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male
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*ostmymojo
writes: Please help.I was on and off with a girl for 5 years and she told me many times she was madly in love with me, but I didn't return for mistaken reasons. Now she's in love with someone else after 2 months. I told her I love her but she said she's over me and values me as her best friend. Was it selfish and wrong for me to tell her that I cannot be best friends with her and need space so I can heal? Should I have been supportive and happy for her new man and shows that in the future I have a chance?thanks
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female
reader, twiggie_04 +, writes (23 March 2006):
 no i think you werent shallow you love her but time to chill can be bad and also good try to be happy for her even if deep inside you are hurt, you never no you might find sum1 round the corner, it is best to stay friends with her as you never no she might feel that old flame starting to re-light give her time she might get bored with the guy she is with at the moment or she might be with him to make you jealous all of us girls have did that she does still feel for you and maybe hurting her self. stay friends for the moment and re-build what was lost and also flirt and give her comments she will love it!!
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (23 March 2006):
 In my opinion no it wasn't shallow. Friendships after an intense and or lengthy attachment take time and often fraught with initial problems. Space often isn't a bad idea. The fact is that you have those feelings for her and if you had kept them under wraps they would have most likely damaged any friendship you had with her.
You were thus placed in a tricky position. Her new man maybe a bounce but he may not so if you want her in your life in any form then you do have to come to terms that you may only ever be friends now. If you really want her then you will have to accept that it is friends. I think you have to be open-minded about this friendship and maybe hope it will be more but dont automatically expect it to be. Hope that helps.
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