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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My situation is this:I have known this woman for quite a while although it was more like we knew of each other rather than actually knowing each other. Anyway, we formally met about six months ago while out with a bunch of mutual friends and we ended up having sex that night. I was immediately attracted to her in many ways, from sexually to spiritually. However, because of the circumstances, I tried not to pursue anything (how many relationships start with sex and ever end up being anything good, right?).Over the next several weeks we texted a bit, and it was clear we were attracted to each other and even said so. Then she backed off texting for a couple of days and then sent me a text that said she couldn't keep texting me becuase she had gotten wrapped up with someone under similar circumstances before and ended up with a broken heart that hadn't really healed. I responded that I understood and we backed off texting at all for several weeks.Our texting slowly picked back up and at some point she asked if she could come visit me (we live in separate states). I agreed, but believed it probably wouldn't play out so I didn't get too excited. However, she did come see me and we had a stronger connection. After that we continued to text daily but didn't see each other again for six weeks. When we did see each other again, it was very strong and we've seen each other approximately every two weeks since then. Of course, we've only seen each other a total of about five times since that first night, but we text daily and have gotten very close.I recently went to see her and we were both very excited leading up to the trip. We talked and texted about it for 7-10 days nonstop because we were both excited. She told me she has very strong feelings and even told me twice that she was in love with me. I feel the same way and have told her that, although we haven't talked too much about "love" because we both feel like that gets misused a lot.Anyway, I spent the weekend with her (long weekend, Friday - Monday) and we had a good time. Nothing spectacular, but a lot of laughing and just "playing it by ear" with what we did. Our lovemaking was, as always, very satisfying and there's no doubt we have extreme sexual chemistry.After the weekend was over, I received a text from her that said it meant very much to her that I came to see her and spend the weekend with her. She said she misses me, etc., like always.But the strange thing is that it seems like things have changed subtly. She still says she misses me, responds to my texts, and so forth, but it almost seems like her texts are less flirty or that she's less excited to be talking to me. We talked briefly on the phone and that even sounded awkward, although I can't really explain why. We always text multiple times during the work day, just flirty stuff, but the last couple days have just been one or two texts. Last night I called her and she didn't answer the phone. She texted me about four hours later (after I was asleep) and apologized, saying she had fallen asleep and just awoke to the missed call and that she was tired from our long weekend together.Keep in mind I can definitely sense she's talking to me less, both in text and in person. However, the things she says seem like she's into me, but not AS into me as before (I could be just imagining this part). We are both very busy professionals and I know that our work productivity has suffered some because of our constant texting, so it's possible she's just trying to get caught up with work and texting less because she has to focus on work, although she hasn't told me that (seems like she would tell me if that was the reason).Am I over-analyzing things? Is it ridiculous for me to be concerned that she could be telling me she loves me last week, have a great time together over the weekend, and then losing interest in me by this week? I guess that could happen, but after six months of slowly building a relationship and the emotions becoming stronger and stronger, can they change that quickly?Does it sound like I need to just calm down or does it sound like she's losing interest? Either way, should I just back off and text less and keep things light or should I just come out and ask her if her feelings have changed? I don't want to "play" her by slow-responding to her texts, but I also don't want to appear desperate (even though I'm kinda feeling that way right now) by immediately responding, so what should I do if she sends a text after several hours of no texts?
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female
reader, Zonee  +, writes (28 December 2010):
 Your story sounds like mine (minus the kids). I really liked this one guy he lived in a different State. We saw each other a couple of times, text, & calls. Had wonderful talks with him. Then it seemed we went down the "friend" path. he stopped saying the sweet words he use to, it was more like visiting with a friend. I decided that I would not initiate the conversations. That lasted almost 3 months, then I decided this is a Wonderful Man, the Best Man I ever met . . if he did not want me as a girlfriend I want to be a friend. We started talking as friends. Month ago he told me he as a girlfriend, my heart broke for myself. Was happy for him if he was happy. He told me that he got really lonely (the months we stopped talking) his friend talked him into online dating. I told him I still wanted to be friends. however, during our talk I found out that he really had feelings for me, he thought the distance was to much. Turns out he liked me just as much as I liked him. I wish I never stopped calling, I wish I said everything I felt. that is why I wrote you that phase on Dec 16. If you think you need to back away do it when you know you did all you could have done. I wish I told him exactly how I felt.
good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): You are way over analyzing and you are putting more weight into things than this calls for. If you have been involved for 6 months but only get face time every couple of weeks you are no where near as comittied as a relationship of six months that sees each other several times a week.
Even if you are head over heels about the girl, keep it to yourself. Don't let her know.
Falling this hard this soon can be a big red flag when dealing with a woman who had a full life before you started seeing her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone, thanks for the answers. I took the general advice here and sort of tried to just relax and we've had a few conversations about things. I have told her I love her and made that clear. She told me the same thing in return. There are times when I feel like things are great and I'm just overreacting/overanalyzing, etc.
However, I still feel like I sense some things that are inconsistent with what she tells me. For example, she doesn't send the random, flirty texts much anymore and if I say something flirty, where she used to respond in kind, her responses are more generic. However, she sends things sometimes that sound like she's really into me, and when we talk on the phone she sounds happy to talk to me, says she misses me, etc.
Last night I sent her a text that I know we'll both busy over the next couple days because of Christmas with our families (we both have children from others) and neither of us is the type to sit around and text when other friends and families are around (it's rude). Anyway, I told her that if we didn't get to talk or text much, I wanted her to know that I do love her, have meant everything I said, miss her very much and can't wait to see her again because texting and phone calls just don't compare to being able to look directly into her eyes. Her response was a two sentence response that said, "I agree! In person is definitley better." There haven't been any texts since. I interpret this as her sending a "token" response but avoiding an actual response in which she would confirm she loves and misses me too. Am I wrong?
One final bit of information: I will be in her city and state soon on business (rare that that happens, but it's just coincidental that business is taking me there) and I metioned seeing her. She said she has her daughter that night (she splits custody of her daughter every other week), which I understand because I never want to suggest putting me before her daughter. Then she sends me a randmon text a few nights ago that she might have a sitter for that night. When I talked to her yesterday, she said she was going to ask her ex to trade nights so that maybe she could see me, but not to hold my breath. Here's my concern with this part of it: We don't get to see each other except about every other week (because of her daughter) and then when there's something like this weekend (Christmas) it means we won't see each other for about a month. So when I'm coincidetally in her city, seems like she would want to go out of her way to be available (although I won't ask her to). I would do that for her. If she was going to be he here and I had my son that night, I would make some arrangements so that I could see her on the one night I can, especially when it's so long between us seeing each other.
Anyway,I guess I'm convincing myself she's either losing interest, or I'm being played. I've decided not to initiate any texts for a while and keep my responses vague. Next time we see each other I'll have a talk but for now I'm pulling back because I see a heartbreak coming and I'm trying to prepare for it.
Your thoughts were much appreciated last time. I would be interested in hearing your thoughts now. Thanks, everyone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): ~RELATIONSHIP IS BUT ONE OF MANY ASPECTS OF LIFE~Based on what you have shared, I believe you are over analyzing the issue due to your personal insecurity, perhaps stemming from a past experience...and...consequentially you are allowing this insecurity instilled within you as a result of a completely different individual to directly but incorrected displaced upon your girlfriend...Not only is this grossly unfair to your girlfriend, as she will be made to do the time for a crime she did not commit, but the meritless stress, turmoil and frustration that will ensue behind it will only serve to gradually and illogically dissolve the fundamentals of what sustains relationship ((ie. love, honesty, trust, loyalty and respect)).I do not think your girlfriend has distanced herself from her commitment to you and the relationship. I think she is recognizing that while she would like nothing more than to communicate with you around the clock, that realistically y this is not in the best interest for either of you as both of you must responsibly attend to the other aspects of your lives which mandate time and focus.Remember...a relationship does not take away from either parties life...it sustains it at a minimum...and even better enhances it....SO...with this said, perhaps it would be constructive and healthy for you to also recognize this rather than dwell in gloom and doubt which will have a direct effect on your neglect of your livelihood which only serves to cause you additional stress which will invariably roll over into your relationship which would also taint your relationship.Another issue here is your relationship is LDR...well...perhaps the distance is making you uneasy...well it would be no different than if you two resided together and one or the other was deployed...TRUST is the glue.Do you trust your girlfriend? Insecurity can destroy a relationship...I KNOW.Relax...Even if a week goes by...AND...if you really find this a concern, simply ask her...and perhaps you all could set a time to speak to each other one day during the week...or whatever times/days you two agree upon.God Bless
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A
female
reader, Zonee +, writes (16 December 2010):
If you think you love her, make sure she knows:
"When you like someone, you let them go thinking that if they like you, they’ll come back. What you fail to see is that they may not come back thinking that you don’t like them for the very reason you let them go."
I wish I read this a year ago. If I did I would not had to put my post up today.
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A
male
reader, CJH  +, writes (16 December 2010):
 Just because the "honeymoon period" seems to be over, theres no need to start wrrying yourself silly that its over. Your girlfriend will almost certainly pick up on that and the whole thing will turn sour.
You may be right, maybe she has realised that you both need to put work first. In any relationship, there is always that mad flurry at the start where you cant get enough of the other person but at the weeks and months go on things do change - they settle.
Try not to over think this one for now. Ultimately, of course, if you cant get the idea that shes gone off you out of your head, youll have to be open and honest with her.
I do think its unrealistic to imagine that full on around the clock texting to go on forever. It has to change at some point doesnt it?
Why not make arrangements to meet up again and try to guage her feelings face to face rather than through the, essentialy, impersonal medium of text messages?
I do see where your concerns are coming from but they could be over nothing and if you carry on worrying, they could, ironically, force the relationship to end.
Take it easy and enjoy what you have.
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