A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello aunts and uncles, please bear with me as this is a long story.. I'm not sure where to begin with this, basically 7 years I ago I started talking to someone via an Internet site, at the time we had both come out of bad relationships but we became good friends online and eventually we started developing feelings for each other however he was scared off because I had children and he wasnt ready for that big serious relationship that I clearly wanted it to develope into. So basically I pushed him away, we were both young at the time and we each found other partners but always stayed in touch as we valued each others friendships. His relationship broke down after 3yrs and then he met another woman and was with her for 2 years. I was with a very paranoid controlling man and only recently found the strength to leave him. Now my guy from 7 years ago and I have always had a 'thing' for each other, Deep down and for me he has always been the 'what if guy'?He is very intelligent and is not afraid to tell it like it is however he finds it really hard to talk about feelings. He never shows signs of affection at all normally, but now we are both single we have spent hours and hours each day on the phone together, and he always makes the effort to speak to me.Now this is where it gets complicated, I have found it really hard to understand if he's genuinely interested in me or just wants sex from me.He's a guy who has no problems with the ladies, oozes sexual confidedence ect and a few days ago things got a bit passionate over the phone.We've talked about meeting up and he's asked me out on a date, and he's even talked about a potential future but then he got a little cold with me.It was out of character. As if he was holding something back... he loves deeply when he commits and puts his all into the relationships and it just seems he constantly gets the bad end of the stick.Which makes me think hes just scared... But then after a couple of days of this quiet side of him, all I asked is if he was still interested as he's sending off mixed signals.He decided to get all defensive and we hardly spoke for a 2 days.Now hes come back and said hes interested but thinks if we date, then straight up means we're commited...?? I know personally I wouldnt want to date anyone else and he has told me hes not interested in anyone else and changed his FB relationship from single to its complicated.So when I asked him about this I said "so does that make you unavailable now then?" He said "well its so no other women try anything with me and it means im unavailable to anyone else" with the emphasis on that, because he definately said it in a way like it was aimed at me. He goes conpletely silent if I mention any other male friends ect so I KNOW he likes me... but this hot and cold thing from him, it does really gets me down... ok we havent met yet but we know anything and everything about each other and we have planned to meet. im just really looking for honest opinions on this...? sorry if none of it makes sense ive tried my best lol I guess my question is is he really interested or am I like the fall back girl?thank you in advance xx Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (23 February 2013):
 OP, I don't know what's going on with this guy, what are the motives behind his behaviour, but advise you to read this article as I think it applies to You.
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-youre-better-than-waiting-around-for-someone-to-make-up-their-mind-or-spontaneously-combust-into-being-available/
I think you need to try and arrange that date with him (don't have sex or it'll complicate it and what his motives are for dating you). If he keeps backing off, cancelling dates or going cold, I think you should move on.
Good luck x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for taking the time to answer my question ATSWEET1, without meaning to sound rude I found your answer a bit confusing and dont really understand what you mean?
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Or course he wants you commitment sex and love making. I know I dont want to waste time with cut buddies and so forth. I'm too good to people and they just want to use til they find better than what I have to offer. Also if you want dating he wants to partake in that as well so no opportunities are missed on both ends. I dont mind the children because I have some too. I just rather have long term relations than rolls in the hay.It's exciting and fun but Im not built for that. I would say its a issue of uncertainty not being scared because if you both single whats to lose but time really. Scared to be heartbroken is so 1st grade we all been there. If anything fear of wasting time energy trust broken somebody bitter angry you dont want to be there fool for love is probably the real underlying issue.
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