A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So, I'm searching for a serious relationship. I've never had one. I know this guy who is really nice and friendly, but I only saw him as a friend... until two weeks ago saturday we went to a party and he held my hand and was really nice to me. I had a couple drinks and we ended up in his car and just about having sex I told him please don't, because I'm a virgin. (I am, but I ain't no saint.) He understood, and was such a sweetheart, told me I'm beautiful and treated me like a princess. I gave him oral, we did a lot of things but there was no intercourse. In the middle of the thing, he asked me out on monday. Next week we didn't go out but he wrote to me all week (chat) and we talked a lot. He is addicted to skate and he skates everyday. On friday, we decided going to our friend's prom. When we got there he just wouldn't come around. I was so sad, thought it was only a one night thing. :( But then I just told the guys why don't you come and dance and they all stood up and he grabbed me. Since that moment, he spent all night with me, held my hand, danced only with me and again, treated me like HIS princess. My plan was not to do those things I did the night we were a little drunk, but... we got in his car (his friend drove all the way back home) and we got dirty togetheer! :) I like it with him, I have no regrets! he makes me so comfortable, please don't tell me I'm too young because I know what I'm doing. So I totally like him, but he just doesn't seem to be up for a serious relationship. Or maybe its too soon to tell. I know it was stupid for me to do those things but it's just me. I'm a really passionate person and I havent had sex because I haven't found the one. What do you think?Please help me guys, I know I'm a bit slutty for doing that but it's not with every guy I like. What can I do for him to ask me to be his girlfriend? How can anyone take me seriously if I like getting physical when I like someone?Been through this a few times already. PLEASE HELP!! Thanks so much!(by the way I'm 16) xoxo.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): Hi guys, it's me, i wrote this question!
Thank you so much for your answers, they helped me a lot!
I know that a guy who is 19 maybe isn't looking to settle down, but it just gets me down to see all these people who have nice relationships and know that he has had a few in the past.. also, I just found out about this girl who he hooked up all 2010 every time they saw eachother, (she this a huge house where they always throw parties and her brother is my guy's close friend) I always went, but never happened when I was around so I didn't even expect that when I found out, because she is not "pretty" or else.. and my friends also told me he fingered her, but never had a relationship. I'm really jealous and I don't ever want to end up like that!
Maybe I'm just wrong! He had told me in the past that he wasn't a virgin and that he didn't like going to night clubs because he didn't have a gf..¿? that's just really weird!
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (1 February 2011):
 First off, in response to "I know what I'm doing," *no one* knows what they're doing. There's no shame in that.
Anyway, putting out too early (oral and handjobs included) convinces a guy that he is not special, and you have probably done the same for other guys. You claim you aren't a saint, so this assessment may be accurate. Solution? Don't put out to early! Enjoy the anticipation! Delay the gratification a little while, it'll be worth it. Your personality is not written in stone, you are under no compulsion to get physical so fast.
I'm not sure whether you qualify as "slutty" just yet, but you have to remember that even if you aren't, the *perception* that you are could work against you. You need to demonstrate restraint and self-control to guys, so they feel like they've actually "won" you, instead of just taking their turn.
I couldn't say whether this guy will stick around from the info given. Some high-school guys are hormone-addled enough that they'll overlook early physicality and still like a girl. But it's not a sure thing, so slow things down now, and if he asks about it, tell him you felt uncomfortable going so far so fast and you want to get it right this time. Ignore any counter-argument he makes. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (1 February 2011):
I think both questions are related now. Will anyone take you seriously if you get physical in the first date? I think most guys (specially those who get the girls to sex in the first date) won't take you seriously if you give them oral sex in the first night. In fact, in that very moment they realize you could have done the same with every guy you dated or you have met when going out.
When I was younger I have been told that I should use the easy girls to have sex. But nothing serious, because these girls have a long list of guys they have been with in the past. I didn't do that. I didn't used those girls but neither I dated them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): Good for not having sex. I think you should wait for at least five months of having a relationship with him before doing that kind of thing so you get to know him properly.
Guys don't value what they definitely have and can easily have. Enjoy your own life and don't be too desperate to commit to him. Know your boundaries, make him respect them and if he doesn't, walk away immediately. There are a million guys out there who are nice and will treat you well and respect you, don't ever settle for less.
Don't hook up with him in his friends car, if he does respect you, that's a good way to get rid of that respect. Guys respect the girls who respect themselves.
As for getting him to commit to a serious relationship... Are you sure you're ready for that? They take a lot of time to develop and you can't have one with someone unless they feel the same way. You're young, be free, explore yourself and your interests and develop your mind. Don't worry about guys too much, they come and go.
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