A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Not sure if I'm just over reacting to something really stupid but it's another thing that's really upset me and just wanted other people's opinions.I gave blood yesterday and fainted afterwards (my first time). Got home having been told not to do anything and text my husband to say what happened and asked if he wanted curry for dinner - he responded 'if I felt up to it' (I'd been told not to do anything). I text back to say I meant a take away and told him to get some cash out to pay for the curry that I'd order (he gets home at 9ish). He started making a fuss about stopping for money as too much hassle and asked me to call the take away to see if they accept cards (I'd already told him it's cash or cheque only). The resturant confirmed this and I told my husband who huffed and puffed and kept implying it's too much trouble. As a result I made dinner.The thing that really wound me up is he arrived home having stopped at the off license for a bottle of wine. He had no time to stop for money to save me cooking but had time to get wine (the last thing I wanted but had when I probably shouldn't because I was wound up). He also expected me to bring his dinner in to him and made a fuss when I called him in to collect it (it's all open plan anyway).Am I just making a fuss over nothing? Every time we have one of these arguments my husband always implies that I make a big deal out of nothing but I'm so fed up about a variety of different incidents.
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male
reader, Aech135  +, writes (8 January 2009):
 I don't know how most guys are about it but when my girl isn't feeling well I generally won't let her do things. She likes to take care of me and cooks me dinner alot but when she is feeling bad I do as much as i can to help her relax and get better as quickly as possible. If my girlfriend had given blood and been told not to do things I would have planted her but on the couch and either cooked for her myself or gone and gotten the food for her. Even when she comes home from work with a sore back she generally gets a thorough massage to help ease her muscles and get rid of back pain. I don't think We've ever been on a trip where she has had to lift a bag unless my hands were full because i was already caring to much. You might want to sit down and tell him your feeling like he is to focused on his own comfort and ignores yours and that it hurts you that he doesn't notice that you need the help and would appreciate it even when you don't need it. He may feel like you blowing something unimportant out of proportion but after a while a lot of little things can all combine together to become a big problem. It's important to make sure he understands how you feel about it and if he isn't willing to make an effort to make sure that your happy then in my opinion he isn't worth all the time and effort you spend on him. I am by no means saying you should split as that's a decision that no one can make for you but i know that if i was having the same issue and discussed it with my girl and she just ignored me i would probably not be with her anymore because honestly it doesn't matter if it's a small thing or a big thing he should want to make you happy by helping you as much as he can. Relationships are about give and take and if all he does is take then your just going to end up feeling used and unappreciated.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): I'm with sarcy24 on this one. My husband (I'm planning it to be ex this year) manages to concentrate on himself with ease - whether its a cup of tea (he makes for himself not me), or buying something expensive for himself (my Xmas present from him was pathetic)or simply deciding what he is doing at the weekend and then asking me what I'm up to. When it comes to doing things he wants he moves quickly but if I ask him to do something he just huffs and looks at me as if I'm nagging. I once hurt my back on holiday ski-ing which was entirely my husbands fault and although I was taken to hospital (though nothing broken) in an ambulance the following day when we had to go home he left me to lift my suitcase on to the bus - I just could not believe it!!! So I know precisely how you feel and I don't think you are making a fuss. My Gran said to me once that the most important quality in a man is kindness - wise words indeed.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 January 2009):
Yey for you on giving blood! My friend tends to faint when she has given, but is usually alright after a big meal. Just make sure you have lots of fluids and a HUGE breakfast before you give blood again and you should be fine next time. Eat 2 packs of biscuits afterwards as well.
As for your husband, you are not over reacting, he acted like a little teenager who's just been told to tidy his room.
I think you should make it clear that you are not impressed by the fact that your husband FAILED to be there for you when you needed him. This is kind of his main job role when he took those vows.
He'll probably huff and puff again and make it out to be your fault but it is NOT. Just wait till he gets man flu (which I'm sure he will at some point this winter) and NEEDS you to fetch and carry his dirty tissues and bring him tea 5 times an hour. Then take his wallet and leave and go shopping. Make sure there is NO lemsip in the house and hide the tea bags before you go. (If he knows where they are in the first place.)
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (8 January 2009):
 This chap needs a wake up call. When I was married my husband did a number of things just like that. He could always manage to do what he wanted to do but rarely assisted me if I needed something. One year I was very ill and our nanny left at 6.30pm everynight. I asked him if he could be back for that time as I had to have complete bedrest and he knew it mattered to me. Invariably he would walk through the door at 6.40 which caused me upset when I was so ill. It later transpired that he had managed to have a beer after work before coming home on lots of separate occasions. My husband was a very heavy drinker and watch out for that because if he managed to stop for wine which was his priority he could also be heading that way.
You are young , you fainted, your husband should have been there for you to make you feel better. I think it is poor behaviour on his part but so familiar to me! I would suggest that you have a sit down with him and tell him that it upset you and explain the very valid reasons why it did. Ask yourself if you are behaving in an uncaring manner towards him in any way. Couples do get complacent and marriage does need to be worked at. For me I realised that my husband didn't give a t~ss, and the lure of the wine bar was far greater than coming home. All of this has to be discussed in a calm manner so you can both iron out any grievances and niggles. Behave decently and properly to him and give him the chance to do the same to you, communicating as you go along so he knows why you feel the way you do and why what he is doing is wrong and causing you such upset.
I hope you feel better soon and that it all smoothes over for you.
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