A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hey guys-just need to know if im being unreasonable herei was very good friends with a guy and have worked with him for over a year but feel hes used me for personal gain. hes got through his work assessments through my help. hes had money from me and 'forgotten' to return it. he hardly pays when we have breaks. am i a sap or what. ive been nothing but nice to this guy yet he acts like its all normal. lately ive had a few big rows with him because hes criticised the way i work -yet it suited him when he was training. why is he doing this. its really annoying because he swans around like hes a big i am now and im sick of it. i feel completely used. i couldnt have done more. i feel crap because i really put myself out and now yesterday we had another row-him criticising me again ! and i went my own way. ive not spoken to him since and to be honest im feeling like i couldnt give a damn if i never do agagin. what should i do now and why has he done this to me :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): I think it sounds like you expected more from him than he was willing to give, have you had a thing for him?
If not,why do you feel that he owes you something?
You have given whatever you have given to him of your own free will. Has he ever given you reason to believe that you are more than work mates?
If he has then you have to come to terms that he has reeled you in for his own gains, accept it and move on. Learn a lesson from it and never give anything except a good working relationship to any colleagues however nice they are to you. They should all be treated the same.
Why have you given him money? Good work friends should be there to help their colleagues through training and help them to learn the job without expecting anything back except friendship!
You should never be giving money to them, even if you do have a thing for them or see them as special, they will pick up on it and some guys will take advantage of it. It sounds like this is probably what happened and you kept giving, he kept taking, NOT A NICE GUY!But you are to blame as much as he is for letting him take you for a ride.
Be polite, answer questions when needed, carry on with him as you would with any other colleague.
If he asks why you have changed towards him you need to tell him and make it clear that you feel you have been taken advantage of and that a good friendship (of any kind) has to come from both sides! Yours hasn't!
Do not give anything else to this guy, he will only keep coming back for more, and you already feel used, it will only get worse if you do!!
You are placing all the blame on him and yet you say he never pays at breaks. This is how it goes, you pay once, the next time you say hey its your turn tonite, he will get the message in the end!
The short answer, he has done it to you because you allowed him to!
I had a friend who always stood back at the bar on a nite out and let everyone else buy the drinks, in the end I actually pushed him forward and said "Your turn, you are the only one in the group who has a nite out for a tenner, the rest of us are spending fifty quid each time!" yes he was embarrassed but he never did it again!
I also had another friend who smoked, but never brought cigarettes out with him, he said he only smoked socially, that was until I said "so do i and that is why I only bring enough for me, the cigarette machine is over there!" He brings his own now!
Don't be a pushover, tell him no!!
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