A
female
age
30-35,
*ola1989
writes:Okay, So this will all be very overwhelming. About 2 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. I loved him dearly and we were perfect for each other in every way. Somewhere though the sexual chemistry started fading. I had only ever orgasmed with him twice when we were very first starting to date and both times were from oral. After that we basically had 4 1/2 years of "faked" sex. I began to accept that maybe I am just incapable of orgasming through sex and those 2 times were by accident of something. Long story short the lack of sexual spark led to me having wandering eyes. We started growing apart and literally one morning I woke up and I had this blank feeling towards him. It seriously felt like I didn't even love anymore. I was no longer jealous of when a girl would flirt with him. I found myself not wanting to spend time with him either. Even though I was consciously making these decisions I felt completely depressed and guilty about those emotions. I tried to deny them and I just keep going but it became too strong and I seriously hit rock bottom. I became seriously depressed for about a month. I couldnt get out of bed and I would literally cry all day. It just got too ridiculous so I broke up with him. As soon as I broke up with him I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders but then after a couple weeks that blank feeling came back only this time I had no one to blame it on. I started becoming obsessive about everything. I even started questioning my own sexuality even though I have ALWAYS been attracted to men. I also convinced myself that I will never love anyone. I was so certain I loved my last boyfriend but the fact that I fell out of love almost overnight really scares me. Now heres my problem. I met someone. I wasn't looking for it to happen but it happened. He is perfect too. We went on 2 dates then I had to leave (I met him while visiting a relative) now we talk and email each other literally everyday. He is understanding of me and caring and the circumstances in which we met were just like destiny. The problem is I have that blank feeling inside with him too. I am convinced I will never love him. Even though he is a completely different person than my ex. I am not trying to rush the emotions or into a relationship or anything but I am just scared that I am not going to give him a chance. Is it possible that I just need to heal from my last relationship? Its just that I felt awesome right after I broke up with him so I can't see how I could be hurt from it. Anywho, this is making me obsess about every possible reason as to why I don't feel anything. Could I just have too high of expectations? Blahh..I've looked into Pure-O OCD and I have my suspicions are that I may be suffering from it
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broke up, depressed, flirt, jealous, my ex, orgasm, spark Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 Ok firstly a lot of women (myself included) can not orgasm from sex alone. Clitorial stimulation is the only way most of us can get there which is most likey why you achieved it with oral sex.
Secondly I'm not a doctor but these blank feelings you are getting could be a chemical imbalance of some kind. I stongly suggest you see a doctor and tell him about these feelings plus not being able to get out of bed.
Good luck doll it'll all be ok in the end.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 It's natural to feel this way if you are just recovering from a depression. What a horrible thing to believe that you can't orgasm through sex. Those 4 years you had kept yourself quiet rather than put efforts into communicating what you need and how you would like to be stimulated. There was no energy cicuit during sex and you were literally sucked dry. Right now you need to focus on other things that would make you happy. Start with simple things to get you in a sensual mode. Eat good, natural food and savour every bite. Notice every color, smell, texture of your surroundings. Listen to Classical music. Feel the joyful laughter of small children. The easiest position to have a vaginal orgasm is you lying on your back, bending your legs under his shoulder.
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