A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Everytime I read the posts on this site I find it really hard to understand why people decide that they don't want to be with someone else? Am I just too young to understand as I have had only one proper relationship. Why can't people just compromise, no two people can be perfectly compatible can they? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): Sorry, I meant to say "There are four pieces in one puzzle that fits with you, but there are numerous puzzles. Thus there are many pieces that can fit with you."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): People cannot be flawlessly compatible with each other, BUT people can be compatible with each other through dynamism or "flow". A lot of people come together due to initial attraction and lust, then falling into the trap of low-self esteem, fear of never being loved, and fearing how others may see them, etc, etc - when their relationship are in the craps.
There is way too broad of a range of individuals to say that every other individual is dynamically compatible with every single person. We have to look at the individual as they are, their roots, their common practices, the intricacies of their tidbits, how strong they are, how refined and unrefined, and so on and so forth.
Take a look at a puzzle. There are different shapes and sizes. Some may fit with other pieces, but not 'perfectly', and even if you do, you will know that the picture will never be complete. There is only once piece in one puzzle that fits with you, but there are numerous puzzles. Thus there are many pieces that can fit with you. Each coming together to create a different sort of picture, different colours mashed together. It's quite artistic actually.
I do not believe it's your youth per se. I think it's your possible inexperience, or at least, not enough of a broader experience. People in relationships often build the house, but tend to never build the foundations, possibly because they don't see a need for it.
What do you think?
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (6 February 2007):
 Sometimes I feel exactly the same way because usually a little compromise is all that is needed to make some of these relationships work. What you'll notice though, is that a lot of people aren't prepared to do that. They think they're right and nobody else can have a conflicting opinion. It's their loss. Your attitude to compromise a little and talk about problems is much better trust me!
CD
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A
female
reader, jabey +, writes (6 February 2007):
You are right not everyone is completely compatible. And as you have already observed, there are many reasons why people move on from relaionships. The world we live in today offers us so many choices. And most of us use this to bring happiness into our lives. Today we do not feel obliged to stay with someone who makes us unhappy, as we are all aware there is so much in life that can and will make us happy. Therefore as we grow older we are aware more and more of what makes us happy, and who can make us happy. different relationships with people teach us so much and it often is those things we learn that in the long run can make us more empatheic, partners ourselves.
We all have to compromise, but people tend to leave relationships if they feel unhappy,e.g. if they are being abused, or their partner has been unfaithful or in a lot of cases they have just fallen out of love or lust. We all have freedom and choice and all know that being on our own is ok and also there is nothing wrong with holding out for someone who will majority of the time make us fel good and happy.
And yes you are right, sometimes when we are younger these things dont seem so clear. but you obviously are very bright to ask this question, and you are open to learning, so will have a good understanding, which as the years go by things will get clearer. And also you will realise we learn all the time about relationships and people, and actually will never stop learning.
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