): ok, i would like to apologize for the 'total jerk' comment. I think you were being a bit overboard but not a total jerk. She is reluctant to address this because she likes you. Her friend didnt think twice about this text. It meant nothing. It was just a funny...gotcha thing. To go back and make a big deal about it again makes you look like an idiot to them, and she wants them to like you so this puts her in an impossible porition. I come from a pretty conservative place but this is something i would send to those i am close to, who i knew would think it to be harmless and funny. Try to put this behind you. Yes the innuendo factor was there but it was not a come on. And again i apologize for my previous post.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): Friends do text like this. I have a rule about not welcoming forwards but I do know that people who text constantly tend to send forwards about all these supposedly funny things.
My dad had read one of them once and was throughly offended. And even my explaining that it was from a gay friend did not help.
But for you to ask her to take specific action is just nagging. You've embarrassed her by making her take up something with a friend for whom it was no big deal. And the only way that can be relieved is by projecting you as the crazy here.
You don't sound like you don't trust her. You are actually checking to see if you overacted. Yes, you are.
Interestingly, there seems to be a complete male-female divide over this on this forum... Caringguy: She did not do anything. Her male friend texted her. She said she was uncomfortable and did not respond. That is simple courtesy. That is what most women do with an unwanted, ambivalent, maybe-its-harmless sort of message. Ignore it once, bring it up casually if it happens in a pattern, worry if its repeated before breaking contact or taking it up seriously - esp if its from a trusted friend.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): you are a total jerk. She needs to dump your controlling self. I got that text from my 25 year old son...who is a preacher.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): Thats what happens when you snoop.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): the real issue here is just not this mjunk text it is other issues. you actually do not trust her, right? why? what has she done in the past? is her friendship inappropriate with him, or you perceive it to be. maybe she needs to set boundaries with this man. she needs to stop confiding in him about you two, basically she needs to be his friend and not his/her emotional lover. the texting and stuff need to stop and you also need to learn to talk to her about whats eating st you.in this woman and you ar serious about your relationship the friendship shit should not interfere with you two. she needs to understnad it and she needs to now rectify the situation. in the end you need to learn to trust her.
...............................
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (21 October 2009):
 Practice this rule with your GF my friend...you can never go wrong with it.
When considering a relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibilities he or she has. One lie, one broken promise or a single neglected responsibiltiy may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But three lies says you're dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchipin of conscienceless behavior. Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and less costly. Do not give your money, your work, your secrets or your affection to a three-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sweety Pie  +, writes (20 October 2009):
 Mate, that text is just a chainmail thing thats sent around. I would have no problem sending to to my friends. I get millions of them, admittedly most not as graphic but ive got worse.
Dont worry about it :)
x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): Not completly but maybe you should talk to her. You probably should not have looked through her phone it is a bit personal but I understand where your coming from. You have to have trust in eachother...talk more about everything. Ask and maybe you can get answers
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 October 2009):
My friend, friends don't text like this. They really don't. I think you're girlfriend is talking a load of rubbish, and was even reluctant to tell him you'd got back together. In my opinion, you'd be better getting rid of her and finding a woman who actaully won't treat you like this. Yes, it will be hard for you, But you'll find someone esle when you're ready, who will actually just love you. Good luck .
...............................
|
