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*aptop1955
writes: ive been with my partner 7 years,2 years ago she finished with me,i won her round with a mixture of flowers AND chocs being a friend and slowly we got back on track,althro it never quite got back to what it was,then just before xmas she finished with me again,in the last 4 years she has had lots of problems,her dad dying getting in a lot of debt a hystercstomyand she has had counciling and been on anti depressive pills,i want to be with her and dont know what to do,im wondering weather all these problems are the reason or am i kidding myself and she just dosent want to be with me,im doing the no contact thing
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): Give her space and time. Let her know you are there in background if ever she needs anything. It sounds to me like she has been through hell and her defence mechanism has kicked in and now she is getting herself better.I found peace in time on my own helped me immensely. I wish both of you well through this difficult time but you must set yourself a time zone, say 6 months. If she doesn't get back in touch then move on but let her know how you feel and try to talk to her. Sometimes we don't know the right things to say and can often make situations worse. Or sometimes we push people away for our own protection. I'm not saying you are out to hurt her but having you around may been painful. Do take care.
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female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 I think all the problems are the reason she has "rejected you." Having a parent die, major surgery, and money issues are all huge stressers on a person, and to have them all happen in the last few years is a lot to deal with. You say she has been to counseling and is on anti-depressants. I wonder whether she is taking her medication... or whether she needs a change in it... she sounds like she is STILL very depressed. People don't give up on a good relationship, especially with a guy that seems as caring as you, without a reason. I think it is because she has a lot of problems, is possibly NOT taking her medication, feels crappy about herself and the situation she is in, and is distancing herself. You can't be in a healthy relationship if you don't feel healthy about yourself. Now.. what should you do? First, realize you cannot fix her problems for her. Second, let her know you are there for her if she needs you. Third, maintain a distance and continue on with your life as if she weren't in it (the best you can.) And fourth, when and if she resolves her problems on her own, and looks you up, if you are still availible consider dating her again. Do not put your life on hold waiting for her to resolve her issues, it may never happen. People that suffer from depression offen suffer life long. I understand that dealing with an issue like this is complicated and painful for you, it is often confusing and frustrating, but remember, her problems cannot be yours. Hope this helps.
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reader, StudentNurse20 +, writes (2 January 2007):
 Right now i dont think she needs relationship questions, she may feel pressured by this, she has been through an awful time. But just becuase she has had problems doesn't mean she doesnt want you, how did you come to this conclusion? Maybe being in a relationship is too much for her right now, perhaps you could offer support as a friend and go from there. In a way she does need space but she also needs your support in a non committed way. Be her friend someone she can rely on and trust without feeling she is obligated to give something in return.
this kind of healing will take time, do you have the patience to wait for her.
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reader, Bigryan0301 +, writes (2 January 2007):
its sad her dad is dying maybe you should be with hwer if shes on pills she could go crazy and her herslef and you one day but if u really wanna be with her should her u care for her and u luv her
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reader, tydike +, writes (2 January 2007):
try to let her know u care for her,try to assist her father the best way u can so he would recover,and find councellor fr her i bet u she would come back to u..
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