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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm not sure what to do.i am 16 years old and have been dating a 37 year old married man for nearly a year now. He i adore his children and i am friends with his wife. We have recently told each other that we love one another and i've stopped seeing each other for him and we are hopefully going away for the weekend soon to get away from the secrecy we have to show around people that we know. We have had a long talk about our future and i know that he isn't going to leave his wife for me because his own parents split up which devastated him and he doesn't wanted to do that to his own children but he ensures me that he wants to be a part of my future. i know its not perfect but i really love him. Is what i'm doing stupid?loved up from london
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (12 December 2006):
 There have been several very silly and judgemental comments passed on this forum about your behaviour. You are not stupid - but you have been totally manipulated by a player. Look, this guy says he will never leave his wife....so what he basically means is you will always be second best. You can never look forward to a 'normal' future with him, you know, getting engaged, buying a place together, having kids, even just being seen out in public together!!
I can also guarrantee you this, he WILL drop you like a hot potato when his wife finds out. I promise you that. He will scuttle away and try to repair his marriage and you will be left in the lurch. You will never have this man, he belongs to somebody else...his wife and his children.
The age difference is not the big issue here and not the thing you should be most concerned about. I would say the bigger issue is the fact this guy has taken yopur youth and niavety and turned it into a toy he can play with, he is using you for his 'bit on the side'. having his cake and eating it if you like. Why would you want to cheapen yourself like this?
My advice to you would be to get out and do it now. But you probably won't take this advice, you will probably find your affair is discovered by his legal wife and that he disapears before you can say 'boo'. Do you really want to stick around to see if that happens?
Good luck, 'cos if you don't get out you are gonna need it!!
x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2006): I really dont think that what you are doing is stupid. I am 17 and I am dating a 59 year old man. I love him and I can share my life with him in a better way than what I would with a guy around my age. I wouldn't doubt having a future with him, even though he's much older (i guess u understand what i mean), so far we want to move together as soon as we can. I think you should go ahead if you are completly convinced and understand how big is the age difference. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, CRIMESCENE418 +, writes (9 January 2006):
Uh yeah girl! I am involved with a man with three kids and who just left his wife. This is no kind of life, being torn between two women. Someone has to lose, they have to. You wont be the one there for holidays or good times or bad. You pretty much have whatever his wife will allow him to have away. When you get older, you will realize this. Its not love, you are simply a thrill, something he may have never thought possible. When us girls give in to temptation, our passions, our lack of convictions, and fall hard for the wrong one, we are the ones left holding the bag. I guarantee she knows of you, the wife may not know who you are, but she knows there is another woman in his life. Women are not stupid, our choices in life are what make us miserable or happy. Only you can answer that question, but ask yourself this? Am I really happy? Can he really be there if I really needed him? If my world fell down tommorow, would he really care? What if I got pregnant? Could I do that on my own? You have to look out for you. Simple as that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2006): Hi, this is the girl who wrote this in with the 37 year old boyfriend... thank you for all your reply's, they're really helpful. It's not actual illegal what we're doing though is it? Because i am above the age of concent and adultery isn't illegal in England. oh and a comment to Joe about whether we have kids (not that i think we ever would) my father is 60 years old and he's actually a really good parental figure to me. i'm still deciding whether i should still see him... but thank you for your help.
loved up from london
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): YES!!!! End it, he sounds like a dirty, lying, disgusting pig and I would tell him to hit the road. Imagine how his wife feels and then imagine how you would feel if you were her and your 16 year old friend was having it off with your husband. Girl, get some new friends, your own age. Don't hang out with 37 year old married couples - that's just weird! I love the way he is so dedicated to his family and would never want to break them up but he's cheating with someone young enough to be his DAUGHTER. Real family values there. If he was that committed to his family - he would keep it in his pants. Tell him to go away and if he comes near you again you will slap a statutory rape charge on him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): YES! What you are doing is **INCREDIBLY** stupid.
You are way too young to settle for such an incomplete existence. Get out of this relationship NOW. Take some time to get to know yourself, and then date some guys your own age. You deserve someone who will be COMPLETELY devoted to you.
END IT.
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A
male
reader, GLforever +, writes (3 January 2006):
 I am a generally a strong supporter of younger / older relationships, no matter how large the age gap. If he were single, I would say go for it.
However, since he has made it clear that he is not going to leave his wife for you, then for the two of you continue in the direction you are going is likely to lead to big problems for one or both of you.
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A
male
reader, Joe +, writes (3 January 2006):
well simply if you have helped this guy to be what he never wanted to be which would have been a lying, unfaithul and deceiving to his wife and kids then yes it is.
but he is to blame just as much as you if this gets out.
you are probably nothing more then something he will use to hold on to his youth as he is getting on in his.
think if you are to stay with him and you were to have a kid with him at the age of 25 he will most likly be 46 by the time this kid leaves secondary school their dad will be roughly 61-62 he will most likly be unfit to deal with the everyday life you WILL want at the end of the day this can only end in a bad way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2006): You need to get out of this relationship. This is not going to work out AND its very illegal. You should probably seek some counseling as you probably have some issues in your past to deal with. Sorry to be blunt but you need to hear this. Get away from this guy as he has a problem and is a sick man (i'm being as kind as i can be here). I'm sorry dear but this is a problem for you and you need to out of this realtionship and get yourself some help. You are going to have to give yourself some time to sort yourself out I'm afraid. Put you can do it. Be strong
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