A
male
age
51-59,
*ood Guy
writes:OK- I need a little more advice. I have been dating this lady for 3 months. just don’t see enough of each other. We used to see each other a few days out of the week. But now it is maybe once a week or longer. I try calling to say hello and get no answer. She has friends I know. Once I got a text from her (after not hearing from her for 2 days after Christmas) “Hi baby! Been partying. Sorry I havent called. Will talk to u tomorrow” is the text I got from her. I still had not heard from her until the next day. I asked her what she had been doing. She said she was on a binge with her friends. That really bothers me. One of the reasons I say that is because I asked if she does drugs. She did not answer me. I said I don’t mind marijuana. She still remained silent. Another reason it bothers me is she likes her alcohol. She called me one afternoon saying how she was at the local bar last night and had the bartender give her a ride home. Being 37 years old she lives with her mom. It seems like each time we see each other, we have sex and then it is a while before we see each other again, and the length of time keeps growing. I always thought that a new relationship needs to have effort and time spent together so that it can grow. We would need to spend time together with each other to know what each other likes and dislikes. You know get a deeper understanding. I just don’t see that happening here, or am I missing the big picture?
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (30 December 2008):
 It seems as though she can't control her own feelings. She has a definate alcohol problem and may be using drugs as well. When you ask yourself if this is the kind of woman you really want in a relationship, you answer is the best clue in your BIG PICTURE.
Your girlfriend doesn't seem to have time for you unless she is thinking about you and acts in the spur of the moment. She is so busy with her friends and everything else that she isn't giving you the time you need to form a stable relationship. It doesn't mean that she is really a bad person she is just a person with BAD HABITS. I've had a couple of these guys myself and there were pretty good ole fellas but they did alot of stupid things and destroyed the relationship because of alcohol or drugs.
Her binge drinking quite possibly is the main problem. If she is an ALCOHOLIC she doens't see this as a problem or isn't aware that her drinking is really that bad. Perhaps she may even be in denial that she indeed has a PROBLEM! Anyone who indulges in heavy usage of alcohol and drug abuse can sometimes become a second PERSON. They have different moods, actions or behavoiur patterns. They can become neglectful, serious, abusive,silly or depressed amongst other things.
To be with someone who is so into ALCOHOL that you are never first in their thoughts, always bringing up the rear, it's best to rethink the relationship. You most likely will always be left in that place where you are alone and waiting. Wondering if they care of not. Sometimes they do, but they can't or won't stop doing the things that's surely driving you apart. Your lady needs to watch out taking rides from strangers or guys she doens't know that well, after all she is drinking. Sometimes when someone is intoxicated heavily they will SLEEP with ANYONE, there gaurds are down, they anticipate things differently and off come the clothes. 8-(
If she cares for you perhaps she just can't control her actions and would be sad. If she cares but doesn't care enough to control her actions that is going to be one of the most miserable relationships you will ever have. You are going to be the one doing most of the giving. You are going to be left alone alot and left feeling lonely for most of the times. Her actions are going to keep you controled somewhat, because you care too much. You are letting her get by with treating you with RESPECT and the CARE that someone should when they have a dating realationship. Sorry to say this but in her eyes either she isn't ready to have a serious relationship with you,or she's just going to do what she wants whenever ready. That's why she is distancing herself from you.
I suggest having a talk with her and letting her in on your feelings about this. If she can't see your point and try to get herself straight then you are probably going to be better off moving on hon and finding someone who will be a caring and non selfish partner. Someone who will put your needs in their correct order, not always last. Find a lady who wants a GOOD GUY and a GOOD RELATIONSHIP. You are correct in the assumption that spending time together helps to get to know someone and it's a building block for a healthy relationship. If a new relationship doesn't have the necessary time to talk and bond, how can one expect it to grow? It really can't.
Get on your feet and do a little dance
Cause you don't have to settle for anything in romance,
You can find someone who is worthy of all you have to give
So get on out there GOOD GUY, you've got a life to live~!
Don't waste it waiting and wondering about someone who isn't really giving you any real incentive to stay!
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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