A
male
age
41-50,
*sykomonkee
writes:I am re-asking this question only because the first time, I failed to mention some important details that were covered in some answers I received. Then after I added the details, I stopped getting answers. So here's the question with all the details:I have been married to my wife for 7 years. We have been through a LOT together and have kids together and all. The problems started about 3 years into our marriage when I revealed to my wife that I was addicted to pornography. Then later, I met someone and had an affair for months. My wife became pregnant while I was having an affair, but I couldn't find the courage and honor to stop, until I was confronted. We separated, and came back together. She claimed to have forgiven me, but she didn't. She got revenge 5 years into our marriage. Now, during the time I started having an affair, I also starting having problems lasting during sex with my wife. Sex with her was getting harder and harder until I reached a point where I just could not last long enough please her. She has orgasms very easily, however I could not last long enough, not to mention I had insecurities in my mind from her cheating. I knew her cheating was really my fault, so I wanted to forgive her. It took me until year 7 to forgive, and it is still a battle. I know that she also has issues with forgiveness as well. Tracking back, come year 6-7, I found out that my wife was sleeping around with various men. It crushed me. I blamed myself for getting her started, but she said that it was because she couldn't get satisfaction with me. I know that what I did to her was HORRIBLE, but I do know that I love her more than I love my own life. It took me years to realize that, but it's true. I don't think she is in love with me in the same way any more though, and I'm sure that part of that stems from not being able to reach an orgasm with me. I have finally reached a place within myself where I am no longer carrying guilt that makes me self-destruct my life and those around me as I had before when I cheated on her. I have also reached a place where I realized that I can not love her for how she makes me feel, for that was selfish at heart. I love her because I love to love her. I now love her and need no reciprocity, and thank goodness because she does not love me the same. She has decided to stop sleeping around a while ago, but continues to mention to me that it is very hard for her to keep that up because I can't please her and that it is keeping her from loving me again. I love her and want to spend the rest of my life loving her, and I am seeing doctors about fixing my sex issues, but in the meant time, I don't want her to reach a point where she has to scratch that itch by starting to cheat and lie again. I love her enough to want to provide all her needs and please her even if it means that it's not my part that gives her the satisfaction. So, my question is, after all the hurt and pain, am I sane and is it possible to change our relationship now to an open status? Meaning, I want to surprise my wife by having two guys come with us and have sex with her. I want her to reach an orgasm so many times that she will be good for months (long enough for my sex therapy treatments to start taking effect). Who knows, we may try it again and again. I want it to be a three men on one woman thing (one of the men was the first man she cheated on me with.) While I used to watch porn, I was very much into the group sex thing and the thought of watching. And I truly feel I can handle it because I love her and I love her enough to want to do anything possible to make her happy, even if it means this. Is that love? Please someone tell me if I'm fooling myself, or am I really in love with her by wanting this for her? I heard from someone that if the one you love wants to share you, that is not love. Is that true? Am I not truely displaying love because I'm considering sharing her? I know it's what she wants, so why not let her do it if it'll make her happy? I'd love to not have the pressure of having sex be our biggest issue anymore. I have a few details to add now. She does not like using sex toys. I've tried buying sex toys to use on her in place of me for the time being, and she never likes them. She claims that she does like them, but only used along side of the real thing. She feels that toys are just teasing her. I think she is mainly just uncomfortable with the thought of using toys. Two, she does not masturbate. She hates the thought of it, and will not go there. Also, I've used my tongue and fingers and think that I'm very good at it and LOVE doing it for her. However, again, she feels it's just a tease. She like me using tongue, but only for a short time. She feels like it's not to be used to orgasm, but just to get things going. And lastly, my wife is allergic to latex. Which means no condoms. And yes, that means all the other guys she slept with, she didn't use a condom with. We live in Washington DC, where the AIDS rate has reached 3% of the population. That's 1 out of every 33 people here. That thought terrifies me. But, I don't know what else to do. If I don't do this with her, then she'll just do it without me. To sum it all up: -No masturbation-No sex toys-Fingers won't do the trick-Oral sex - does not solve the issue-No condomsAll she wants is the real thing, naturally. And she's dying to have it. The urge for her is so strong right now, it's an hourly struggle for her not to break. If I leave her, and let her go wild, she will most likely catch something, and it's my duty to protect her. I am afraid of that as well, because I love her. Am I crazy? Now, what do I do?
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addicted to porn, affair, aids , cheated on me, condom, crush, orgasm, porn, revenge, sex toy, teasing Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): Wow! That's an amazing confession on your part. Ok.... First of all I wouldn't just surprise her with a couple of guys. I would suggest that you look into a swingers club in your area. Swingers are ( believe it or not ) the least likely group to carry stds. The reason is a: they are in a close circle of sexual partners b: they are almost always couples or single women by single men out doing everything in sight.
A
male
reader, psykomonkee +, writes (5 May 2009):
psykomonkee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow... "We're messed up... And need serious discussion?" Is there no good that can come from this?
I hear you and agree with the latex free condoms. But what about the rest?
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (4 May 2009):
 Your wife is messed up and you are messed up for willingly having group sex! You can get latex free condoms! Buy some and protect her! I don't have anything to say on this problem apart from what I have already said! The two of you need serious disscusion!
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