A
female
age
30-35,
*ickyxo
writes:i'm 18 years old and i live in birmingham (england), but i'm really attracted to a guy who lives in cardiff (wales) and he's 19.i've never met him before, but i've seen him on webcam so i know he's genuine and not a middle aged pervert.i've known him for about 2 years and we're finally meeting this weekend!i'm really scared to meet him incase he doesn't like the look of me or something.i really do like him and i'm also scared about the distance between us.if we get on really well when we meet and we both really like each other, i don't know how a relationship would work with the distance!does anyone have any ideas on what i should or could do?or am i stupid to say i really like someone i've never met? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, jmac1344  +, writes (24 April 2007):
 I used to think online dating was pretty stupid, but then my sister met a guy online who lived 2500 miles away, now they're married and live together.
So I say if it works, why not?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): Hey Vicky! Wow that sounds just like what i did nearly three years ago, i met a guy online who lived in Chester and im in Surrey, we me, kissed and he moved into my house (with my parents and siblings) 6 months later.
I had all the hang ups u had, i had never even kissed a boy before! but don't worry if he's interested he wont see what you're worried he will see, and even if u do look slightly different, if he *likes* u then it wont matter, trust me. Just be yourself. He even thought i looked better in person! People do! And he's seen u on webcam, my b/f didnt and i didnt see him on it either!
However i can't honestly say that my experience has been completely perfect. My boyfriend (the guy i met) and i are going thru a rough patch 2 1/2 years on, everyone argues, but its the way its resolved that counts, but like we have had quite a few bad ones before now and more so recently. I'm not trying to put a downer on u, i'm sure he and i will work it out but the point is is that even tho i was talking to him as long as u were this bloke online, there are things that i didnt see/see being a problem that now living with him actually are, like his pride and unwillingness to apologise and his tendency to sulk, in his room (we do share a room but he has one too).
Also like we were very close online, and we met just after i went on holiday and on the night before we met he snogged some other girl he had met online who had insisted on meeting up with him before i did. He told me this a few weeks later before asking me out. Although we weren't going out at the time i was hurt, and he felt guilty, and he said had i done the same thing with a guy he wouldn't have even gone out with me. He still talks to her now even though it all came to a head last year when he realised that she had been consistently trying to force her way in as she was still interested in him. (She even said she loved him a few months before he and i met up etc, and there have been other stunts that i won't bore u with). However whilst i trust him (not her) and even though a week ago when i asked he said if he had to choose he would choose me, i said that i didnt want him to talk to her anymore, ive realised there's no point telling him he can't talk to her, cuz if thats what he wants then i'll either have to reach a level of not caring if he does talk to her/decides to cut her off, and not see her as a threat, or realise it's not going to work. To be fair he hasn't met up with her since they first met, it all came to a head last June when he wanted to cuz she lied and said she was moving away and wanted to see him before she went. And i said i would go, with my brother, to meet her too, on the advice of my oldest and wisest sis, so i wouldnt feel left out, but then it dawned on him what she had been playing at and so he decided not to.
Sorry, that was quite theraputic. Anyway I suggest that u take it slow with this guy, but not be afraid to, if u do hit it off and he kisses u, when he goes back home or even before he goes back home, to find out what he wants, if he is maybe interested in going out with u. Let him ask!! :P It feels nicer to be the askeee, trust me!
Me being fairly naive at the time thought that as we had made out, we were going out, so when he later online indicated that we weren't i felt confused. (I think he brought up the fact that we weren't cuz he was just trying to gague if i was interested in going out.) So watch out for that one.
I wouldn't recommend u say u love him until it feels right. I was very enamoured by my b/f online, it might have even been love but i sensed it wasnt exactly a good idea to start talking about love on a first date. When we did say we loved each other it was a good few months later, i interrupted him cuz i sensed he was gonna say it cuz he had tried to summon up the courage a couple of times the same weekend and i felt like saying it first (he later said he was about to too!) In retrospect, i wish i had waited for him to say it first. I'm not sure why, but its a good rule to follow, always wait for the guy to say it first. Cuz by the time he's managed to gruffly summon the courage to, if u feel that way u'll be dying for him to say it, rather than u say it first, and then risk him not being ready to, which might hurt. It wouldnt necessarily mean he didnt love you, but he might not be ready to say it, or he might have strong feelings for you but not be ready to label them 'love' yet, depending upon his own reasons i.e he might not want to risk it/could be afraid of saying it. Actions speak just as well if not louder than saying 'i love you', trust me, so don't stress about it.
Obviously don't like rush into sex and stuff, if he's worth it he'll wait until ur ready. Most guys say they have no future with a woman they sleep with on the first date.
So yeah, enjoy meeting him, see how u get along, and make sure u don't end up feeling like uve been left in the lurch, like if he doesnt ask u out when u meet, or until u next meet, it doesnt mean hes not interested in that, but act with him when u meet up how u would feel comfortable thinking about afterwards if he decided he didnt like u romantically afterall atall. i.e had i been left having kissed the guy i met up with i wouldve been sad, but not felt as used as i would have if i had slept with him, before we were going out and before i trusted that he wasnt just interested in shagging me then leaving me. So yeah, have fun, but please be careful.
And most importantly take somebody with u when u meet, my b/f even brought someone! and meet in a public place. It's just commonsense. And always have ur phone on u and don't go back to where he is staying alone, its not sensible, take him back to urs to hang out (if u live with someone else and they're in.)
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A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (23 April 2007):
 No, you can like someone you have never met. But you cant truly KNOW them until you spend time together, LOTS of time together. Talking on the phone and chatting online just arent the same thing as spending time in each others presence, because what they SAY and WHO THEY REALLY ARE dont always coincide. Character is about what you do rather than what you say or what you believe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): To answer your last question, no I do not think you're stupid to say you really like someone though u've never met them before. A chunk of a working, growing, happy intimate relationship - even just friendship alone is about mental connectivity. Being together physically, in each other's comfort and arms, reacting and acting to each other's actions and reactions all make up the other half. 8]
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