A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Am I right to feel a little scared about a man I had a brief fling with?The thing is - he was lovely to start with, in the beginning, but then we fell out and split up due to his continual flirting with other women on FB. I called him a player and then he started to turn really nasty to me saying he preferred the other woman anyway, that I was a gossip and troublemaker and then he ended up blocking me telling my friends he hates me.I know he has not been like this to my friends - but I do know he has fallen out with a previous ex too - so I'm just wondering if it's a girlfriend thing?The thing is - I did think he used to be ok and that maybe one day he would return to me - but the more I think about him - I feel he is purposely being nasty to me and trying to hurt me and make me feel jealous, which he is succeeding to do.Am I overreacting about his behaviour or do you think he is trying to be emotionally abusive and controlling? And why is he like it to me? I only accused him of one thing. I haven't disrespected him in other ways.His behaviour is starting to frighten me a little.
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emotionally abusive, flirt, jealous, player, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 June 2015):
 Pretty sure I've said this before to you poster. IF one of your acquaintances or friends mention him and wants to gossip about him, CUT them short, tell them I have no interest in this guy and what he is up to.
I don't think he is dangerous, he just don't want anything to do with you, and maybe he is JUST a general asshat. EITHER way - WHY waste time worrying about this fella and ponder his behavior.
I don't think he is trying to be emotionally abusive or controlling. I think he just WANTS you out of his life. And you should FEEL the same way.
It's not hard to tell someone:" you know what? I don't care what "Bob" is doing these days, the man was a dud, can we NOT talk about him ANY MORE?" And then DO NOT ask if they have seen "Bob" lately or whatever - pretend he DOESN'T exist.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 June 2015):
 You seem to be having an internal debate over wheather you were wrong initially in you assessment ofthis man and if you were not wrong why is it that you now feel threatened. I'd tend to go with..."I was wrong and now I can learn from that by saving myself and responding to my sense that something is a little strange with this guy." Better to err on the side of caution than stroke your ego by denial of the possibility you might have made an error in initial judgement. Your best self-defense mechanisms are in your instincts. trust them!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 June 2015):
 You can't continue to try to deal with the future"nice guy" you hope he will become. You have to deal with the reality of who he is right at this moment.
He's not your friend, he's not your boyfriend, he's not even a future boyfriend at this point in time.
Blank him, don't discuss him with friends, if they bring him up, cut them off and move on.
MOVE ON. There is no future or value in continuing to think about him or try to deal with him in any way.
MOVE ON.
If you feel threatened by him, go here for further advice: http://www.womensaid.org.uk or contact police if his behaviour is violent toward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2015): Thanks guys - I am the original poster & am no longer talking with the guy - but have just been told certain things about his erratic behaviour about me. I just wonder why the hostility is still there after all this time...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 June 2015):
 Perhaps he is being "nasty" to you in the hopes that you will "take the hint" and leave him alone?
it was a fling...it's over it's done... why are you letting him take up space in your head.
what's your true hope for this?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 June 2015):
 You've posted several times about this issue over the past few months. You met a guy online, dated a bit but suspected he was a player and you weren't ready for sex so you wisely declined him, only to regret it later when your friend decided to take up with him. She was either naive about his true motives/reputation or infatuated enough to overlook them. You gave him some kind of 'friendly' warning which he took badly, accused you of tarnishing his reputation and foiling his chances with other women and you can't understand why when you were 'only trying to help'. That is you, yes?
To be honest, the more questions you post about this man the more credible his accusations become.
You met this man online and only dated briefly, so how is it all your friends know him and keep in touch with him?
Why are you still in the picture for this man to be nasty to you?
I don't believe any mutual acquaintances you may have are running to you to tell things. I think you've been digging and questioning them to see if he still thinks and talks about you.
I get that a crush might take some time to get over, but for me, that process always began the very moment I learned my feelings weren't (or weren't likely) to be reciprocated.
This is getting fishier and fishier.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 June 2015):
Ignore him? Stop talking to him.
There is NO reason to "try" and pretend you can be friends, the guy didn't like being called out on his behavior so he tuned nasty, and nasty people.... you don't HAVE to keep around.
And stop WONDERING hwy he acts this way, you are (as one of our lovely aunties call it) letting him live RENT free in your head when you REALLY just should let him go, and IGNORE the dude, because WHO CARES why he acts this way. DON'T play his games.
Focus on YOUR life, YOUR friends and forget about him. He was a mistake, those things happen. Next time date a better guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2015): Why are you still talking to him?
It didn't work out so let it go. He is a negative influence in your life, why keep deadweight like him holding you back in life?
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