A
female
age
51-59,
*ade36
writes:I am a 36 year old mother of three, that has been divorced for almost 2 years. I have been in a relationship with a 28 year old for the past 10 months. I was married for 12 years so it has been very challeging to going back into the dating scene. My boyfriend has never really had a healthy relationship and to be honest neither have I. We have had many many ups and downs, lots of drama and not to mention we are so different. Yet we love each other very much and are committed to each other. However some of the things I am dealing with are so hard for me. I just have never had these situations before. This last thing was very difficult and I have such a hard time expressing myself and always feel a sense of not having a right to have these feelings. My boyfriend's very close friend is a girl. In the beginning of our relationship he used her to hurt me (texting her I love you, I want you ect...) they have kissed before and been very close. I am very uncomforatable because I am just used to it being a given that when you're in a relationship you don't let the opposite sex go beyond boundaries. Well this girl asked him to go with her to get a sleeve tatoo and he said yes. I was very upset because I just don't think it's right that he does things with girls let alone one that he knows (and she also knows how I feel) I feel uncomfortable with. It hurt my feelings very much. Am I over reacting and have I a right to set those boundaries?
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female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (20 April 2009):
 I think when you come out of a long relationship its hard to find a balance and foothold on and in a new one when you're so usd to things being a certain way before and without getting yourself hurt.
I dont think that is is wrong for him to have friends that are girls, although i do think that if you feel that strongly about the situation that he should at least respect that a little and compromised to accomodate your neeeds and feelings.
I dont think its healthy to keep a partner on a leash, here has to be freedom to be your own person as well as the partnership that brings you together - i have a best friend who is male and i would hate not to have him as a friend, but i do respect my husbands feelings when it comes to guys and i keep a decent boundary of my own through my own choice - he has never asked me to.
I think sometimes when we put the boundarid on a person it makes them want to struggle against it.
Have you spoken to him about the girl, properly sat him down and explained how you feel?? Sometimes all you need is a litle reassurance. If you cannot trust him with her and you can't bare to se them together and yet he wont change his ways for you, then there is little point in the relationship im afraid.
Have some faith in him and give him some trust and at the same time gently tell him how you feel.
I hope things work out for you xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): No you're not overreacting, and his tattoo date is inappropriate because there is an element of attraction.
How would he respond to you doing and sharing the same exact things with another guy?
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