A
male
age
,
*eoncheese
writes:HiTheres a woman I have known for 3 years now. We became great friends and she shares every little thing thats happenning in her world with me. She has been divorced for 8 years now and is very mistrusting of men.We also have a lot in common in terms of our interests and our faith.I started off last year seeing her once a week for coffee. Sometimes she would call to suggest and sometimes I would. Now it was as regular as clockwork every week for an entire year.The thing is we were at the time living in seperate towns and used to meet middway but this still meant a 25 km drive for each of us just to have coffee plus 25 km back. Now she admitted to me she wasnt driving this distance just for the coffee but for the company.Its because of the distance that I never tried asking her out more often at the time.Now she has moved to the same town and we still see each other. I am asking her out and lately the frequency of our meeting has increased (5 times last week) and although I am no expert her body language when in my company has all the signs of flirting. Twirling hair, looking at me while holding her head to the side etc, laughing or giggling. The one thing she always does is to play with things that are on the table. I have seen her calmly talking to me while she was vigorously spinning the menu around and around on the table and seemed not to be aware of this action. She talks to me and plays with empty plastic bottles spinning them. Sometimes she is talking to me and she is painstakingly folding the paper napkin into shapes.Sunday past she called me to ask if I wanted to see a movie. So we went to a movie together. After the movie we went to a coffee shop. She immediately sat on a chair diagonally across from me but turned towards me. She put her legs up on the next chair and crossed her arms on top of her knees in a kind of fetal position resting her head on her knees. She sat like this the whole time in the coffee shop. Half this time she had her eyes on the tv behind me watching a soccer match and commenting to me on things. She did look at me quite a bit and always her eyes seemed glowing and focused on me and she twirled her hair in her fingers.Although I am no expert it would seem that the body language is telling me she is attracted to me. This is supported by the fact that half the occasions we meet its my suggestion and the other half its her suggestion.So the answer would seem obvious except that About 2 months ago I asked her if we could be in a relationship and she just shrugged off the question. The previous time I asked the same question she said she wouldnt know what to do in a relationship.So I have decided not to ask again but just to see where things go.I long to be more physical with her (talking here about a simple hug or kiss) but she has always been a woman who did not seem approachable to physical contact. So to try to better this I am trying to touch her gently and unthreateningly when we do meet just to prompt her to touch me.Just after I started this She surprised me 2 weeks ago by suddenly grabbing my arm and rubbing it vigorously while telling me a story - very uncharacteristic of her.So we have the apparent "flirting body language" plus not giving an answer to my question about a relationship.This confuses me.I am also very puzzled by the fetal position of last Sunday though as it doesnt seem to be in any of the body language references I have seen.Am I just misinterpreting her body language or is this woman really attracted to me and how should I progress this from here if she is attracted ?Thanks
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 April 2010):
 Very wise, you'll reap the the benefits from being patient.
A
male
reader, neoncheese +, writes (8 April 2010):
neoncheese is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think if I am only concerned with what I want then I would take the advice and give her an ultimatum. But I have spent 3 years getting to know her and shes a very beautiful woman on the outside but ALSO on the INSIDE.
If I have to consider what SHE wants and IS SHE WORTH IT then I will not give her an ultimatum and move on. I will give her the time she needs. I am not in this only for what I can get from her but I do also enjoy her friendship and company.
She has told me only last week that her impression of men is that they cannot be trusted. I dont blame her because men are always hitting on her and trying to have their way with her. When she doesnt give in they drop her like a brick.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 April 2010):
Well that is even more evidence that she's very interested in you. I think she's just a little gun shy because of her first marriage. She'll come around, just be patient.
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (8 April 2010):
Lord help us. Women to me often do not know what they want. I can understand your confusion. Stop going out with her and tell her why and then see what her response is?Presently you are going nowhere fast?
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A
male
reader, neoncheese +, writes (8 April 2010):
neoncheese is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response Eyeswideopen.Thats how I have been seeing it but its good to get a womans perspective.To add a bit more perspective she recently told me of another man who asked her to be in a relationship with her (she gets chased by lots of men) and she told him directly that she wasnt interested. Made me wonder why she never told me directly !Yes - She MOST DEFINATELY is WORTH waiting for.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 April 2010):
She definitely sounds attracted to you, but she also sounds rather wary about having an official relationship at this point. I'd say you just move very slowly, I think it's just a matter of time. She seems worth the effort. Good luck.
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