A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, this isn't a love question. It's about friendship between 2 girls. My best friend, who I've been best friends with for 8 years just doesn't care about our friendship anymore. I think I was naive in thinking that we would be friends 'forever'. The thing is, I'm very careful in choosing my friends, I know when a person is a backstabber and this girl didn't seem like one. I should know, she was lovely and never had a bad word to say about anyone. However, since we went to college, we formed new friends, coincidentally, the same friendship group.. There were 5 of us until she paired up with one person and the other 2 paired up and then as time went on she pushed me further and further away, not inviting me to meals out, beach, cinema etc (like friends do).. I say "she" didn't invite me cos she's the only driver and arranges everything, we never meet up outside of college anymore either, we used to spend one on one time together and that's also vanished... and I confronted her big time about this, and she admitted she'd been a "f..in shit friend" and said things would be different from now on. We've never ever argued like that in the 8 years i've known her so it was a pretty big deal. We've never even argued! I thought I'd give her a second chance and accepted her apology and decided to see how the next couple of months went. She continued to push me away and we still haven't met up. I see her now and again at college and go out of my way to say hello or smile but I know deep down I just hate her for the way she's treated me. Also, the rest of her group rarely speak to me now either but I know that I always got on with them and we had great laughs. I just know that my (was) best friend has tried to create a barrier which has caused me to lose them all as close friends. It's like she wants her friends all to herself and when we had an argument, said "we don't have to spend 24/7 with each other you know!" I think that's very unfair considering I saw her once or twice a week for a split second whereas she spends all day everyday with her "best friends"Am I being irrational? I know I was naive in thinking we'd be friends for a long time but I think she honestly is quite selfish and clearly doesn't care about others. What do you guys think of this? Has it happened to you? I just want to get shot of her(metaphorically), so I don't have to be fake when I see her but I also just want to cling on to the memories and the happy times we had, even if they are being overshadowed with the way I perceive her now. Please advise. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): I'm in a similar situation.
You're not being irrational, but you need to understand that this is all part of growing up. People grow apart naturally, and new bonds form naturally. Keep hold of your memories, but also try to let go of trying to be BFFs again. If it's meant to happen, it will.
Concentrate on trying to make new friends, and create new memories (I know that's easier said than done!)
Often, people (like your BFF) cling to new people they meet because they are fresh and exciting - they have to go through the whole getting-to-know-each-other stage. But that's just part of life
I'm sorry you've lost your BFF, but I know you have so many more memories to make with other people :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): This is a really difficult situation and I don't think you're being irrational. It is so sad when friends just change and start pushing you away. You don't know why, and you can just feel it. However, there is no easy solution. In my experience, if you tell the person, it just makes them push you away even more. The sad truth is, if this peron was truly your best friend, she wouldn't do this.
I suggest: make no efforts now with her. Let her come to you. If she truly cares, then she will consider her behaviour and try to make amends. If she tries to, forgive her, but if she doesn't, then learn from that.
Good luck, and I sincerely hope it works out.
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