A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am having relationship problems...I have found myself completely stressed out, depressed, and I'm afraid no longer happy from my relationship! I have suppressed feelings and resentment from previous issues, that I just can't let go. Also, I have always known what I want out of a relationship but this particular relationship has made me realize just what I need from a relationship. I need someone that holds me for no particular reason, does things to sweep me off my feet like little surprises, someone that enjoys doing activities with me as a couple not always in a group and doesn't consider sitting in front of the tv as a date, someone that wants to get close to my family not just his, someone that considers my interests, goals, career, wants, desires, etc, someone that is intimate on all levels, this is my first sexual relationship and I am aware there is a problem because we go so long without any intimacy that I can't tell you the last time we got close, I'm sick of trying to initiate something when I'm the girl and it never ends of working and when it does half the time he never really reaches his max, most nights he rolls the other way, has even put a pillow between us...I have never thought in a million years my first sexual experience would leave me so sexually frustrated!!! It makes me feel unwanted, not desired, and ugly! and finally I need someone that needs me back and wants to start a life with me. My significant other makes me feel like this entire relationship is about him, what he wants to do, what he wants to watch on tv, what pet he wants, where he wants to live, the career he wants me to have, what friends we should have...its all about him!!! I moved an hour and a half from my job to the middle of nowhere bc thats what he wanted and I have been trying to get a career started in that town just so he will be happy with me bc he made it perfectly clear he was moving with or without me and as soon as we moved in he is talking about moving another 40 more minutes away to practically be in his parents back yard....he doesn't consider my career or my family or my friends. It is not fair that I have to be so far from my friends, family, and career. I am a girl, like all girls when we have kids we want our mother and our girlfriends their, it doesn't matter the relationship with the mother-in-law whether good or bad she is not our mother!!! Also I'm sick of the alcohol, I honestly think he is a drunk but he will never accept that. But coming from a family with no alcohol I know it when I see it. If you have to have at least 4 beers a day, something is wrong!! And I definitely will never raise a family in that trash! And finally I feel resentment because when we first meet two girls called his phone all the time and yet 6 months went by and he never mentioned them!! He finally introduced them when he had to for a graduation party. At the party, they hugged, and touched, and throwed their boobs in his face with me there. And to top it off they even asked him to buy them a drink which he did..I have never felt more disrespected and humiliated by a guy!! After that he would leave to go to parties with them without me, drinking of course, then me not hearing from him for days!! They have rode with him, just them in his truck to various activities, he went to dinner with just one of them directly after leaving my place, and they even baked him a cake for his birthday!! It broke my heart because I am a girl and I could never do any of that with someone else's boyfriend, it's so disrespectful!! Not to mention these girls are best friends with his mother, his family, and all his friends and from his hometown where he wants to be. I think I am going to end it..I am so frustrated..this weekend was the last draw, he has worked nights for the past several months and he finally gets a Saturday night off and instead of wanting to spend it with his girlfriend he makes plans to have dinner with his parents and wants to go to a haunted house afterwards with a group!!! We had not done anything all week but eat dinner and watch tv before he leaves for work all week, and forget the sex that rarely happens, maybe one time on a good week. And the entire time he watches tv he doesn't even look at me or interact with me! That's It!!!! I am a girl, as a girl we need attention, to feel loved, and to feel like we are important!! I ended things on an awkward note meaning we live together so we have been sleeping in separate rooms and having little conversation. We had been dating over a year and he is a very genuine and sweet person, he isn't a jerk. Can you give me some advice to reassure my decision and calm me down that I'm not acting irrational. Thanks!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deepgemini  +, writes (25 October 2011):
 Personally I think it sounds like you've already made your mind up. You seem to know what you want and where you want to go with your future which is really important.
Your partner seems rather controlling although you have acquiesced so far you are realising that you are worth so much more. Many women have been in the same position myself included and you truly have to know yourself well enough to know how to make yourself happy. Be true to yourself, be brave and hold out to make your dreams come true and value yourself.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2011): Yes, end it. Sounds like you both want it to be over and both will be relieved to move on.
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