A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right .. Well I don't really know where to start this, basically my boyfriend of 2 and a bit years and I have been going through, well a very argumentative stage. All we ever seem to do is argue and to be honest I really hate it. When we are like this it drives me to the point that I just want to leave and never see him again, but I know I wont do this beacause I really do love him. He's the only person in the world that I feel or have felt this way about.Anyway, if you know every day that you're going to see the person you love you should feel happy right? Well I always feel happy until I see him, then it feels like a big let down. It seems like I've built this perfect image of ourselves in my head basically from our "honeymoon" period and I hate it when things aren't like that. Everyone tells me he loves me but I'm just not sure anymore. Take today for example, I went to see him on my lunch because today is his day off and he normally likes seeing me then but today, he just curled up in his covers and went to sleep. When I got up to go he said, "is that you away" I told him yes and he said good you were doing my head in. I had hardly said one word in the 40 mins I was there. I try not to let things like that hurt me but it does, especially about when I think about all the stuff he's said to me before and when he's cuddled me not wanting me to go back to my work.He has really changed, and with that he has changed me as a person. I used to be able to confront people about things but now I cant. now I feel like I should just sit there and say nothing, like I have no opinion on anything. The worst thing is though there is this girl that we both met a couple of weeks ago, that I think he might fancy, but then again this might just be my paranoia. Her name is Claire and she is a friend of a friend and known to be a bit of a slut. She was texting me telling me to get my boyfriend to go outside to see his friend but he never went out so when I did she was standing there on her own. She started telling me that my boyfriends friend "Ran Away" when he saw me coming but after seeing him yesterday, he confirmed what I already thought, that he wasn't there or did not want to see my bf.Later that night they both sat next to each other with a cover over them and then she lay with her head in his lap, I had had enough so I left.He didn't even apologise, infact he found it quite funny that I got upset. He kept calling me stupid and an idiot for thinking that but what else was I supposed to think?Now she has got his number and is texting him all the time saying "hey you, what you up 2? xx" etc and it is doing my head in. I just want her to leave us alone. I also know that she has slept with my pregnant friends boyfriend and I cant tell her because of the baby coming, so I dont know what to do with that either!My boyfriend has seemed to go off sex with me as well, we only do it when he is drunk now and the majority of the time he does not come. I have put on a bit of weight and I think this might be why he wont sleep with me, its not like I've gave up on sex, I try most nights but to no avail. I feel like I must be the ugliest fattest stupid cow in the world for trying to do it with him but for him only doing it when hes drunk.I cant talk to him about this as he will laugh at me or tell me I am pathetic for thinking that etc but I cant help it.. I am starting to think there might even be something wrong with the way I act so I choose to bottle it all up and tell it to any strangers that will listen. I am really sorry about the length, I would just like to know what you would do ?Thanks in advance..xxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): Waz is correct...your boyfriend is a coward and he's treating you horridly. He has a hold on you and I am wondering why you do love someone who can treat you, in this way? I always say, a dependant, needy woman acquires the self-esteem through attachments to other people..even abusive people. Claiming to love someone who barely can acknowlege you, is a sad, dependant state of existing, isn't it. You are experiencing deep sadness because this bf's demeanor toward you is meaning a lack of his interest. You are right-that is what it is. What I am trying to understand about you is why is this causing you to 'lose yourself'. So instead of you saying, "to heck with this boor", you seem to have a compulsion to grab what you can from the remnants of this relationship and make it work. Stop doing that to yourself..quit selling yourself short here. You are so worth more than that. And if he doesn't get it, go find a life with awesome friends and positive people who love and build you up. Don't stick around and lament, over this cad.
Your bf's affections and loyalties have definitely moved on. So yes, Give him his walking papers...plain and simple. You can and will repair the damage done to you, by his poor treatment..it will take self-love and patience and time. Once you heal and recover...you can indeed, look forward to a new surge of self-respect, personal contentment, and possibly emotional intimacy with someone who appreciates you. Right now, you have been weakened by your emotions and affections for this undeserving man. Sorry, but that's it in a nutshell. Please remember to be good to yourself, surround yourself with people like family and friends, who do care and love you. In time, you will reclaim your self-respect and your self-esteem and when you do that, you reclaim yourself. Good luck sweety and take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the Anonymous person .. Thanks for making me cry lol in a nice way though. I honestly do not do anything without bryan, we are basically always together apart from when I am at work and he is at college/ work. I haven't got very many friends, I'd say I had 2 good friends and they are both Bryans friends girlfriends. I have no hobbies really that cant be done indoors but I know if I start doing things without him he'll start getting aggressive again..
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, the other girl was last weekend, sorry if that was. And he does have a part time job and the rest of the time he is at college
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (11 September 2008):
 Well, it seems a mess, but there is one thing I wonder about.
You went to see him during lunch. I presume that means you left work/school and found him under the covers. Presumably that means he was at home in bed.
Then later, you found him with a girl, again under the covers. Still in bed?
Am I right in getting the feeling he is a bit lazy? No job, no school?
The guy just sounds like a total waste to me. Of air, space and your time.
Do you really love him or do you love the idea of being in love? What exactly do you love about him? If you can't come with a list of reasons then you ain't in love with him. You are either in heat or just afraid to be on your own.
Women like you should really learn to accept that if love isn't working out, you end it, get over it and try again with someone else. Love is NOT an excuse to be with someone who makes you miserable. Stop being afraid of being alone and dump this guy and find someone worthy of your affections.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have just text my bf saying can you please just tell me if you love me or if you want to see me. If you dont its okay, I'd just rather know now rather than later and he text beck saying :
Stop f**king asking me stupid f**ckin questions all the time. a think me tellin you 1ce should be enuf. I dont need any of your sh*t, why the f**k do you always have to ruin things.
I think now I know atleast
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (11 September 2008):
This relationship has eneded, you need to get out of it. He has no respect for you.
You say you've never felt this way before - well you are only young. Everything before this has been a teenaged crush, but that doesn't mean this is the only thing out there.
Leave and move on. There are guys out there who will make you see that although it was your first love, it's not going to be the best.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, NeverGoodEnough +, writes (11 September 2008):
 He obviously doesn't care about your feelings so why waste them on him?
I dont know you but Im sure you could do better
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