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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have known the guy I have been seeing the last two months for over a year. I was surprised the first time he asked me to dinner but we get along great and have fun together. The problem: He is the first guy I have really liked since my divorce a few years ago. I know there that the last woman he went out with was about a year ago(didn't work out) and he almost got married once. I can't say that either one of us is horribly demanding in the relationship. Very casual yet we enjoy being with each other, spend a lot of time talking about everything. Outside of the bedroom (where he is extremely generous and considerate)though he offers no physical contact beyond the ocassional touch. He is a very private person. And seems insecure in some ways. We're a lot alike in both respects. Do I have a problem or should I just let it go and see how things develop?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2005): You say you talk through a lot together so why not talk to him about your worries with this relationship?
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reader, pops +, writes (27 October 2005):
I am trying to glean from this what the problem is. Are you wanting a more touchy relationship outside the bedroom? If so, TELL him. To hell with his being a very private person. Who isn't. No one married, or seriously involved with another should be treated in mixed company the way you would treat a co-worker, or your boss, or your brother. Intimates are intimate, in public and private. In public they hold hands, put their arms around each other, and even dare to kiss in public! My wife and I played " grab-ass" with each other, seeing if we could embarrass each other, or make the " victim" scream or cry out to alert people around us what was going on outside their direct view. We were always whispering in each other's ears what we wanted to do to each other in private. And we laughed a lot, and had fun, which makes a lot of other people nervous. He will get used to it, if he really loves you. Tell him what you want from a marriage, so you don't go through what you did with your first marriage.
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