A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Am I staying with my man for the wrong reasons?He's a wonderful guy; nice, caring, loving, generous, funny, supportive, dedicated to me, loyal, trustworthy etc. However, his past is something I just can't get over. He's slept with 100's of girls and it makes me sick, especially when I have to see them all the time. They were all one night stands and this is his first proper, long term relationship. He says that was his past but how can someone just switch from 'sex' to 'making love'? (I trust him 100% now, that's not an issue.)He also has genital herpes which he caught from a one night stand a few years ago. We always have to use condoms and it bugs me that he didn't with them and now has to with me.He is in loads of debt, nearly £50,000. He still lives with his dad.I just don't know what to do. I think I love him but can't be sure, his past upsets me too much to even know how I feel anymore. There are a lot of things in the way of us, including a 10 year age gap but he thinks we're meant to be together, I'm not so sure. I think I'm staying with him because I'm used to it now, I love his family and they love me and I think it'd just be too weird without him.Please help.
View related questions:
condom, debt, herpes, one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Serene Katy +, writes (3 August 2006):
 Hi, I hope some of what I noticed in your problem will help you look at it from a different point of view.
Can you temporarily try to scale down the relationship to 'just friends'? You seem to like his folks, and him to an extent. Maybe if you took a step back, you'd see if your feelings are real love or just a pattern with someone you are meant to be friends with. You should listen to your feelings if you aren't sure. This is long term as he (finaly) appears to have matured and he wants the security of knowing you will be there for him. How do you feel about that? You don't say how old you are, perhaps you need some time with people your own age before you commit to the pros and cons of a commited relationship. If you feel this, you have to be honest with him.
You seem to still have issues of trust if you are questioning him switching from one night stands to love. If he is long term in your life, he should have proven this by now. Even though you say you trust him 100% now, why is his past such an issue?
Maybe you are nervous about a future with him when he has so much debt? Is he living up to his responibilities and trying to pay it back? Can you at least direct him to Debt Management? With or without you in his life, he needs to deal with the issue of debt.
Please think carefully. Don't ever stay with someone because you feel sorry for them.
:]
Kate
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): in my opinion, if you're just staying with him because it would be weird without him, you probably should let him go. i've found that staying with someone for reasons other than love ultimately ends up bad. because while you may be fine right now, what if an amazing man walks into your life and you are attracted to him? what happens then? and that's when problems arise. i think you need to be true to yourself. whatever that means. and also, just keep in mind that if you do choose to end it with him, it probably will be really weird/hard at first, and that's to be expected. but time heals all wounds and you'll eventually be fine. good luck!!
...............................
|
