A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have just recently found out I probably have MS, albeit mildly so far, fortunately. My partner of 5 years, with whom I had had various problems on and off, left me just before I was diagnosed, whilst I was ill and for a while was being a friend but has since decided he wants nothing more to do with me. He has anger problems and various other issues. My problem is I feel so let down and angry. I know he has the right to leave if he wants as we all only have one life and so on but I supported him through so much of his own stuff over the last few years and now I feel he is just not there for me at all.I haven't seen him for about 3 months although we spoke on the phone now and then. I have been quite stable but obviously something like MS can flare up or it can stay calm and it is psychologically hard to deal with.I keep on thinking negative stuff about him ie that he is bad, selfish, cruel etc .. Am I justified in thinking these things? I really feel that it is a cruel thing to do and that he cannot therefore be a very nice person. Most of my friends and family say he is a horrible person for doing this and is not that nice anyway given some of his attitudes and behaviours that they have seen in the past. I'm scared about losing him totally and confused about his behaviour. He hasn't even provided a space for us to talk to discuss it, he just simply stopped calling or taking my calls for a while then said he would never see me again. I cannot understand why he is being so callous. He was being nasty with it as well, insulting me and calling me names. I feel a bit all over the place and would appreciate any comments.THanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 June 2009):
 First, I hope the doctors will find out that you don't have that disease. From what I understand, MS is a disease that is diagnosed by elimination: they do lots of tests and until they are positive it's not anything else do they come up with a diagnosis of MS.
If they do diagnose it, I read that large amounts of vitamin D are helpful, because they help stabilize the immune system. They say people in sunny climates don't get MS as much because we are naturally exposed to a lot more sunshine, and, therefore, to a lot more vitamin D. I'm sorry I can't remember where I read this.
Sometimes diseases bring more suffering in the form of people leaving you or not wanting to be with you. Maybe that is the case with your boyfriend; I think I cannot tell.
Sometimes people are incapable of dealing with an incurable disease because the disease reminds them that they are mortal, too. I think this is what doctors mean when they speak about "denial", though they usually focus on the patient denying the disease.
You have to be a strong person, whether they confirm your diagnosis or not. It would be much better if you knew that you can have a loving person by your side, but he's not a loving person who will support you. Since an incurable disease gives no quarters, maybe it is best for you to know who you can count on, for sure, so you can decide what to do.
If they confirm the diagnosis, don't let your disease define you. It's something that went wrong; that is not you. Don't give up. Wanting to keep going, no matter what, is what will give you a sense of purpose in life.
Wish you the best.
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