A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 years old and college has definitely helped me put on the pounds, so I'm huge everywhere except for my boobs. They look the same as they did when I was a scrawny 7th grader. I also have really short hair because I think I look better with it and I'm not good at styling. Unless I wear a lot of makeup I look like a boy with my hair+my figure. Whenever I go to parties, the guys always like my friends but then they either treat me like complete trash or ignore me. I've been in situations where a guy is trying to find someone to dance with and they say "why not her?" so he'll come over to me, look at me and just say "nah" and walk away. I know that boys this age are stupid but I really don't like this treatment. Am I just too ugly to get a guy?
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (23 June 2014):
Appearance is important in many factors of life. When you go to a job interview, you try to look professional, suit, clean hair cut and a spit shine on your shoe. If you want to date or party, you also need to look the part. Appearance is not everything but it is certainly something.
Boys are stupid yes, but other women have set that bar for them very high. It goes both ways. I am not saying you need to look like a supermodel but effort in your appearance is not a weakness, it shows you do care about yourself. There are lots girls of all sizes getting action and fun in their lives so you should do some research and apply it where needed!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2014): We can't see you, and if we could; we would never tell you that you were ugly. That's not what we are here for. Nor will we swell your ego by telling you you're beautiful, just to make you feel good. That would be encouraging you to place your self-worth on your appearance. Not who you are.
You are going to have to learn on your own that people are cruel, and you do the best you can with what you've got. You want to use the word "ugly" in reference to yourself? What could anyone say to that? It's a full-time job reassuring people that they're not ugly. What's the point when they aren't convinced? They need counseling. The problem is in their minds. It is not reality.
Yes, most of the problem is in their minds. Some people take bullying a lot more personal than just the fact that people are mean. They blame themselves. They feel it's their fault that people are mean to them. They don't place the fault on those people for being cruel and ugly.
Yes, you get picked on for being "fat." For being gay, short, skinny, pretty, plain, smart, slow, tall, black, white, tan, and everything else under the sun. You have to be strong and know that isn't your fault. PEOPLE CAN BE MEAN AND CRUEL, AND IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT; NOR HOW YOU LOOK!!! Nasty people go for the very thing they know we are sensitive about; because they can. If you are over-weight, that's their target!
We give advice here. We can't rewire your mind to like yourself. That's your job. You put yourself down; because you've had a few bad experiences. Guess what, you just got a small dose of life. It's good, it's bad, and sometimes people say and do mean stupid things. Learn to take power away from them. Nobody's perfect. If you look long enough, you'll see their faults and imperfections too.
Instead, you give them all the power.
You should see your doctor about your weight issues. Make sure there is nothing glandular, or there is no undetected illness. Then, ask the doctor to suggest a diet-plan based on your medical history; and follow-it.
Wear a push-up padded bra, if it makes you feel better. Otherwise, love your boobs. They're yours. If you like short hair, wear it with pride. It's your hair! You don't like it, wear a wig. Get a weave, or shave yourself bald. Wear a hat.
People love using weight and looks as a reason people don't like them. Not one person I can recall mentions anything about their own attitude. Yes, your own attitude. Your self-defeatist and self-deprecating attitude. Your obsession with picking yourself apart.
You don't like yourself. So you let yourself go, and you blame other people for it. College life. It's diet and stress. Happens to ALL OF US. In the winter, we stay in.
We stress out from our jobs, relationships, school, and the evening news. We eat more, and get very little exercise.
Thus, we gain extra pounds.
That doesn't make you ugly,just over-weight!!!!!!!!
Remedy? Diet and exercise. Commitment to lose weight, and self-determination to change your attitude towards yourself.
You can't always act a victim to the cruelties of others. You can't let your perceived lack of beauty be your excuse for not being friendly, outgoing, and confident. You aren't comfortable with interacting with others. You want people to fawn over your looks, because you think looks will get you everything.
Then why do beautiful celebrities turn to drugs, alcohol, and self-destruction? They're beautiful, have money, and big boobs! They don't like themselves. They aren't satisfied with their many blessings. They aren't loved for who they are, but for how they look! Your problem in reverse.
Therefore; looks aren't everything! Do you want people to love you for who you are, or just like looking at you? It will not guarantee they'll be nice to you. Jealous girls will tear you apart. Guys will exploit you for it. So I guess you have to settle for being you and liking yourself.
Just as you are, and what you will be by your own design.
People who don't like themselves spend a lot of time picking themselves apart. We suspect a lot of issues we receive posts about, stem from body dysmorphia. You can look that up. It is a mental disorder. Most of the posts we receive stems from depression; and people have gone off their medications and are having a bad day.
The majority of it is a bad attitude. All of it requires some professional counseling to deal with emotional trauma and self-esteem issues. When the pain runs so deep you call out for help, you may need something more than kind words from an online site.
We can offer comfort, advice, and encouragement. You may require the help of someone licensed in mental-health medicine, to deal with the issues beneath your feelings.
People who just don't like themselves; because they were not physically-designed the way they think they should have been, may have deep-seated issues that the simple advice we offer may not help.
They're protesting that nature should have made them beautiful; and therefore they wouldn't have any problems. Everyone would love them, and they would have a line of potential boyfriends or girlfriends out the door, and around the block.
Guess what? We get just as many posts from people who are beautiful; and they are treated with cruelty, and disliked by others. They are bullied, called ugly, and verbally-abused like other human-beings. There are no guarantees in life, I'm afraid. So we improve our quality of life; when we embrace life, and be thankful for small things.
My dear, you can fix your weight and your hair; but it will not matter, until you work on how you feel towards yourself. You aren't too ugly for guys, you're mean to yourself. You don't like who you are, so you let other people poison how you feel.
If you lost weight, but don't change your attitude, it will make no difference.
Your hair is short, your boobs are too small. You go on and on and on. You were born to be who you are, like everybody else. You don't know how to fix your hair; then find a friend to teach you how! Go online and watch a video of how it's done. Ask your mother, a sister, aunt, friend, or neighbor. Ask the stylist who cuts your hair. Save a few dollars to get your hair done now and then.
Beauty schools do hair and makeup for free, or at minimal cost!
Have a lady's night with a group of girls you know, and teach each other how to apply makeup and fix each others hair. Share beauty secrets. Oh, now you're going to say you have no friends? Salons do hair and nails. Gyms are for exercise.
Learn what you don't know how to do. Learn to like yourself. Weight, small boobs, and all. That is who you are.
Your genetic make-up. It's all changeable on the outside. You need to go deeper. Go inside first.
When you like yourself, that shines through to others; and people will like you and your spirit as a person. That's called personality. Grow one. It's not hard at all.
Sitting around with frustration over your looks will make you hate life. It shows in your face, your body language, and in your attitude. You are only ugly to yourself, because you are mean to the sweet girl inside you; who just wants to be liked by other people.
Let her come forth. You'll free her when you decide to stop criticizing her for how nature made her. When you realize people like you more for the person you are. Your looks can be changed with makeup, exercise, diet, and grooming. That's all useless when you have a bad attitude. You're already convinced guys don't like you. If the guys you know are that nasty, you're checking out the wrong guys!
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