A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm dating a guy of three years now, who has done some bad to me in our past. he's started to come around and change, but i worry because of our age difference. he is 21 and i am 27. now the problem is prior to being with him, i had made a mistake, i hooked up with a guy who is the same age as him. no,i typically dont go for younger guys, i do honestly look much younger than i am. i had met them through mutual friends who introduced them both as being older. my dilemna is that since my relationship this other guy randomly chimes in with texts, he's always giving me hot and cold signals and i usually just blow him off when i feel it is leading down the wrong path. he doesn't want a relationship, but he detests my choice of staying with my guy. he's always reminding me of how my guy hurt me. it sucks because it is something i think about, but the fact that everyone knows without my saying it what hes done really makes it worse. he keeps reminding me of our brief thing, and it does't help me feel any better. im afraid that i bring out the worst in people. maybe i attract certain qualities or encourage them and don't know what to do. i am attracted to his half assed attempts to 'save' me from staying with my guy, but at the same time, i do believe my guy will change and will work on trust. my guy doesn't know about the history this other guy and i have but he doesn't like him. which i cannot blame him, when we split about year and half ago, i did screw up and run back to this other guy. no sex, although heavy flirting on his part and i didn't tryto stop it- i did likethe attention. and when he tried to make physical contact i declined and told him it was too soon and admitted my attraction but nothing would come of it. he and i share an intellectual bond and i think we toy eachother too much, i didn't mean to cause that much excitement, i was selfishly repairing my ego. he just loves the challenge. he told me he'd never love me yet he swears ill never leave his mind. i caused alot of problems, i dont know what to do. bf is coming home soon and i wantto shake my need to have attention. i love him, yes, he cheated a few times, but i don't want to keep this double life. i haven't "cheated" physically but am i lacking something that i consider it?
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female
reader, petina1  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Reading what you have wrote I can see you really love your boyfriend, yes youve made mistakes, who hasnt. I would suggest you finish any contact with the other guy, he is playing with you. Try to work something out with your guy now, if you are missing something in your life, let him know, maybe you could have some time away together, that always helps in being able to talk things out. You must follow your heart. You can't be a hundred percent with your boyfriend while these other worries are on the surface, so give yourself a clean slate, get rid of the dead wood in your life, if you can't get what you need from your boyfriend, then look for someone new, don't run back to the other guy, who will never love you anyway, that would be a backward step. he's like a vulture him, waiting for things to go wrong so he can pick of the bits from y ou.
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