A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need advice...I feel I am TOO happy to develop strong relationships anymore, let alone keep anyone interested in me. This may sound silly, but other than this disturbing new trend in my life where I seem to fail to connect with ANYONE - whether romantically or platonically, I feel pretty content and at peace with the choices I have made in my life, my career, my activities. I do still have many goals and keep myself busy... but I feel like my contentedness makes me uninteresting to new prospects.I have been single for a few months. After a slew of painfully horrible dates (I blame myself for the most part), I've finally experienced a connection and have started a relationship with a guy I knew from college. Everything is fine for now, but honestly, we've just moved from dating to relationship and I feel like I've ALREADY run out of things to say. What is wrong with me???I'm at a loss. My life is too happy, too simple. But honestly, I have not had a perfect life. My childhood was imperfect, I currently have little to no contact with my father, I have tons of student loans, and I know I'm going to have to take care of my mother one day because my brother won't financially be able to do so. But I'm preparing myself for this and I choose to take action and not be unhappy.I'm 22 and I've already got a degree and have begun my career. I love camping, hiking, yoga, reading, trying new things. The only strong relationship I have has been around for 10+ years, except for the connections I've made with the older women in my life (and I learn so much from/am so thankful for these relationships).I'm a no-drama girlfriend. This initially attracts guys, but they lose interest VERY quickly. Hardships bring people closer; even contrived drama brings people closer. People feel like they "made it through with" or "helped" their significant other. It's almost like guys want something to fix. Or maybe they think I'm not being real - I don't know.How ironic, that being happy with myself can be so isolating and cause so much unhappiness. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): Maybe it's not so much that you're too happy , but that you don't share much of your thoughts and feelings? whether positive or negative thoughts and feelings, self-disclosure is a major factor in developing intimacy and making people feel closer to each other - both romantic as well as platonic relationships. it lets people get to know you, and it makes them feel that you like and trust them enough to tell them personal stuff.
maybe you are too superficial in the things you talk about because you don't want people to know what you really think and feel? maybe you think this is because you are "no drama" but actually other people see it as "closed off and not interested in connecting."
as for guys liking drama-filled lives. I guess there are guys who thrive on conflict and drama and suffering (just as there are women like that) but most guys get tired of perpetual drama-queens. Initially it may look like a drama queen woman is "passionate", but the exhaustion and draining of energy that it takes to deal with someone like that can get old very quickly if it happens a lot.
maybe you're so afraid of appearing like a drama queen that you've swung the total opposite and consciously developed a persona of being totally stoic and emotionless like a robot?
A
female
reader, LovelyLemon +, writes (27 March 2012):
 You sound like perfect relationship material! You are stable, know who you are, know what you want, and don't like drama. It doesn't sound like you're boring, it sounds like the people around you are maybe not on the same level in their lives, that would be why you've connected with older women. Women your age usually are not stable and consequently have rocky relationships. I think you are incredibly lucky to be in this position.Just wait it out. Don't try to complicate your life in order to make yourself "more interesting". You are in a good place, and someone will definitely meet you there. Life comes with a bunch of dud relationships before you find a good one after all!Much love and Best wishes
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