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male
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anonymous
writes: I need help from females! My girlfriend and I have a good relationship and I trust her, without doubt. And this isn't about trust. Rather, lately, she is so busy I don't see her more than 2 or 3 times a week. She is 26 and in school 2 nights a week, also she has a good friend who she meets up with once a week. I am 38 and I work, come home and chill out. We used to have a GREAT sex life, but lately its not important. Last night, she went out with mutual friends (I was working) and came to stay over. She was buzzed, and normally she is horny, but she had to be somewhere the next am, so at about 11 she hinted she needed to get to sleep. Well, this is ALWAYS our time to be together, if you understand, and when she does this, she knows I would be like, "hmmm" . So, what is wrong with this? Am i being selfish? I don't mean to be, but dammit, I deserve to be wanted and needed too!She isn't cheating (as positive as I can be) but she always takes me for granted. Also, she likes to push my buttons, and when I respond, she accuses me off being mad, or silly, sort of invalidating my feelings.I don't know what to do? Is it wrong to want to be with your girlfriend often? I'm not needy, but I never know when we'll see each other. She sets that, and it sucks. I'll say, when do we see each other, and she'll be like, oh, how about 3 days from now.Help!!!
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female
reader, marie78 +, writes (14 November 2006):
Apparently, she thinks you're a push-over! Any ideas as to how she came to that conclusion? Think of your behavior... how are you allowing her to take you for granted? And in what ways? How are you contributing to this situation? Now, trust me, I'm on your side, but it's important as individuals for us to take partial responsibility for what's occuring in our relationships. You're allowing her to walk all over you... so pull away from her... stop visiting her at your 'regular' time... and don't contact her as much... don't always be there for her... start engaging in some new activities... meeting new people and making new friends... lead a full life! It is obvious that she doesn't appreciate you! trust me... I've been there. My ex-bf (now friend) was taking me for granted. I kept doing and doing for him, and he kept taking and taking and not giving me the appreciation I thought I deserved. But did he ask me to do all those things for him? No! Did he even know I wanted the appreciation? Probably No! We're all raised differently, right? At any rate, I kept doing for him because I cared, and dammit, I wanted appreciation! So, I understand where you're coming from. Here's the thing, you have to take control of your own happiness. Either start distancing yourself from her, so she can start wondering why you're not contacting her as much... and if you're still interested... OR sit down with her and express to her how you're feeling. You're definitely not a priority in her life and that's a problem. Good Luck! Keep me posted!
A
female
reader, daisychain77 +, writes (13 November 2006):
 Hi Sorry to hear how you feel right now. I can assure you its normal to want to be with your girlfriend. I dont know if i'm saying the right thing here or not? What i would say is you need to start doing your own thing with your friends the nights you're not seeing her. She knows that whenever she calls or needs you, that you would be there for her. I dont doubt she loves you, You also say that its up to her when you both see each other. To be honest a relationship works both ways, you need to take charge a little also, Can i ask would you cancel a night out with a friend just to be with her cos she wants you there and then? For instance if she says i'll see you in about 3 days or whenever, You need to be strong and say actually i'm doing something that night so can we make it when i have a night free! Hope i've made some sense? Its not a matter of tit for tat more a matter of compromise and this is what we do when we have another perosn in our lives that we care about. Good Luck Hope this helps?
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