A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months now: we say we love eachother and I certainly want him, but he is not really into much physically. He is more wary than me about any public shows of affection (though with all respect to straight readers very few gay couples are as openly affectionate as straights in public). But, he likes to go to theatre etc - we don't have many 'evenings in' - and he gets tired early (even though he is the younger guy). My question is - am I over emphasising the sex thing? Should I learn to reduce my desires for him that way and accept him as a loving boyfriend, but that that iwll not include much physically? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 This is kind of a tough one, no matter what your sexual orientation is. To me, I always think that this boils down to personal happiness in a relationship vs. personal desires in a relationship... and the balance between them. I suppose that in your case, you're wrestling with the issue of "reducing" your level of desire for physical contact over the comforting blanket of love. Personally, having come from a relationship where the levels of desire were unequal, I had to make a similar decision... but, in my case a divorce solved that problem... anyway, I think that you shouldn't need to compromise on your desires. I think that it is a choice I've made for myself for any future relationships. I think that if you haven't had a discussion with him about it, then perhaps you should. After all, he could be holding back on his passions for one reason or another and awaiting some overt signal that it is OK to release them... you don't really know until you open the door and have an honest discussion, right? Lay all the cards on the table and see where you both stand.
Best wishes!
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