A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a couple of years now, and throughout that time I've always made an effort to keep myself looking good, groomed and special just for him.He's never been a style horse but he used to at least shave, put on a nice shirt and some spray. He now only shaves when we go to social occasions where we'll be seeing others. I can't remember the last time I saw him dressed nicely.I feel like the romance is dying. Every single day, without fail he talks about our finances, bills non stop. I've asked if he could stop talking about it EVERY DAY (I organsie and pay all of our bills from our joint account except those that are just for him anyway) as it is an instant mood killer for me, but still - no change.After my final day at a job I hated I had hoped we would do something nice over the weekend to celebrate, but instead every spare second of his time was spent with his friends, watching sport, and going in for over time at work. I know, I can do things to bring the romance too, but it feels kind of impossible when Im confronted with these things that kill all feelings of romance within me. Im wondering, why the hell am I going through this seemingly mid life esque marital crisis when I'm an attractive 24 year old woman? Am I the only female out there who feels a million decades older than I actually am due to a partners complete inattention?I don't want to have to entirely orchestrate the romance or appreciation my partner gives me, so what do I do?
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 He may have a difficult time "shifting gears" when he gets home from work. That is, he spends the whole day thinking business, and then can't get into relaxtion mode back at home. I work the same way, and so did my dad; he dealt with it by taking some time between when he parked the car at home and when he went inside to have a few quiet minutes, take some deep breaths, and water his roses.A temporary solution would be to convince him to try that, and/or to arrange a time during the day when you don't talk business (for example, dinner time, or the hour before you go to sleep). Maybe the rule lasts forever, maybe not. Pitch it to him as something you want to try, not as a demand.A more long term solution would be to get a part of his mind devoted to fun in the morning, something he can be ready for that night. Take some time in the early morning before he goes to work to flirt, rub his shoulders, kiss him for at least five or ten seconds. Just enough to get you in his mind.When he gets home, greet him the same way, then go about your day. I know you said you don't want ot take the lead all the time - what you're doing here is creating an environment where flirting and non-business talk is closer to the norm. You have to give him time to adapt to it, but eventually, he should start taking the lead himself.As for weekends, plan some outings together in advance. Don't count on him being free with zero notice, even though you're married. Build some anticipation - plan out your saturday on monday, then tell him you can't wait on wednesday. Talk about it together. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): I do have another job, so our finances are okay.
I feel as though I am so ready to inject the fun back in, but he doesn't feel the need for that balance.
Our finances are joint and we're in a good position, but he is solely focused on the future, with little attention to the here and now.
I work very hard, and so does he, but he doesnt seem to have an off button, whereas I work hard so I can press that off button and forget all about it
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (11 April 2011):
Hi there. When you say you left a job you hated, did you get another job, or are you at home all the time now?
It sounds like you need to add fun back into your lives.
Perhaps you could try something different. Why not get a picnic hamper, and blanket and go for a nice picnic on a weekend? It doesn't have to cost much. Just grab whatever you have from the cupboards and make some sandwiches. Or, you could bring some barbecued chicken and salad and fruit juice - or a bottle of wine. It'd be a nice peaceful experience for you both.
Change is definitely on the cards for you both, for sure.
You need to distract him away from money issues, it's becoming his whole life, it seems.
If you are not working at the moment, this might explain why he is feeling this way. Because obviously, there would be much less money coming into the house now.
And if he is in a well paying job, even though you may be paying the bills fairly easily at the moment, he would find that he has a lot less money over each week - that's if you are not working.
If this is the case, you need to talk to him about it. It might be getting him down a bit. He might be watching his savings go down and down and down.
If things do become tough financially, you might need to think about finding at least a part-time job. This would help things tremendously. I think you might find that his mood would also lighten up.
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