A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My question is, am I stupid, or all these events may be taken to mean that she was interested in more than friendship?While I was traveling with a group of Canadians, because of my work, I met someone I very much liked, who I will call Girl A. She is 27 years old; I'm 37, single and alone.One particular afternoon I noticed that Girl A was staring fully at me while I spoke to other people. I felt it was like she was absolutely absorbed, and I kind of felt she might like me.That very day we stayed in a hotel and I shared the room with the driver. The day had been a very hot one, so everyone was taking showers. The driver took his first, and then I went in to take mine. Girl A and Girl B had the room next to ours. Well, while I was in the shower, the driver decided to watch the Playboy channel, and the volume was very high, so it is possible someone may have heard the moaning of couples on TV from outside the room. Girl A and Girl B knocked on our door, supposedly to tell us about a music concert that was on at the time. The driver quickly changed the channel, opened the door, and they could see I was not with him at the moment. When I came out of the shower, the driver said he felt the two girls had come to pick us up, or to check whether we were making love. But we decided we would say nothing. These girls were our customers, and we didn't want to make a fatal mistake.During the dinner, Girl B made the comment that they had gone to our room to tell us about the music concert, but they didn't want us to think they were there to "pick us up". I said they had arrived in a bad moment, because I was in the shower at the time. Woman A, another person from the group, said that no, they had arrived right on time. I said nothing.The day after, while we were in a different city, Girl A invited me to go out for a walk. It was late at night in town and there was nothing for any of us to do, as it was a small town where everyone was already asleep. We went out for the walk with the driver, Girl B, and Woman B.Then, the other day, while we were coming back to the same town, Woman B brought up the subject of couples where the woman was a Canadian and the man a Latin (like me and the girl). She complained that all too often Latin men marry Canadians because all they want is to get a visa there. In summary, I said I didn't like that. Which is true. However, I couldn't help having the feeling that they were asking me questions to see what I would say. We were sitting in the front seats of a small bus, and I didn't notice everyone was listening to us. I found out about it only the day after. Woman B mentioned that "apparently we were amusing everyone yesterday".Well, that evening, Girl B said they wanted us to go with them to listen to live music and dance. Like I said, the driver and me were working with these people, and he is married, so we didn't want to make any fatal mistake. After dinner, we quickly went back to our room, to avoid the invitation politely. We didn't want the rest of Canadians thinking we were taking advantage of these two girls.I need to mention that we were somewhat rude in leaving the dinner table early. We ate our food quickly and left; all we said was "good night", and we said we were tired.Then, at 10:00 at night, Girl A came to knock on our door. We were not asleep; we were simply trying to avoid the invitation. Girl A said they wanted us to go with them. She looked nervous. We decided we would go with them. It turned out they were going with Woman A and Woman C, both in their fifties. I felt like they were going just to keep an eye on me and the driver. The place these girls wanted to go was for young people, like in their early twenties. But the driver and me thought that was for the best: we would have "chaperones".While we were getting ready, Woman B came and said that she understood everyone at the music place were "gentlemen", but that we should "take care" of the girls. I said we would. I thought this was like a warning. Woman B said she wished she could go, and I said she should. But she said she would stay with her husband, who was sick.When we were in the music place, Girl A insisted in my dancing with her. Now, I don't dance (I just can't), and I had told her so before we left; but she was insisting on it. At some point, she went to dance with Woman A (the one who said they had arrived right on time while I was in the shower) and then they suggested we leave. Which we did.When we were back at the hotel, the two girls went in and started giggling very loudly, with a nervous giggle. We could overhear them while we were in our room.The morning after, the girls mentioned they had been giggling late at night. We said we hadn't heard a thing.When Girl A left for her country, I missed her very much and e-mailed her, offering "help". The first answer was an e-mail that seemed to be the autoresponder from her mail account, something like "I'm away now but will respond later". The thing is, she was not away from work at the time. She had been in her country for something like two weeks by then. And she had answered personally a previous e-mail I had sent her for work reasons. So, the auto-responder was off by then. What's more, the auto-responders work immediately, and this "automatic message" came after two days.Girl A said she hoped she would see me soon. In several e-mails she mentioned that a) my e-mails made her happy, b) she was happy she had a friend she could write to, to say something more than a few lines. c) everything happens for a reason, and went on to mention the many events that had to do with our meeting each other.I took all this to mean she had a thing for me. I started to e-mail her in this direction.Then she said she might come to work in this country. I went crazy and offered every sort of help I could get. She then backed off and said she would stay in her country. But then she started saying she wanted to come to make a video docummentary. I offered every possible help, and she eventually stopped talking about this issue.I took all this to mean she did have a thing for me.To make this long story short, with time I started noticing she was always saying she was busy. However, if I hinted I would not write anymore, she would respond very quickly with a short message that could be summarized as "I appreciate your e-mail, I honestly don't have the time to write back to you".I had sent her several things she would find useful for her documentaries. I was using her work address, the only one I had at the time. Well, then she complained about my presents and my e-mails. But, when I said I didn't know what to do, she responded by sending me some books AND HER HOME ADDRESS. She also sent a CD by a singer, and mentioned that this singer is a Jewish, daughter of a Jewish Canadian and a Mexican. I'm Mexican, and she knows it, and she is a Jewish Canadian. Maybe this is a coincidence, but it doesn't seem like it.And then she said the CD had a beautiful song which she liked particularly. The song says, in summary, "Kiss me, I miss you". This was while we were already having problems.Then she said I had crossed the boundary "knowing she didn't love me". She said we should not continue to e-mail each other. I said fine, but that she wouldn't know if I honestly cared about her unless she let me talk to her. She agreed, and said we would continue to e-mail each other.One reason she gave for not loving me was that "every Latin man gives this sort of attention to women anyways". However, I suppose that, if I am that kind of a man, why would she want to be friends with me?My question is, I repeat, am I stupid, or all the previous events (the dancing, conversations, et cetera) se events may be taken to mean that she was interested in more than friendship? Sorry this took so long. I needed to give the full account of the facts.If possible, I would love women to give me any insight as to this. It's over, but I want to learn from the mistakes I may have made. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, heyheyhey, for your comments. I appreciate your perspective, because you're female and you belong to her culture. Maybe you're aware that things can be interpreted in different ways in different cultures: I understand that, in South Africa, red is the color of mourning. Would you go to a burial dressed in red? This is an exaggeration, of course, but I want to make a point.Your saying that many people are flirts is very valuable to me. Maybe she was flirting, but, no, she didn't mean to go any further. I was not aware of that, and, because I very much liked her (specially her way of being), I let myself be carried away. To her, I am simply "someone who crossed the boundary". I understand now why she said that "every white woman receives this sort of "attention". In her eyes, she was just friendly, maybe a little flirty, but no more than that, and I abused her friendship.Maybe I'll explain this way of seeing things in a month or two. Just for closure.Any other comments are appreciated.
A
female
reader, heyheyhey  +, writes (16 June 2007):
 This is probably not the answer that you want to hear but it seems as though she said it all by "...she said I had crossed the boundary "knowing she didn't love me"...." I do not think she is in Love with you. If you truly love someone you will not be making excuses or not make time for them. The holiday-I do not feel she was really giving indications of wanting a relationship. Perhaps she was flirting a bit-but alot of women (and men) are flirts. I feel you should stop contact with her-you seem to be the one doing all the chasing. IF she really does love you then she will chase you once you stop. Perhaps that is what you need to do for your own sanity as well-it is true what they say, set something free and if it does truly love you, it will come back. Good luck
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