A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner of 2 years was transferred to work in another city (far from where I live) by his company 2 months ago. Prior to that we were living together and planning to get married. Lately he has been calling less and less. He said he can't afford to call and doesn't have any money. I gave him some money to help him out. He still called less and less and when I called him often sounded as if he'd had more than a few drinks. I found out that he'd also bought new parts for his car. Now if you're so broke you can't afford a phone call can you afford stuff for your car and alcohol or is it just a matter of priorities - me not being one?
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male
reader, Moonknight +, writes (27 February 2011):
 I know this answer is a bit late but i am hoping it will benefit any other potential readers.
Good points made so far with the current answers. Here is a different point of you.
You don't make any mention of him being a big drinker when you two was living together and now he's moved away it seems like things are slowly falling apart.
Some men like or need a woman around them to keep them in good shape, your female presence could be all he would have needed to control his finance and drinking and without that he could be slipping.
This change could have had a big effect on him and while being away he's somewhat been knocked into a different comfort zone where as his car may be his entertainment where that used to be you.
If he is different when he is away from you, this would be an obvious connection, take some time to try and understand him and his life when he is not around you, the guy could open up to you real fast if you show some interest in his problems more than the ones that are troubling you.
To solve the calling problem, orange offers free unlimited calls to other orange mobiles in the UK, no bs no catch, look into it, and throw that excuse he has out the windows of calling cost.
A
female
reader, IAMDONE  +, writes (24 February 2011):
Perhaps an evaluation of this relationship needs to take place. It has been said that absence makes the heart grow fonder by the day...it is also said, out of sight and out of mind. Long distance relationships are very difficult and need a lot of nuturing. It appears that you are willing to nurture the relationship but is your man willing to nurture it. It is not a way way street movement. I would back off and not call him...he should be the one making the calls. I would not help him out by giving him money when he runs short. Many if not all cell phone carriers have unlimited long distance. Does he care enough about staying in contact with you to purchase one of these plans and phones? I would just sit back and see what he does to save this relationship. I am in a long distance relationship and I have expressed and fussed with my boyfriend about the lack of visits we make to see and be with each other and I finally let it go and started backing up off the relationship and he made a point in less than a month to make a visit. His whole attitude changed for the better. I have not seen him now for over a month and I am not going to say a word about it. It fact I am in the process of baking up and taking a good look at what his next move will be...maybe that move will be without me!!
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 Yes, so it sounds, I'm afraid. He did not suggest any arrangements for you to spend more time together at weekends for example, did he? Or, say, suggest that you try to find a job in his city - hey, not that it would be fair to have you change your current life style for him but you know, we don't always think about what is fair or not when we're crazily after something or someone; it would depend on what you want, too. Is the transfer for a short time or is it for an indeterminate period of time?I think you know that not many relationships survive the long distance and it's a long story talking about the strategies to apply to make it work, never mind the desire, which is the main ingredient.Without the above, the distance will probably leave you no solution but to start dating again, each on his own, whether you inform the other or not. I'm sorry but normally when you are planning a marriage, you don't just get transferred without talking, making arrangements, deciding how you're going to cope or if it's worth to do this little something that may imply certain financial advantages for him but risk the supposed forthcoming wedding. Do you usually communicate very little. It sounds as though this is taking you by surprise. You might as well breach the subject and find out where you stand and what he has to contribute on the matter.It's all even clearer if the transfer does not imply an increased income or other advantages, if he took the oportunity to travel and maybe get a taste of freedom before settling with someone. You never know what can happen though. Some time apart can do you well perhaps? And many relationships are resumed later on at a more suitable time. Why don't you meet for a face to face talk? Best of luck.
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