A
male
age
41-50,
*oul83
writes:Thanks for the help you guys have provided in previous threads.I think that I suffer from jealousy a lot of the time. The stuff with that married guy turned out to be nothing. They don't communicate with each other anymore. But I still have things that I'm not happy about...My fiancee came back from Bali a couple of days ago and everything seemed pretty good. We were close. Wed night she decided to hang out with her gf instead of spending some time with me. I was annoyed but let it slide. She ended up having her phone stolen and had to recover it from the police station so wasn't home till late. I thought she was trying to pull a 'oops it's late and i think i will stay at my friend's place instead' act (she did that a couple of weeks ago after originally telling me she was going to be home before 12 and then rang around 1am to say she was at the bar and was staying with her female friend - who also got on the phone and I could hear them carrying on). I was so pissed off that night but let it go.Thurs night was good. I celebrated St Pat's day and she came along. We were both very close and after her friend left, she was spending a lot of time with me. Everything was ok until we got home and she became very grouchy and started getting impatient with me. That completely ruined my mood. Before that I was happy and a bit drunk but looking forward to making out with her.We are both working long hours. I dislike that she has dinner with her male work colleagues one on one but have let it go in the past as I know for a fact that it's kept entirely professional. I tend to finish too late for us to have dinner together and she often stays back at the office late too and has dinner with her 'friends' which I've grown to accept as meaning both men and women.But tonight I rang her and she seemed to cut me short on the phone and said she'd be home soon. I was on the way home from my job (only an hour earlier I had seen her online and thought that she was at home and must have gone out somewhere). Well, after I arrived home she told me about how she had gone to her male friend's apartment for dinner. I gave her a look of disbelief and she told me to cut it out and that he is a married man with children and that she's been to his place and met the wife before.I find it impossible to believe that. What married man would let some young female work colleague join them at their home?? Somehow I don't think the wife would allow that. So I've come to the conclusion that she was visiting some guy at his home behind my back. Needless to say I'm beyond furious. I tried to be intimate with her when we turned out the lights but she was so focused on her work prior to that, that we really didn't share anything. She was just snappy. Kept complaining that she was too tired. I tried again after lights out to be intimate and she again said she didn't have time for sex. I lay awake until now (4am) just battling the anger and frustration. That's three days in a row where she has hinted at sex but then turned around and said she's too tired by the time we go to sleep.When she came back from Bali she was acting really close and even hugged me all night. But after just 2 days 'together', she's turned the complete opposite because of her work schedule. She's working Fri/Sat/Sun and then off to the Maldives for another 5 days on Mon. We both have full days of work (12 hours for me actually) and I can always find the energy to be intimate. Even when I have a lot to worry about. Not so for her it seems. Just selfish behaviour? Or I'm too selfless? Or I'm being played?Either way I'm not comfortable with her just all of a sudden turning around and saying 'oh by the way today I went to my guide friend's home. His apartment is just nearby our home'...It's like something out of that movie 'Unfaithful'. Except I'd much rather get my revenge by cancelling her visa and staying here in China (obviously after moving out). I'm not a vessel to Australia... anyway I'm just speaking out of anger.
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drunk, fiance, jealous, married man, revenge Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): Cancel her Visa immediately.
We have all spoken before and u have chosen to ignore us all.
Only after u grow some and decide that u have been taken as a fool, ridiculed for the last time, then will your complaints have merit. Right now u are just empty words, no backbone to do anything about the lieing, cheating, disrespectful gf.
How many times must we say: Run and don't look back.
LoveGirl
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (19 March 2011):
 I've lived in China for 15 years. If your girl had a mobile phone stolen and was able to recover it at a police station I'll eat the chair I'm sitting on.
She is playing you continuously. She is treating you with contempt. The phrase "I tried to be intimate with her ..." is just humiliating.
Get rid of her. It is not going to work. It is not going to get better. There are so so many sweet, beautiful, kind girls in China that it is simply perverse of you to put up with the kind of disrespect and abuse that you are getting.
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (19 March 2011):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply. One thing can be established, I'm the sort of person that doesn't just want to chill at home (despite her observations of that too). I want more 'us' time going outside and doing things together :-/ Basically, when she gets moody and starts carrying on, I want to try and restore the balance.
Yeah she's the kind of buddy-buddy type of outgoing person (very outgoing and good at networking with bosses). I'm more reserved.
And actually she's more the type to want to stay home and not go out when we spend our time together.
Sure, you are spot on that her bossy/strong/independent personality is a complete opposite of mine. It doesn't make sense from her end to behave that way. She is so moody. Yes it's a lot of pressure from her job. Massages? No chance. But I think nothing will change who she is.
Yes I need to either accept her ways or find a way out.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 March 2011):
 Oh my god you are still with her? How many "drop her like a hot brick" responses do you need to get? It's like you stay in a relationship just so you have something to complain about. She is not a bad person. You just have different ways of thinking and want different things in life. She's very open, a buddy buddy person, her world is big while you are a "relax,stay-home-and watch-tv-with-my-honey" kind of guy. If I were her and I want to live in Australia, I would be smart enough to treat you nicer, give you massages every night and spend as much time with you as possible. You must be thinking she is some kind of rare exotic jewel.
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