A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Last year I met a 40 year old man, separated but now divorced. He was in a bad way and I saw him in tears at least twice on our evenings out. I thought it was because he was losing his wife and children and I was there for him whenever I could be. We were becoming very good friends, he made it clear he was attracted to me and invited me to share his bed on several occasions, but no sex. I was willing to wait until he was feeling better about things and made sure he was not alone at Christmas. I went away after Christmas but on my way back home, I crashed my car. I could have been killed but I miraculously escaped. I was in shock, my whole body hurt but I was alive. The first person I thought to call was my friend (the police called him) and he came to get me. All I wanted was to go to his place, have a shower, a drink and some comfort and a hug from my friend. However, he insisted on going to a bar even tho I protested and whilst there he got a 'phone call from his friend's wife. She had rowed with her husband and was very upset. My friend invited her to come home with us, ignoring the fact that I was in a bad way. The two of them talked into the night, smoking, drinking, dancing and I went to bed, in pain physically and mentally. At 3am, I had had enough and I confronted my friend in front of her, saying that I had been more than willing to support him throughout his problems of the previous year, and that I had only ever asked him for one thing, and that was to look after me that evening. The woman left and we started to talk and he told me that he had been seeing a girl until just before Christmas and he had been sleeping with her but it was finished. I felt so betrayed and was now wondering who he had been crying about. He began crying after I expressed my feelings about this whole awful evening and told me I was hard. I am now totally confused as to what kind of person I am. Any normal person would have made sure that I was okay and looked after me, even my neighbours would have done more than he did. It took him two weeks to even email me afterwards to ask how I was. I cannot even contemplate seeing him at the moment but does email from time to time. I feel really stupid! What does anyone think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): Thank you both for your answers. I have a problem tho - I am a guide and I have to see him during the course of my work. I cannot get the things that he said to me out of my mind, especially the one about being hard and that I am a difficult woman but I will try to get my self esteem back in order. Thanks again
A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (7 March 2008):
 Huni you have every right to feel pissed off, he was testing you by taking you to bed seeing if you would make a move having control over you by refusing it, using your kindness and sympathy, and then sleeping with someone else i would be outraged by this behaviour! And after a car crash
ignoring your request what a complete jerk, darling you deserve better you have every right to feel hurt and betrayed, this man used you not for sex but for sympathy! Break all you contact and never look back dont even waste a thought or a tear on him he isnt worth it!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (7 March 2008):
 I think that we all make occasional mistakes when it comes to judging other peoples character. I think that you are human, normal, and just like the rest of us. I am VERY glad that you have seen the light and now realize that this guy is a loser. Don't kick yourself too much. AND we all kind of question our own judgement after someone slips in under our radar and fools us. Instead, dwell on the fact that you were compassionate, you were trusting and giving, and you extended yourself as much as you possibly could for him. Those are all good traits, nothing to feel stupid or ashamed about on YOUR part of this relationship, is there? He is the one who lost out on a good thing.
It's not normal to take a person from a hospital to a bar after a car crash, most people would take a person home right away and then start feeding and taking care of them. Who on earth comforts their friend's wife by drinking and dancing into the night with her? He sounds like a player. I think that you are well rid of this guy, Hun.
Cut yourself some slack and learn from the experience - but try not to let people like this make you cynical and jaded. You actually did the right thing here, and should be proud of your own actions and character. You will probably be watching the next time to see that there is a bit more balance in the give and take department, so you actually have gained something to take away from the experience. You are only a fool if you let him do this to you a second time - Fool me once, Shame on You, Fool me Twice, Shame on Me - Right?
It hurts to be betrayed by someone that you thought was a friend. Maya Angelou wrote - "When a Person Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them the First Time". Now that you know who he is, stop taking calls and e-mails from him. He is not a nice guy, and he has proved that he is incapable of thinking about anyone but himself. You are a lovely person who deserves better.
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