A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been having weird gut feelings. Ever since I've started dating him his cousin seems to have a problem with me. She's accused me of changing him when I haven't done anything and sent me hate messages which caused tension between me, her and my bf. He told me not to listen to her and that it doesn't matter what she thinks because everyone else likes me. That reassured me.She's been jealous of the time and attention he gave to me and my bf told me it was because she's not used to him having priorities. She's been annoyed when I took him somewhere that she considered 'their thing' like what the hell. But the things that annoyed me most were that at their joint birthday party me and my bf were sharing a room to sleep in and she gave him a condom just in case we would do anything. So I had some drinks and said to her bf to 'control her gf' but I said it in a jokey way. I didn't mean to offend her but she later came back and took the condom back. Just thought it was unfair that she was in control if we had sex or not. She said she's wanted to be my friend but sometimes I say stupid things but I don't mean to. Then at her boyfriends birthday I was being a bit hyper and joking around and her bf said out loud 'control your girlfriend' and it pissed me off not what he said but because it felt like they were trying to get back at me out of spite.My boyfriend recently spent the whole weekend with her and told me that she started cuddling up towards him in bed. I just think all of this is a bit weird tbh. I know she isn't in love with her bf but it feels like she's always trying to be a priority in his life. And I know they get on really well but people have said that if they weren't cousins they would probably be dating. Just makes me feel like ill never be good enough or theres like some secret competition I don't want to be part of. Theres so much more I could say about this tbh. I hate how passive my bf is because of this. She calls herself his second mum and I just think their relationship is unhealthy and enmeshed because I know she tries to control and make people feel guilty. I don't know what to do I just feel like running away.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 March 2019):
 I think it's pretty weird too, and the REASON he isn't nipping this in the bud is because he is ENJOYING all the attention she is giving him.
And he seems to ENJOY making you feel ill will towards HER and like you aren't enough. Otherwise HE wouldn't have mentioned how she SNUGGLED up with him in bed. Why TF were they in bed together in the first place?
You shouldn't HAVE to "compete" with anyone when dating a guy.
Just know that THIS will not change. SHE is family so a "higher priority" than you are. His idea of "sorting" it out is to ignore it, or rather that YOU should ignore her.
she is manipulative and your BF knows it but does BENEFIT from it.
End it and walk away, Just tell him you aren't interested in being the 3rd wheel in your OWN relationship.
Date someone who has healthier boundaries with other women, regardless of whether they are related or not.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 March 2019):
 Yep, this is definitely weird. This girl is attracted to your BF to some degree and is jealous, theres no other logical explanation for it.
If he really wanted her out of his business he would tell her straight. The fact he’s not doing this shows that he enjoys the attention. You already know this is going to be an issue. Family or not, there shouldn’t be another female you’re competing with for attention. Get out of this one before it mashes your brain any further. If he asks why, tell him exactly the reason.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2019): If your boyfriend isn't straightening things out, he's encouraging the behavior.
If she has a boyfriend; why does she spend so much time hanging-out or around with you and yours?
It doesn't seem weird, it is weird! If she tried snuggling in bed!!! That was his cue to straighten things out; and put some distance between them. Seems like shady things may have happened once upon a time.
When you are with a guy who lets other females mess with your relationship. You'll have to be strong enough to leave him; if he doesn't take the initiate to establish you're his number-one lady.
If there is always a female-wedge between you, and he doesn't stop it. He wants her there; or she has a secret he doesn't want told.
Guys like him will always keep you tangling with other females. He won't stand-up for you; and you'll never enjoy being together.
So it's up to you, if you want a boyfriend with a conjoined-cousin! She obviously has the hots for him, but he won't do anything to protect your relationship. You'll always be creeped-out; and she'll always be in your way. They're family is "too close-knit." Either accept it, or move on. We can't do anything about her here! It's up to your boyfriend.
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