A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi girls, I need some help with tackling my jealousy. I get so jealous when my boyfriend speaks to another woman to the point where I feel sick to my stomach. I trust him but at the same time I feel that I'm not good enough and that he will cheat on me because he doesn't want me, anyone understand? I don't like him being anywhere but with me, I don't tell him this of course and I don't restrict him from doing anything but it's what I feel inside. I never started out this jealous but as the relationship has gotten more serious I've gottren more jealous. He was my first and I was his so I guess he's the only person I've ever really totally let my guard down with and this is what's frightening me. I don't think I have a very high self esteem and its really getting me down. I sit sometimes when he's at work and I basically torture myself with thoughts of him with other girls and what he might be doing(even though I know he wouldn't hurt me). I really get myself upset over these stupid little things and when he comes home I hardly speak to him and he hasn't a clue what's wrong with me.PLEASE HELP ME. I don't want to lose him. We've been together nearly 2 years now and I know that if I start to act the way I feel I will lose him. Even last new year was awful for me. When midnight struck my boyfriend was at the dancefloor hugging another girl and he kissed her on the cheek. I was so upset I got up and went home. What upset me most was that he had left me to sit by myself to bring in the new year and this upset me so much that this year I wouldn't let him kiss me and I stayed away from him when it turned 2008.Am I the only girl like this? Please help me understand why I'm soo mentally challenged here!
View related questions:
at work, jealous, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, prettykitty  +, writes (7 January 2008):
Yes i know exactly how you feel, i'm in the same vote myself.
Except i also have the added dilema of my bf watching porn when im away. He knows i hate it and continues to do it.
So whenever i leave him alone always wonder what he's up too.
Jealousy rules here.
Hate feeling jealous, it's no good for ourselves, but it seems to be something we can't stop as women.
It does tear down our self esteem and confidence.
We just have to have positive thoughts and stop the bad thoughts before they take over.
A
female
reader, sxcarshalz +, writes (5 January 2008):
Your situation is exaclty like mine and my bf.
you need to talk to him about it but be mature otherwise it will end in a aggrument, trust me ive learnt from experience aslo if your jealousy is really bad it will destroy your self confidence as it did to me. Im still with my bf only because i talked about it to him. If you are suffering low self esteem like i was try and set out goals for yourself not just image but of otherthings you want it helps. try going on the internet to look fo help.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): Aw, sweetheart - I understand, I am exactly the same. I can't really suggest anything as I myself can't cope with my own jealously - I can only tell you that you aren't alone. And that if he really didnt want you, he wouldnt be with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, chica_23  +, writes (5 January 2008):
haha, you arent mentally challenged its normal.My boyfriend went to a party without me, after he didnt talk to me, for a few days. I was soo scared he met someone else, i didnt confront him about the issue. It became this big problem betweem us and we started seperating. I realized how much he ment to me, and i sat down with him, and asked him if he had met someone at the party. He said yes, but he also said he wanted me not her so he didnt do anything with her. I think if you sit and have a conversation with him, things will solve themselves dont wait and let the problem become larger.
...............................
A
male
reader, the boss +, writes (5 January 2008):
Dear anon 18-21.
No you are not at fault jealosy is probably the most misunderstood reaction in the animal response manual. yes animals do particularly the big cats they are are experts.
So as a little cat you are trying to understand.
Well first let us look at the male end of the problem. man sees girl, likes girl or girl is handy i.e. lives next door. probably can cook and hope fully in his mind shags like the proverbial. Girl has not told him to go away.
Girl has found him meeting her specification at greater than a 98%tile, more than adequate level. i.e. he has not upset her yet. Therefore is possibly not as good as girl might find. Now as you can see the situation, if explained as I hope i have, is complicated for the girl because if she logically does anything to rock the boat it could spoil things so she does not. The result of this is classic romantic frustration and I do not mean sexual this is purely a mental thing, you personally may other effects but that is hardly unexpected. So girl does nothing subconsious trying to resolve problem. So the girl looks for clues as to why she feels as she does. hey presto she cares. She knew that. but if she rocks the boat....
so up with jealosy level.
What is this jealosy. Simply the same effect that she would if she did after marriage and it went wrong. this is simply a demonstration of her feelings.
Boy of course reacts because he perhaps is not qute as far down the path or even on a another path. (HIM this is inconvenient..) starts to runaway. unfortunatly female and male emotions are not something you can play with or adjust.
She then runs away not knowing how to cope... he react because numerous possible reasons, does not want to hurt you does really like you, you are very convenient, I like your mother etc.
What do female cats do well, they if interested, find a nice warm place take him there make cuddly growly noises and roll on their backs, and probably have him. But in the big cats world this is normal behaviour.
In the human world, well in the human world things are more complicated, we can talk, lie, cheat and every thing else. and then we get really upset when it goes wrong.
Of course being able to understand your self does mean that you often find something you don't like, so you try to change and find you cannot.
But talking actually does work,if you can sort out what to say without embarrasing yourself.
Why embarrasing.. think about or ask for more explanation.
...............................
|
