A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i feel ugly. my self-esteem's really low right now. i fancy this guy in my college who keeps adding really attractive girls in facebook. we've been on the edge of becoming an item for a long but eventually he suggests us to be best friends. is it because i'm ugly? i feel really ugly. =( ... i looked pretty when i was younger. it's as if i m a living testament of the inverse of an ugly duckling. =( i m living the tale backwards.
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male
reader, kyle_sa  +, writes (13 February 2010):
 GOD!! Have some confidence please!! its so frustrating that always pretty girls think they are ugly.. " Girls are likeapples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, theyjust get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree." I'm sure you are an amazing apple :) just wait for your brave boy!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): you are not the only one feeling like that. in addition of feeling ridiculously ugly and hideous, i tend to think that i'm a nuisance to others. like getting on their nerves so that's why i mostly choose to be alone. i mean like that i don't get into anyones way and besides most ppl are better off without me. so, i totally understand how you feel. ok, this is not an advice but i just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one out there living the reverse tale of 'the ugly duckling.'
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): I'm sure you are not an ugly duckling! I am sorry you are feeling so down about yourself though. I think everyone feels like this sometimes. I go through phases where I think I am completely hideous, and other times I think I am acceptable...it depends on my mood, and what is going on in my life.
I wonder if you are feeling worse about yourself right now because of this guy? It must be really disappointing that he only wants to be friends, and I can imagine you are probably feeling a bit crushed right now. So you are looking at yourself and wondering what is wrong with you.
I went through something similar. I was getting to know a guy on the internet, and it was going okay. He then saw some photos of what I look like, and he disappeared! Just completely stopped talking to me! Well, I was absolutely gutted! Did I cry? Oh yes! I looked at myself and thought, is it my hair? My eyes? Am I hideous? That must be it. I am hideous!
That feeling lasted for a while, but eventually I moved on. I still feel down like that from time to time, but that situation definitely knocked my confidence. So maybe your current situation with this guy is making you feel particularly bad. If it is making you feel really down, then maybe having a bit of a break from him might help. Maybe you could just hang out with other friends for a while, and get some distance from him. And try not to focus on these girls he adds on Facebook. I know it's hard, but it will make you feel worse.
There is nothing wrong with you, I am sure. So try and stay positive, and do things which make you feel good about yourself. Maybe this guy isn't interested in you, but there will be other guys who will be. It is not a reflection of you. There are people out there who would jump at a chance to get closer to you. So don't give yourself such a hard time, okay? Take care. xxx
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (13 February 2010):
 I think everyone goes through phases where they feel like you do - particularly when you are having a stressful time! I know I used to beat myself up about my looks at your age...as you get older you should come to learn that it is not all about being physically stunning. To some extent, you have just got to accept that you look the way you are because - apart from drastic cosmetic procedures - there is little you can change about your facial features etc. Of course you can work on how you present yourself - certain clothes, hairstyles etc work better on certain people. Even the most beautiful woman in the world has a bad hair day! By all means take an interest in your personal appearance, but concentrate on developing the personality and resilience to overcome rejection. Any man who rejects you on the basis of looks alone (I had plenty of experience of that at your age!) is really not long-term relationship potential. If they don't find you physically attractive at the start of dating, it will turn sour sooner or later. However, that doesn't mean that you won't find men who don't find you attractive...there are probably dozens of them outside your front door right now...you are just focusing on the one man who rejected you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): Don't worry about it, every guy likes different things and you will be very attractive to someone even if it's not the guy you mentioned. Any guy worth dating will see past your appearance and love you for who you are. Besides a girl who does'nt realise how beautiful she is, is far more attractive than some stuck up chick who knows she is attractive. All the best. =)
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