A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why does my boyfriend do this? am i overeating?my boyfriend and i made plans to spend the day out together.. i rang him in the afternoon he told he was at at the bank and that he would be going to see his uncle who'd had a stroke and live 2hours away.i asked him to see his uncle tomorrow instead as we only See each other on wednesdays. he got nasty and told me am spoilt and that his family comes first:(whenever we'd go out, i always end up paying for half or for both of us. my bf never have money..we are both students but he works part time and i dont.i always have to ask him if he got money to pay for both of us.. and he would run around asking his family for money to take me out and i hate talking to him about money.every time i wanna break up..he gets really upset.. and says he loves me soo much and that hes trying.. he works but cant even afford to take me to the movies:(what should i do??am 20 and hes 21thanks..x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): Hi
Just let him go and maybe send a flower to his uncle...your boyfriend is right on this you are wrong, sorry. :(
hope all goes well.
spunky monkey
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Yes, you are overreacting. At least about the uncle.
What do you think, that the uncle was indelicate in having a stroke on Wednesday , at risk of spoiling your weekly date with your boyfriend... perhaps he should have consulted you before , to know if it was ok to get a stroke on a Wednesday ??
And no, when someone is sick in the hospital with something serious, and potentially lethal, is not the same going the day after ;it does not show the same care and concern that your bf surely feels and surely wants to show his uncle, not to look good in his eyes but just to support and comfort him.
So, you had to skip a Wednesday. Big deal. You'll catch up
in future,when you are out of school.
About the money,yes, this is cause for concern. I think the problem is not that he can't pay for your dates, it's that he is very bad at managing his money, which in the long run could spell big trouble.
Right now, since you are two young ,financially unsettled students, it's no big deal if you go Dutch every time ( don't pay for him though ! At least, not so often ). Yes, I like it better too when the man pays .), that's the way I got used to and it feels more "proper " to me. But hey, times are a-changing, and like I said you are young students, no need for too much etiquette, just pay each one his way . Or stay home and talk and cuddle- you'll save money :)
But, in case you are thinking of a future together, yes, his spending habits and money management need to be addressed and straightened. Tell him that you are concerned, and that you can help him to keep track of his money, and you can work out together a budget to stick to, and come up together with ways to save money. Make it fun, as if it were a game. If he owns that there IS a problem, and he loves you as he says, he will understand that some things need to change.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Where is all this money going from his job? And if you're both students and need to pay for school then you should settle for just hanging at the park. I'm sorry but I agree that it was selfish of you to ask him to wait to see his uncle who just had a stoke. Strokes are serious and you should understand that asking for someone to wait to see someone who could die due to the strokes is not cool.
He says he loves you but do you love him? If so then give him more time. Money is a hard thing to get sometimes. All in all, try doing less cost spending activities.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Maybe your over reacting just a little. Family is very important and if his uncle had a stroke then yes he will put family before you. Simple because everyone has unconditional love for their family's. If you was in his situation wouldn't you want to make sure your uncle is ok and see him another time? why do you only get to see eachother just on a wednesday? Can't you both sit down together and work out days you can see eachother? If he works part time where is his money going? You shouldn't be paying all of the time. Sit and have a talk with him. If he loves you like he says he does im sure you will both will come up with a reasonable solution. Hope this helps
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