A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. My girlfriend and I only recently started dating and this is the first proper relationship I've even been in. Because of that, I'm worried that I'm perhaps doing too much too early in the relationship.So far, I've written her a letter to tell her how much I like her, and I also tend to send her a message everyday.We now talk on the phone everyday, and for some reason she insists on doing the calling. Even though she's the one doing it though, I get the feeling as though the pressure to do it came from me, because I've asked from time to time if she's free to talk.How do I know if I'm being too clingy, and how do I make it so that we can better understand each others needs?Thanks =) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (4 July 2011):
Hi there. If you were wanting to be with her at every waking moment and to know where she was going or who she was with, well then that would be a bit smothering.
But you don't really seem to be doing that, so I don't think you are being controlling in any way.
In actual fact, it might be her who is a bit controlling - by her insisting on calling you, rather than giving you a chance to call her occasionally.
It's not very healthy, wanting to keep things under control the way she does.
Don't write her any more letters like you did, because it could lead her to think that she's on her way to walking down the aisle with you. It's way too early for that yet surely. I'm exaggerating of course.
But I'm sure you understand.
If she insists on calling you all the time, perhaps sometimes you could just not be there, or DON'T answer your phone. If she calls your mobile phone, you could press the red (end call) button, which will send the call straight to your mailbox. Then you can deal with it later.
Or if she calls the landline at your house, get someone else to answer it, and tell her that you are out at the moment.
The point I'm trying to make here, is to give her a bit of leeway by not always being available for her calls. It then shows her that you do actually have a life of your own outside of your relationship with her.
She might ease off a bit with her phone calls to you, when she realizes that you aren't always answering them when she does call. It will do her good.
Too much predictability can become boring.
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