A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I have lived together for 4 years and I asked her to marry me about 3 years ago. Lately our relationship fell apart where we don't talk about things. My fiance is 6 years older than I am and I love her very very much. We had some serious talk about our relationship and a few things of property that we have together. My fiance told me about what was really bothering her. Now she wants to marry not long from now. When I met her, she was seperated from the previous marriage to be finallized for the divorce, during that time I asked her to marry me because I really loved her very much and cared about her. Now when my fiance asked me why now I'm not ready to marry when very often I've told her that I would marry her next day. Now everything is changed. Lots of things in my mind are confused. I told my fiance that I'm not ready to marry not yet. She took this very hard. Also my brother wants to move out of my parent's house and get a place together with me. Me and my fiance own a property together and trying to build our house but I really don't know what to do. She wants to build a home on the land and let my brother stay but....I would like to hear some advice. I love my brother and my family very much and my fiance asked me what is my priority in my life now. Also told me we are trying to achive something and accomplish a lot of things together for our life and asked me what I really want. She told me if we are not in this together I needed to let her know. Is getting married really important? I heard people tell me that once married everything will be changed. My fiance wants to be happy together and so do I. I really don't know now.. please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): It's good that you are talking about things, a good sign for a successful relationship. But you really do need to have a good long think because once you are married that's a big commitment and you need to be wholehearted and sure it's what you want.
If necessary, spend a bit of time apart to clear your mind.
A
female
reader, vamp-gal  +, writes (18 November 2008):
 Hey,Okay, you love your family, and your brother, but if your brother wants to move out of his parents house, then why not get a place of his own? He probably wants to spend time with you, but your fiance wants to be with you.You probably have 'cold feet' I think is the expression, yeah, everything probably does change when you're married, but everything works out, you're in a loving relationship with the person you love and want to be with.It may be a bit nerve-racking at first, but as soon as you see her down the aisle, and you'll know you made the right desision. Hope everything works out for you!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): I'm from a close family, we all know that when your married, your partners comes first and we all know and respect that. Can't you just tell your brother this? I think at your age group, you're ready to be married now but is she the right person for you? are you just looking you reasons to stop the wedding?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): When you get married - or even when you live together in a seriously committed long-term relationship, your wife or your partner become first priority. You'll always love your family but not in the same way.
I tend to side with your fiance, you need to sort out your priorities. I can tell you from bitter experience that living with relatives - or anywhere very near to them - is not good.
Your brother has his own life to live and needs to stand on his own two feet or you'll be saddled with him either for the rest of your marriage / relationship of maybe even for life. If your brother comes first in your life then your fiance needs to be told so that she can find someone else who is 100% committed to her if she so wishes.
Your fiance will obviously not be happy if your brother moves in and that's only to be expected.
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