A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I began attending a beginners class in language with my girlfriend as she thought it would be fun if I joined.In the class there is a guy who talks to her a lot even while the teacher is giving her lecture. Now at first this did not bother me because their conversations were simply friendly. However a few things have happened which has given me cause for concern. My girlfriend and this guy are both above average in the language and I am a beginner. During the teachers lesson the guy turned around (as he sits in front of my girlfriend and I) and they got into a playful debate about who is right regarding what the next lesson will be. The teacher began giving instructions and the fact that I missed the first class made it difficult to catch up. So I turned to my girlfriend to ask her what the teacher meant but while I was in mid-question, the guy turns around, smiles and says; "you were right, you got me". And she responds all the while ignoring my question by saying and smiling; "I'll get you next time too". After that I remained quiet for a few minutes (not seconds) until she asked if I said something. I said; "never mind".I admit I started to get jealous and I waited until after class to tell her that what she did was rude. She claimed she didn't hear me say anything which for obvious reasons doesn't make sense.The guy doesn't seem to know that she is my girlfriend. So next class I began "marking my territory" by holding her hand or touching her lap or joining into their conversation. I did not want to do anything too conspicuous such as making out with her in front of him or blatantly saying that she is my girlfriend. My subtle signs didn't seemed to help though. He later invited her to join another class with him and he also invited her to go to some sort of language group session which will take place at a bar after class. My girlfriend was decent enough to not go to the bar with him as we planned to study together after class but she did attend the class with him.Do I have the right to be a little worried or am I completely overreacting? She thinks that he is just being friendly but I know what guys want when they are THIS into a girls company.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell he could easily get good grades in the beginners language class since he's not a beginner. Also he barely needs to study which leaves room to focus on his other classes.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (3 June 2015):
 Easy credits for what? A degree? What kind of class is this?
This all sounds a bit odd, but good luck to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to sincerely thank everybody who has contributed to helping with my issue. Your words have both touched me and given me insight on what my girlfriend is thinking.
I cannot thank you all enough.
If anybody else has anything more they would like to add I more than welcome it.
I am going to be more direct about advertising our relationship and I will strongly suggest that she do the same (if she wants to that is). If not then it is clear what needs to be done.
Thank you again agony aunts
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2015): Men tend to hide or camouflage their flirtations behind playfulness or innocent banter. Trust me, he knows your lady is taken; but he's working in a roundabout way to see if she's truly interested. Women pretend they don't realize it; but they do. They like it!
Jealousy is out of your insecurity. You don't need to "mark your territory." Let your girlfriend know he's getting too cozy, and you're not comfortable with it. That's enough.
Leave the responsibility up to her to set boundaries first. It's only natural she would bask in his attention.
She feels flattered; but she is neglecting to make it clear she is taken. That's what makes it suspect.
Just don't get all stupid and hot-headed over nothing; just because they talk and seem friendly.
She's a grown-woman and you can't tell her what to do. If it's totally innocent, she will make it her business to let the guy know she isn't interested in anything but language class, and she's already taken. If she doesn't, dump her.
Calm-down and observe your girlfriend. You need clear evidence, based on how receptive she is to his flirting. Don't jump to wild conclusions. It's probably only a little intellectual-competitiveness on her part. He's flirting!
You're a man. You do have a right to let him know you deserve his respect (and hers); even if you have to say so. Ignoring you is uncalled for. That's blatant disrespect. "Excuse me, I just spoke and you ignored me." Not another word, hold your peace with a cold stare. Wait for an apology. Don't act like a neanderthal, and drag her out by the hair. Please show your intelligence.
You only need to calmly express your feelings about the whole thing. If she doesn't seem to get it, don't roast in your jealousy. A woman who allows a guy to come-on to her in-front of her man, is trying to instigate a fight over her. Be that the case, turn your back and walk. Leave her right there, and don't look back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is enrolled in the class to get easy credits. He hides the fact that he is not a beginner but not as well as he thinks. My girlfriend is not enrolled in the class but attends because although she is advanced she never took the class and she believes the could learn a thing or two.
Back to the issue though; So I am not over-reacting? I was thinking of not blatantly displaying the fact that she is my girlfriend though perhaps you are right and I should be more conspicuous.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 June 2015):
Why are they in a beginner's class if they are not beginners in the language? *confused* Ok, I'll try to help you convey your concerns to her in a way that can be constructive or instructive...
"Hey, babe, I have something I need to talk to you about; we've talked about it before but I want to be clear about it.
"Sven, in our Swedish class, seems not to know or understand or respect that I am your boyfriend. I know I missed the first class and that you two seem to have built up some kind of rapport.
"The thing is that you are being rude to me by ignoring me in class while at the same time you are engaging in chitchat/flirting with Sven."
You're in your 20s and you know that blatantly making out in front of people in class is well, AWKWARD. And inappropriate. Honestly, so is holding her hand or touching her lap.
"SVEN, dude, so glad to meet you! I know you and my amazing girlfriend Freda are already competing in class." *Big smile* *wrap arm around Freda*
She did invite you to the class, so that's a good sign, but you do seem to be struggling a bit with just making it obvious that you two are dating.
"Freda, you are spending way too much time flirting with Sven in class and I'm just not comfortable with it. Have you made it clear to him that you and I are dating and that you are not available? If not, why not?"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): I dont think you should be worried
It does seem purely friendly. However, i do agree she was rude. Id have a talk with her about treating you with more respect.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): No, I think you have every right to feel jealous and insecure about this. Don't doubt yourself or a second.Reading your post reminded me of the way I used to act around guys when I was 18-20 years old. I think, assuming your girlfriend is in the 22-25 age range like you, she's acting very immature.I think it's great that you've written in here because having acted this way in the past, I can give you insight into why your girlfriend's acting this way.Your girlfriend is enjoying the attention of the other guy. It's giving her an ego boost, possibly also enjoying that it's getting your attention as well. Women are very perceptive. I'm confident that she'll know how you're feeling, nevertheless she's consumed with enjoying the attention of 2 men.I'm sure she cares about you and she probably doesn't even feel much for the other guy, just loves the flirting because it makes her feel attractive. She's just loving feeling so wanted and she's not being understanding as to how you're feeling. She's putting HER needs first.I've been in your girlfriend's position and I can tell you that she's not ready for a committed relationship yet. That doesn't mean that you won't end up in one eventually, but she's obviously going through a stage where she's enjoying the attention from different men and won't want to be tied down. You sound like you're a lovely person who cares very much about his girlfriend. I think you two, right now, are in different places, wanting different things. My advice would be to cool off from her. Ask her if she'd prefer to break it off and stay friends. If she sees you moving on, talking with other women, this could shake her up and make her realise that your attention is all she needs. Whether it works out or not, you'll be less stressed, focussing on other things and the attention's off her.She won't always be this way. I have been in a committed relationship now for 10 years, with the same guy that was in this situation with me. I just needed to emotionally mature, realise that flirting with guys may make me feel confident but it was hurting the only person I TRULY cared about. I realised who I really wanted to be with and love happened from there!I hope I've helped. Please update us :)
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