A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy about 3 years ago. I remember him being slightly friendly, polite even, but we didn’t really hang out or anything. Over the years I’ve gotten to know his parents really well but I haven’t seen him since.Recently we had a brief accidental bump in at a family function, followed by a quick greeting and went our separate ways. By that I mean, I turned around and he was gone!The next night I saw him at a (pre) pre-wedding party, where his aunt asked me out on his behalf in front of everyone! Saying that he said that he wanted to take me out sometime.At that point I was…stunned. I didn’t even think he took any notice of little ole me…He walked over and we got talking. He was chatty - overly chatty even.He was already making plans about where we’d go. It was clear that we’d go with a bunch of friends. One comment from him that night stood out for me, when he said, “I’ve been meaning to take you out…All my friends are getting married now…” my response to that was…”yeah, I’m in the same boat…so I completely understand…”At this point as far as I was concerned we were going to be buddies… and hang out. I saw him again the following Friday at the pre-wedding party. We bumped into each other several times all evening.One thing that I’ve noticed he tends to do with me is ask me if I like something, or even if its implied, then tell me what he thinks about it. Like I’d be sampling the cake, and he’d add in there, “oh…that’s too sweet for me!” That’s sweet. But I didn’t ask.I saw him later in the evening. So I stopped to talk when he walked toward me with a general conversation opener. Then all of a sudden when I was next to him he said “I had to lock my dog up…”and looked around the corner away from me… That was a bit…random.(since when did he become a blabbering idiot…?!) Thankfully one of his (married) guy friends came up to say hi to me, and we got talking. Suddenly out of nowhere…“the guy” goes, “Wow…is that the moon…look at it…” Everyone fell silent…I looked up at the moon, and thought, what is wrong with this guy!?!And then he stepped closer to me and said, “I have to leave you now…” Then he left.Later that evening after the odd across the room glance…I was sitting and talking to a girl friend when I felt someone hovering right above my head!I looked up and realised it was him! He was standing on the chair next to mine, leaning over and peaking into the tiny gap of the opened fridge. So I got up, looked at him and asked, “ Why didn’t you just tell me to move?!” He just looked straight at me blushing with complete direct eye contact and a big sheepish cute toothy grin plastered across his face!Nothing was said, it lasted a few seconds. And I just moved out of his way and he got what he needed.I didn’t see him after except when I was leaving where it was an akward, “I’ll see you” situation. But that’s it. What is going on?!I feel there’s an attraction there…No one can look at someone the way he looks at me and not feel something! Am I misreading the signs? The refrigerator incident just made me think, if he’d go to such depths to avoid talking to me…then maybe I got this one wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response(s)! Nice hearing from you both!
Q1605 - Wholesome! : -)
Sounds like it doesn’t it? Well, I moved over to Australia a few years ago and these family friends have in a way become like an extended family. So, yes, we see everyone at least once a month to catch up. it’s a nice way to touch base.
The guy has his own set of friends…so for now family isn’t on his list of priorities. Not that I’m saying he doesn’t family isn’t important…just that he’d rather spend time with a short skirt instead! : -)
(That was a little harsh of me!)
Quiet-echo - snail’s pace is just being polite!
I believe that…that if something is meant to be…it will happen. No, I’m not dating at the moment. I need to figure things out…emotionally. I don’t feel that rushing into a relationship…or even dating…is fair on either party at this time.
But I get your point. : -)
Keep well you two! : -)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, I hope you all are keeping well.
Just a quick, mini-update…
I bumped into him very briefly the other night at yet another family function. We greeted and politely chatted for a minute or so. Mind you, as usual he fired the questions and no sooner that I replied the next question was asked. And before I knew what was going on someone called him and I went to get dinner.
After dinner I was speaking to his aunt and he was walking in my general direction…then he quickly turned around and went to help the guys. And then when I turned around again he was gone.
The end.
Its starting to look like a cat and mouse game…I’m losing interest pretty quickly.
Nothing major to comment about.
That’s it for now.
Keep well : -)
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSure :-)
I will keep you updated, IF anything ever happens between him and I.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): Please keep us posted.I would love to know what happened.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi quiet-echo, thanks for that. : -)
I think, appearance wise - he comes across as confident. Purely because he’s fairly muscular. I’m going to make a generalised judgement here, and say that usually men who are that…”pretty” have a steady girlfriend and if not many, girlfriends. I’m beginning to realise that he’s shy or rather takes some time to warm up to some people.
I like the fact that he’s reserved especially with the opposite sex. It shows a softness.
I think I stopped processing this a few days ago. Which is a good thing!
I’m happy to play this one out and see what happens.
Thanks again for your response :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone, I trust you’re all well…?
So, there’s an update…but no developments…
He didn’t call since the last time we spoke a few weeks back like he said he would.
I bumped into his this weekend at - yes you guessed right - a family function!
I got there reallyyyy late so he didn’t know I was there until I walked outside to get something. He was standing with a bunch of older men and when he saw me he perked up and greeted me. I was VERY surprised. That’s new! Before I could say anything to him, his dad came up greeted, hugged and started talking to me…then I had to leave for a bit with the dude‘s brother to go pick something up.
When I got back I was just standing around…he came and stood next to me and started talking. General chit chat…but playful…
No mention of the fact that he was supposed to call or anything.
He was telling me about his mum…and how things were at home…which was unusual but nice.
But he was also playful…and threw in the odd joke.
I’ve never seen this side of him. Its like he’s warming up to me.
Then he left to do something and I got busy…and then again…he came and stood next to me and chatted for a bit. Then someone pulled me away to talk…and that was it. I left soon after that.
He keeps telling me I’m funny. I’m sure he’s very surprised because I look/seem to have a carrot lodged up my arse! He clearly likes me, its written all over his face. But he’s not making a move…?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHis,“Don’t lie! You have me on your speed dial!”comment - was that a slight flirt or an info-getter? Maybe a bit of both?!
It felt a bit like him asking if I liked him…he got his answer.
I don’t want to take any of this for granted. I’m very thankful for the experience. And I’m open to its possibilities. I just don’t want to focus on the destination when the journey is so much fun!
One thing I’m certain about is that I want to build a relationship with him that’s structured on a solid foundation. The nature of that relationship will take shape in time, but the ground work is crucial regardless.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks quiet-echo, it was easier than I thought it’d be. I am also pleased about the extended chat and offcourse the invite out might be fun.
I’ll just keep focusing on my breathing and the rest will take its course… : -)
*Thanks*
q1605 as always…LOVED IT!
I seemingly bounce off his confidence - so when he’s loud, quizzy and confident I’m the same right back. He and I never really did speak much before all this, so I’m learning as I go along. I feel he’s easy to talk to. Its pretty effortless. No butterflies. But my answers are shorter than I would usually go with and a little more direct. I don’t ask many questions. He doesn’t let me! : -)
The second I finish saying something, he asks the next question…And the one time I did get a question in there, he started answering before I finished asking!!! Still nerves??? Or overconfidence???
Oh I don’t think I’d go so far as autopilot…But I’m calmer about it. I’m happy for it to take its course, whatever that may be.
If we hit it off, we hit it off… if we don’t…we don’t…I would like to get to know him better and take it from there.
I’m interested to know where this goes, a little excited even yes, but I am also a little concerned about my slight indifference…
And q… you poor honey! That must’ve been pretty harsh!
For what its worth I can identify.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate time :-)So as you all know, I made the call.I sucked it in, took half a valium (kidding, but I was pretty darn close!) and I called.After the greeting bit, he was said, "yeah you called this morning, what's going on?" (or something like that..)So I said, "You know...I wish I could explain what happened there...but I honestly don't know how that happened. I'm SO sorry!"His response surprised me...He said, "Don't lie! You have me on your speed dial, don't you?!" I could hear the smile!Excuse me?! NOWHERE did I see that one coming. Its like all of a sudden he's Mr Confident!!? I think I mumbled something to the effect of ..."yeah right" :-DWell I said I was meaning to call him and check how he was going because he was pretty stressed out with the wedding etc. Then he started talking...didn't stop.And then the questions started...."Where do you work...? where do you live? How about we go for drinks 2 friday's from now?"So yeah, he's going to arrange it. He wants everyone to have a good time, so no driving - we're taking cabs... We possibly will be going out with a bunch of people for drinks in a few weeks. So yeah...he'll call me once he arranges it. We'll see...And yeah...we both had to go...so yeah he said, "it was nice talking to you..." I could hear the sincerity in his voice. That meant a lot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk...so I returned his call.
Simple explainations get you the most interesting responses sometimes quiet-echo... :-)
q1605 - LOVED your response as always! Totally loved the "Tell him it is be kind to and give a break to a moron month and he hasn't contributed yet" I wanted sooo much to say that...but he didn't quite let me talk...much?!! He asked me things so I had to respond to his countless questions rather than talk...
And.."This guy has your number. Metaphorically" :-) Really?!
Awesome!
And btw.. "Trust me now. Believe me later" is my new line!
Thanks for the support both of you! :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that quiet-echo. : -)
Calm doesn’t come easily for me-clearly!
I was going to say just that, but it just sounds sooo wrong saying, I didn’t meant to call you.
Anyhoo I’ll return that call in a few minutes.
Thanks again!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHELP!!!!
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m a MORON! I know this….and I NEED serious professional help!
I accidentally dialled the guy’s number an hour ago. I don’t know how that happened.(Seriously)
I was still asleep to be fair…but I can’t tell him that!
I cancelled the call when I realised it wasn’t the number I had intended to dial!
He called back in about 15-20 min. I let it go to voicemail. NO words were entering my mind as to HOW I was going to explain that botch up!
In the voicemail he basically said, “please return my call.”
I can’t tell him I accidentally dialled his number…and that my phone seems to like him because he almost got a text message at 3 am!
How do I tactfully, explain this without coming across as a total moron?!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): To become strong and learn, we must experience failure. With each failure comes knowledge to prevent the next failure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondeliawood, right back at you! ;-)quiet-echo, yeah mum invited his whole family, however his mum just confirmed only a handful of ladies will be joining us for dinner. I have to say I was relieved. Strangely also clearly very disappointed. q1605 - you are soooo funny!Actually in case of emergency, I have already assembled my own little health professional team. They are permanently on stand by! :-)However, as I said to quiet-echo, he’s not going to be coming along to dinner. So I doubt I’d need professional intervention at this time. Or do I?! ;-)Last night when I found out he wasn’t coming along, disappointment set in. Followed by rejection. I don’t know how or why, but it did.Maybe I did misread the signs. Maybe I was reflecting my feelings off him. As I said previously, I've always liked him. He always spoke to me at functions compared to other people. So maybe it was a bad case of dysfunctional projection.I suppose I have to sit quietly and watch the pieces either come together…or … until one piece gets married.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): Thank you for the opportunity to help. Sounds like you are a sharp cookie!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirstly an apology goes out to q1605 - little “q” - my mind was someplace else entirely! Quiet-echo, I good at faking confidence…but not good enough to ask for a coffee date! I think my mum already beat me to it. She invited his entire family over for a meal. It’ll be interesting if they accept…Deliawood…you just summed up everything I was thinking!Thank you! I thought I was losing my already threatened grasp on reality!I feel that he’s interested. His level of interest would really only show when he calls and more so in what happens as a result of that call.I agree with you that his behaviour indicates a lack of maturity. I don’t think he’s shy by nature. I feel he gets choked up in situations like these. His mother, in a previous conversation, did a brilliant job of highlighting that fact.His aunt situation I find interesting. I know her fairly well - better than I know him. She’s not the type that would say things that didn’t happen. She’s also the type that says it like it is - an Aunty Philis if you‘d like! When she made her announcement, I was more amused than embarrassed. The only thought that ran through my mind was, “he was talking about me at home?!” I was flattered.They’re close, so she knows him fairly well. I think she was trying to help him along because she knew that if she left it all to him he wouldn’t have said anything. Which I’m concerned about. When you said if he were really interested, wouldn’t he have followed through and called. That’s the crux of my opinion. I’d rather have him call me because he wanted to rather than be obligated to do so. I have every intention of letting him be. If he’s interested he knows where to find me.What drew attention in that initial conversation was the first thing he said. “I said I would take you out, but it completely slipped my mind.” He never said that. If he had even hinted at us going out…I would’ve remembered! I’ve always liked him. So its not something a girl forgets. I’d reckon that he said that to ease the situation. Secondly, if you like someone, when you ask them out, you don’t forget!You’re absolutely right in saying that there are a lot of things about him that bother me. Initially when he said that all his friends were getting married now…does that make me pea soup??? (the only thing left on the menu).He keeps telling me what he doesn’t like. I’m starting to wonder if there’s anything that he does like!He finds it difficult to talk to me. Simply asking me to move clearly wasn’t an option for him, however it was easy to ask other people to move when he needed something out of the refrigerator. If actions speak louder than words and he’s going that much further out of his way to avoid me, then there you have it! My biggest issue though, is if he can’t step up and ask for what he wants now…is he ever going to?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): My take on this is that he may be interested but perhaps lacks the experience to talk or act in an appropriate manner. The way he has been showing off indicates a lack of maturity.
What his aunt did must have been embarrassing for him and you.
His saying he had been meaning to take you out may have just been something to appease you because of his aunt's announcement. Even so, there are other signs of his interest.
He has not telephoned you or been out with you? I don't think he is shy about asking from what you said. If he were really interested, would have he followed through? Let him be and leave the ball in his court. You will have control of the situation by doing this.
I have to say that from your descriptions, it sounds like there are a lot of things that already bother you about him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMaybe I should also add in there...that since that day, I saw him again a few days later at his brother's wedding. Aside from a brief across the car park greeting, he completely ignored me. We didn’t have any contact for the rest of the day. I saw him talking to others and greeting other girls with a kiss on the cheek…but yeah…he didn’t even glance in my direction.
What’s a girl gotta do?
So I reckon I'll give it another 3 years before there's a random bump in!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for clarifying that situation up for me and for restoring some of my sanity! :- )Q1605 - LOVED your response! That was just so cute!As for your response Quiet-Echo, I think I know that feeling very well! Currently feeling it atm whenever he’s around! I’ve liked him from the start. I’ve always been a little…nervous around him. I think now, I have this slight smirk permanently across my face that reads…”you like me…” which takes me down the, ‘I don’t know what to say to you because I don’t want to screw this up’ path!Nightingale, that didn’t occur to me until you just said it. I think when he’s around I tend to go blank. Which is unlike me. I think I should also say, that night I spent the night making conversation with this cousin’s boyfriend which I found relatively easy, right up until he walked up. Comparatively speaking though, he’s never been this random with me before. Even the night at the (pre) pre wedding party, He ignored me up until his aunt let the cat out of the bag…but then he was fine…actually come to think of it, he was firing questions at me. And I was completely fine…calm even. Mind you I did sniffle beer!I hear what you’re saying, I think I might have to take a double valium the next time I’m about to see him and hopefully I’ll be…calmer to say the least!Thanks again all of you. Much appreciated! :-)
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