A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 30 years old, I feel that no matter how I struggle, how much I try to pull myself out of my hole. I am making no head way.I am single I have no children and a non job so to speak.I have debts coming out of my ears and feel that I havent had the chance to live.I would so much love to meet a nice man, one that I feel is on the right level for me, but every time I meet someone, I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me right away that hes not the one for me.Am I just being picky or intuitive?Am I saying no to men that I havent given a chance or following my instincts knowing that my Mr right is round the corner.I guess I mean do I settle for second best or wait for that man that could be out there?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): By the way, from your feedback to my advice, you seem like a person who doesn't want to hear the truth perhaps, why did you write here for advice....how helpful is it to you to hear someone tell you to hold out for mr. right, to not settle? You know that all ready don't you? You want permission to keep going on as you are today don't you, that everything will be all righ if you just keep getting up every day and doing the same thing as yesterday.
Buy you write that you haven't lived, you are in a hole and you don't have what you want and can not afford to eat sometimes.
Now if you were me, would you not think that you could stand to change your behavior? Would you not want to tell someone feeling like that what steps are needed to get out of the hole? Life has a momentum to it. If you are in a rut then you will stay there indefinately because that is the path you have chosen, life isn't treating you all that unfairly, you are getting up and doing the same things the same job every day and somehow you think being told that if you just wait long enough mr right will fall in your lap and you will finally be happy.
Good luck with that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): Where do you live? I don't know about other countries, but many corporations will pay for your tuition, which is part of their employee benefit plan....many people in your situation never take advantage of this saying that they can't afford it or just simply not motivated.
I don't mean to insult you, but I don't believe that you have looked into this as I know for a fact there are many ways to go to school if you just want to do the work and it is worth it to do that if you want to make enough money to eat....I commend you for cutting up all of your credit cards and taking on a roommate as you are on the right track....but you write like an intelligent woman and I think you can do better for yourself with a little homework you can ahieve a few more goals for yourself.
I have been single all of my life so I feel qualified to give you advice on this subject...I went to college and paid for my tuition and worked a few jobs during school to do it...and I have done very well for myself, my parents weren't rich and did not help me out much. There is a lot of financial aid out there, you just have to know where to look and you can start with your local schools and ask them for information....information is power, use it.
Of course you deserve someone with teeth at the very minimum, but I think you lack confidence in yourself and that you can attract the kind of guy you think you deserve and I know where you are coming from with that, a lot of it has to do with not being satisfied with where you are right now, and all I am telling you is you can change your life, but you have to do the work.
Sometimes all it is is a matter of valueing yourelf, if you think you should only earn nine bucks an hour, then that is all you are qualified for. If you start taking inventory of your skills, background and what you have to offer you will demand more....once you demand more surprising things happen, employers will pay it..so don't sell yourself short.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, I am probably happiest with your advice cos its what I wanted to hear lol
but its good to know that there are people that have gone before and have now achieved happiness.
thank you for giving me renewed hope :)
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A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 Please don't settle! Wait for Mr. Right, they sneak up on you when you least expect it. It took me until I was 36 to find mine. I kissed a lot of toads, dove in to crappy relationships, slept with a bunch of pigs, and was just about ready to give up on ever finding the right guy... then I found him! (Don't get me wrong! I love men!! lol!) And it was all because I decided I wasn't going to settle for just an okay guy anymore. Yeah, it was difficult waiting, and sifting through the crap to find the one for me, but it was completely worth it. He's out there... keep looking, keep listening to your instinct, and when you find him you will know. Okay??
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with you in so far as playing a bit part in my own life, I have cut up all my credit cards and slowly but surely I am getting out of debt, the only reason I had debt was because I was trying to survive in general, I havent ever lived above my means.
I am not looking for a rescue but for a man that is worthy of having me, I know I am a special person but I have body issues.
I know that I am worth someone with more than 4 teeth 3 hairs and fewer braincells.
as for college there is nothing I can do as there are only free courses given out to people that are in benifits, and I cant afford to enroll at this moment in time.
I believe in a two parent family thats how I was brought up and thats what I wasnt for my kids (if I ever have any) I feel that time is running out.
I have a house mate, I have cut the bills, I am not spending more than I can afford in so far as luxuries go.
But it would be noce to eat some times lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): I think you are saying no to men because you are saying no to yourself...you describe yourself as someone who has not had a chance to live, with debts out of her ears, no children and 30 and in a whole.
Your attitude about yourself speaks volumes, you are not acting as the leading lady in your own life, but the bit player or the person who sweeps the trash of the theater floor,.
If you have debts coming out your ears then you are either living above your means or wasting money foolishly, or have taken on loans that you can't repay.
If you are 30 and have no children and are unmarried then you are doing someting right as you don't want to be a single parent, trust me.
If you are 30 and looking for a certain type of man to rescue you then you will be sorry, because if you marry only foro money you will be paying for every cent for a lifetime of miserty.
Get yourself some financial planning help, sit down with a not for profit credit counseler or visit sites like quicken.com and use the debt repayment calculator to figure out how much you need to be paying monthly to get out of debt. Cut up your credit cards and vow not to use them until you repay them down to zero, and then only use them if you are able to pay them off each and every month.
Set up a monthly budget, move into a house or apartment that you can afford, get a roommate if you have to do so, or get another part time job, you may even meet some interesting people....go back to school to learn a trade like medical assisting, or computer tech or real estate, or anything you think you would be interested in that can put you on a path to a career instead of a non-job what ever that means.
In the process you will start to feel better about yourself and better about money and learn to use it as a tool rather than something you never have enough of, and when you start saying yes to yourself you will start saying yes to a nice guy and will attact someone who is on the level that you want to be at yourself.
You can do it, just make a plan, or you will be 60 and in the same boat.
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